sueoffside
forget dbt and cbt i wanna ctb
- Dec 11, 2019
- 47
everyone knows that I'm suicidal and have plans to ctb and because I've told a few people I feel like it's given me more determination to follow through. I haven't had an attempt in 5 years, been sewersidal pretty much the entire time and hospitalised twice in those years, but I told myself I'd stick it out a bit and the next time I try will be final. It's been 5 years and I haven't done anything productive with my life so it's probably time to go. this is just a rant ? venting idk. part of what keeps me here is the obv fear of hurting my loved ones but in the same vein I want some of them to be so sorry. I want everyone who has ever wronged me to be so overwhelmingly sorry, more than what could be expressed to me still living. Not that they could do anything about how I'm feeling that's not what it is Idk if that's normal it probably is, my experiences aren't unique or special. I'm so angry I feel that if you stripped me back to my core there would be nothing but anger there. Anger and sadness, deep all encompassing sadness. Idk where I'm going with this, I just bought SN but have heard about it being seized or something at customs IDK, just knowing it's coming (if it does hopefully) is peaceful to me I hope it comes anyway lol bye thanks for reading if you read it all