Everyone else seems to have something that I don’t, something that makes them likable or wanted.

[bugfart]

I don't have any irl friends, stopped having friends when I reached the age of 13. That's when my differences became noticeable. Everyone has something that makes them likable and makes people want to be friends with them and I lack that. I am broken and something is wrong with me. I can never meet a person I relate to, im always too much. My jokes are offensive and wrong and I push people away and I don't like the stuff other people like. I unnerve people and creep people out and I'm weird. I don't pay attention to my appearance like others do (makeup, hair cuts and style, shaving, skincare. I don't do anything to make myself attractive) or like the same music other people like even. I can't even make any friends online. I have severe mental issues, and I've been to 12 mental hospitals for attempts on my life. Not my choice and it always seemed to help until it was time for me to go home and I went back to feeling the same way. I can't fit in. I'm so alone. I'm crying as I write this. I really wanna ctb for many reasons but this is a big one. Im also scared of the future and I don't want to be a part of society or have kids or have a job. No place would employ me anyway. I was going to ctb and I have a 12 gauge bulpup shotgun in a closet that my parents put somewhere. They left me alone for 2 days straight but locked it. I want to cut but I have a doctors appointment soon (full physical and work up at an endo for my hormones and they'll wanna see all parts of me to make sure I'm developing properly and to get an idea). I didn't get enough credits to graduate this year, I'm 18. I'm gonna go some of next year. At least I have that going for me,it's not over yet. Advice would be helpful and I need people to talk to, I can't tolerate being alone.

 

[leftdreaming]

I feel this in my bones

 

[lookingforsanctuary]

Everything sounds so difficult for you, I'm sorry. For many people as they get older and more independent they are able to get out more into different environments and find "their people". The ones who match their brand of weird. I hope that happens for you.

 

[blacksand]

No doubt you will mellow in your 20s and start to really "get" what everything is about. That's why they say youth is wasted on the young so many of us can see what we should have done with crystal clarity a decade on from our teen years but at the time we just had no idea about shit and were basically wild animals acting without understanding of anything. Not to say that the ctb thoughts go away easily though.

 

[charlotte_]

I'm sorry. I can totally relate to what you're saying. I'm sure you're not the only one alone in this. Do you have any opportunity to see places with people who have the same interests? If not, how about try websites? It might sound odd but I found my bestie on a supposedly dating app, so I think perhaps you can give it a go. How about trying out new hobbies to see if anything else works for you to widen the chance of seeing like-minded people.
In all likeliness, you lack anything others have, but you aren't worse than anyone for liking the things you like, for being different. I'm sure you have qualities other people don't posess, perhaps they're not regconized enough but they're there. You can try to change and fit in to some degree, but don't become someone else. It's not gonna go well long term. Sorry if my advices aren't that helpful, but still, I wish you the best!

 

[FuneralCry]

If you are looking for advice in relation to continuing to stay here then that's what the "recovery" section is for, this is the suicide discussion. I get that loneliness is painful for many people, it's such a cruel existence where people suffer all through no fault of their own, but I see it as certainly being a good thing not wanting to bring more life here, it's the compassionate thing to not create more unnecessary suffering by not cruelly forcing life here. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[bugfart]

I'm sorry. I can totally relate to what you're saying. I'm sure you're not the only one alone in this. Do you have any opportunity to see places with people who have the same interests? If not, how about try websites? It might sound odd but I found my bestie on a supposedly dating app, so I think perhaps you can give it a go. How about trying out new hobbies to see if anything else works for you to widen the chance of seeing like-minded people.
In all likeliness, you lack anything others have, but you aren't worse than anyone for liking the things you like, for being different. I'm sure you have qualities other people don't posess, perhaps they're not regconized enough but they're there. You can try to change and fit in to some degree, but don't become someone else. It's not gonna go well long term. Sorry if my advices aren't that helpful, but still, I wish you the best!

I go on Yubo to talk to people in the upper age range. I struggle to make friends even online. I live in a small town so there's not much around here. People here are also judgmental. I was thinking of joining a social therapy group though, I'll see what's open to me. I don't have any hobbies except for reading and watching movies. I get hurt every time I try to do physical activity because I have poor joints and tight tendons and tight muscles. It sucks. So physical stuff is off the table. Your advice is helpful though, I'll look into stuff I can do to meet people

If you are looking for advice in relation to continuing to stay here then that's what the "recovery" section is for, this is the suicide discussion. I get that loneliness is painful for many people, it's such a cruel existence where people suffer all through no fault of their own, but I see it as certainly being a good thing not wanting to bring more life here, it's the compassionate thing to not create more unnecessary suffering by not cruelly forcing life here. But anyway I wish you the best.

Definitely. I want to eventually get sterilized if I don't ctb. I do believe in antinatalism. My mental things are genetic

Everything sounds so difficult for you, I'm sorry. For many people as they get older and more independent they are able to get out more into different environments and find "their people". The ones who match their brand of weird. I hope that happens for you.

Unfortunately I'm in a small town so there's not many people to begin with. I try though. Something about me just creeps people out and they can tell I'm different somehow. I give off a bad vibe

 

[agonysgrin]

Fellow weirdo here. I had adoptive parents and I just wonder why ppl picked me to be the scapegoat. I mean as a kid what did they see in me? All my life I've been different, ppl went on to live normal lives I just stagnated...