Help Everyday that passes I just want to ctb more...

[ScaredGirl]

Dysphoria cPTSD anxiety and disabilities are pure agony and nothing makes it bearable.

I've had to drop out from University because of the following crap and I'm ready to ctb even though I keep getting people trying to guilt me to staying. I'm a christian and a Buddhist I although scared of the afterlife of me ending it all I kinda hope I've gone enough good and my heart's content will be enough to forgive the act

I feel so fat ugly wanted disgusting and I hate my face body and my voice. I told one of my only two friends how I ordered SN and even though it's been almost a week and its still not here I've not had any change in my desire to live. My friend got me some weed and I've been abusing that to cope I wish live was worth living I wish I was a lovable desirable fun girl who wasn't so broken mentally and physically. I wish I wasn't disabled and I had what it took for me to be happy with myself and that others could be happy with me. I feel without a family and without any hope whatsoever that this lifetime of crap can be fixed to something livable. I'm so desperate for relief i self harm and abuse drugs and alcohol now... Im this innocent soft gentle girl who was so hopeful and optimistic about life is always try to make my family proud and I tried to do well in school, I always tried to help other people. But because I'm trans, autistic, disabled, anxious and lesbian everyone abused me to the point my cptsd keeps me be bound or housebound. I want to die because I cannot live. And whatever idea I have for a livable life isn't realistic at all.

Childhood full of abuse and neglect because I'm trans female I never got to have the girlhood I deserved. School was ruined for the same reasons, same with college and university. Now I cant walk and need to smoke weed just to remember my name because the executive dysfunction and brain fog of fibro mixed with asd hypersensitivity is just hellish

 

[FluffyDove]

Your posts break my heart. I wish I could help you

 

[sadstuffie]

wow, you & i are actually extremely similar! im a lesbian soft girl also. & while i dont feel the same level of dysphoria you do, i recently have been struggling with my gender identity. im so sorry for all these things you're dealing with. I'm always here to talk about anything ❤. you have my support no matter what, ok? :)

 

[makingsure4]

Gender identity. I know someone who switched over to they, because the felt genderless. Got mad and heartbroken with their parents because they kept saying her and she like they always had. In English there is no gender neutral singular word, except for it and it seems pretty much nobody wants to be called it. Usually they means at least two. I had to stop hanging out with her because I was so afraid I was going to mess up and say she to her which she suddenly claimed hurt her soul to be aligned with any gender. It's easier when someone just changes their gender but I have messed up before and called a person in transition by the "wrong" gender. It can be stressful. I heard of a high school where the kids got together and voted on the teachers having to call them by their chosen gender identity even if that was gender neutral and they demanded to be called they but I felt that was quite a bit of pressure on the teachers with so many students just trying to get their lessons plans done. All we can do is try our best, with everything and everyone.