SenelXamano
He/Him // Too late for me 💜
- Nov 23, 2023
- 32
I'm genuinely living in a fucking nightmare. I can't stand seeing them. I can't stand her. I feel so upset whenever she's hanging out with us or even just joins us in a game. And she's pretending she doesn't hate me even though she knows I like him but i know she does her fucking reposts on my fyp tell me that "he's my bf not your crush" real subtle there. Every day I have to wake up and see their matching profile pics their matching statuses and be reminded they they are together. I fucking hate being here. I fucking hate her. My best friend fucking hurting me every day for the past almost 2 months. I can't be around her I honestly wish I could cut them all off and dissappear. I genuinely can't see myself ever getting over this. I honestly wish I never introduced them. I'm being fucking tortured every day. I hate her I hate her I hate her. She fucking ruined any progress I made in getting better. I'm in pain every single day because of her fuck her I fucking hate her "would you even feel better if they split" I said no but at this point yeah I'd feel a lot better. Not like that'll happen soon. I thought of dying on her birthday just to show her how much she fucking hurt me. I don't know if I'll make it to next year but I'm for sure going to do it on their anniversary if i do. Fuck her honestly. I don't care how "bad" she feels for me at this point. I honestly don't think I can care at all. Ever day for over a month has been fucking torture and it's because of her. I hope she fucking feels bad after I die because even then she wouldn't feel even half as bad as I have since the 21st of august. I want this pain gone already. I hate this. I just want to fucking enjoy things again. I can't fuckign enjoy my games I can't enjoy talking to anyone but him I can't enjoy drawing I can't enjoy anything. I just want to finally be okay again. She ruined me and everything I was. I find myself just looking at his profiles. He's perfect. He's everything I could've ever wanted. I hope she's fucking happy and I hope it was worth it. I hope one day once im gone she'll see these posts and know she's the fucking reason. I don't care if this is "bad" of me to think. She's the reason I've relapsed. The reason I'm dependent on him again to feel happy. The reason I've stopped eating. She's reminded me of how ill never be loved how ill never find. Parter I like ill just accept anyone who gives me the slightest attention because fuck who could fuck8ng love me. But part of me hoped that he could. I've never felt this strong about a person before and she's fucking tearing him away from me. She's trying to replace me. "Im learning bass guitar" yet I told her I wanted to learn that because he asked me to. I can't even listen to ptv anymore after seeing it on their Playlist. I hate this I fucking hate her she fucking did this to me. It's not even my fucking fault I've relapsed this time. It's not my fault I've done this again this time. And even after she knows what's upsetting me she just fucking makes it worse she's doing this on purpose. She knows she's shoving it in my face she's doing it on purpose to fucking torture me. Stop acting nice to me. I onow she fu ming hates me I fucking know she does. And yet she's acting all sympathetic and saying she feels bad for me. Fuck off. My life was good before this. I was genuinely going to get better. I don't think I will anymore. I fucking hope I get worse and actually try this time. Why did it have to be my best friend hurting me like this.
