Every day I fuck up but I still can’t bear going

[jbpromax25000]

Every day is the same cycle of college work repeat. Every single day. I have constant panic attacks over fucking everything and I'm not being given anything that makes them better and every method in therapy I try doesn't work. Nothing makes it fucking stop. Every day feels like I'm physically exhausting myself I try everything to just decompress but I haven't had a single hour in months where there isnt dread or anxiety looming over my head. I have so many people I love I feel like an outcast on here in a way because I have loved ones and a decent amount of friends and someone I date and i dont wanna ruin all their lives by killing myself and I dont honestly even want to die yet but last time when I did want to and i tried to and I was passed out expecting not to wake up i felt at peace and I wwnma feel like that again I dont want to deal with living in a loop and constantly having so much stress and anxiety that i never dont have a headache its too much i cant do this anymore i dont know what im meant to do. My panic attacks are taking a toll on everyone I know it makes my girlfriend upset little things i say make her and my family upset the constant panic attacks make my friends upset but i dont know how to stop them. I'm so fucked but i dont know what i can even do about it and I dont know if being alive or being dead would leave the people I care about in more despair

 

[mushi]

I've just stopped trying with people. It's probably better you keep it to yourself than share too much with your girlfriend. i shared everything with everyone and it all got too much for them and they all left me. on one hand I don't really want fake friends so fuck them. on the other hand being alone sucks. it sounds like you have people which is good. not caring too much helps me with my anxiety. i know weed helps people. deep breathing is supposed to be good. you sound like you're going through a lot and you're really exhausted. and that you have a lot of responsibilities with friends, girlfriend, work, college. you're doing a lot better than most people

 

[jbpromax25000]

I've just stopped trying with people. It's probably better you keep it to yourself than share too much with your girlfriend. i shared everything with everyone and it all got too much for them and they all left me. on one hand I don't really want fake friends so fuck them. on the other hand being alone sucks. it sounds like you have people which is good. not caring too much helps me with my anxiety. i know weed helps people. deep breathing is supposed to be good. you sound like you're going through a lot and you're really exhausted. and that you have a lot of responsibilities with friends, girlfriend, work, college. you're doing a lot better than most people

Thanks man, I have panic attacks mostly from prior drug abuse apparently fucking up some part of my brain, weed helps but tolerance is pretty fucked. I'm exhausted but trying my best to keep going