Has anyone been suicidal and accidentally choke on something while eating and thought to themselves that 1. This could be a convenient way out, no stigma of suicide, an accident! 2. I need to open up my airway because I need to breathe no matter what.
oh god yes. SI has been the bane of my existence, many times I've come close to death, frantically instinctively avoided it then thought "you idiot! idiot! that was your opportunity! gah!"
I remember running into tornado cellar when an alarm sounded then sitting there thinking "you fucking hypocrite. death comes for you and you hide. get back out there. it came for you." It passed very close but that was all.
Lightning once hit about ten feet behind me where I'd been standing a second before. The thunder was at the exact same time so I barely heard it in time to move, I thought someone was shooting at me and the flash was a gunfire at first. I sprinted into a 7-11 like a scared rabbit and the guy goes "i thought for sure you were dead, it looked like it came down on top of you."
Leaping across a road in a single bound when a semi ran a red light and almost hit me.
A guy pulled up to me a minute later laughing his ass off and goes "oh my god, you can really move! that was amazing, i had to tell you!"
I laughed and yelled "I almost died!"
He went "you did! but you didn't!"
A minute later I was mad.
Many dumb things like that where I've escaped by a split second just by reflex. I started writing a young adult novel about a character who was supernaturally targeted for death and desperate to die, but also gifted with a supernatural survival instinct and catlike reflexes which prevented her from dying (a variation on the tortured immortal vampire archetype). Her life was an endless torment, she could not function on any human level and the only people who weren't repulsed by her were murderous psychopaths, who pursued her attention relentlessly.
It wasn't autobiographical at all.
No it wasn't.
It was not.
Shut up.
You don't know me.
