Discussion Eventually, you can get tired of it and move on, in a good way.

[derpyderpins]

No, you can't just "get over" depression, but sometimes when you're taking shot after shot eventually you can just say "you know what, I'm done feeling SO bad." I've been getting hit by one thing after another (and then one weird thing that's hilarious in hindsight but was sad for a minute) over the past couple months and I've just decided I'm ready to be a little better.

There's no reason for me to be "happy" now compared to an hour ago. I'm sitting here with my home's AC broken and just some tiny unit failing to fight the southern sun. Still behind at work. Car's still in the shop from my wreck this week. Friend is still dead. Family is still straining my relationship every chance they get. But, I've just decided I'm not going to keep actively being negative like I have been lately. I'm not going to let myself wallow in self-pity and blame everyone and everything else and live in the past while I stop moving forward.

Am I going to enjoy work Monday? No. I'm going to be stressed as hell. But it doesn't have to be a torturous hellscape, and I'm sure I can find some things throughout the day to amuse me. Then, I'm going to come home and hold my love, and that will make it worth it, even if we're both stressed, because we're building a life together. I need to start taking the advice I give other people and emphasizing the good while minimizing the bad. I guess it took me a while but I finally hit "acceptance" from here.

Thanks to those who have given me pep talks and been supportive.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Sounds like a switch of sorts was flipped.

 

[derpyderpins]

Sounds like a switch of sorts was flipped.

Yeah basically. You know what it feels like? When you're really stressed studying for an exam and you're cramming and then you get there and sit down and think 'whelp, can't do anything now but see how it goes' and you feel this deep relief. That kind of switch.

 

[lost_ange2211]

It starts in the head so you're not wrong.
You got aware of it, you thought about it and now you try to change it and act, work against the negativity on your mind.

That's good, I hope you can keep that kind of mindset and push through with it!

 

[eatantz]

This made me cry, it gives me slight hope that i can change my perspective and make my life less miserable. I hope things work out for you ｡ﾟ(ﾟ∩´﹏`∩ﾟ)ﾟ｡

 

[derpyderpins]

It starts in the head so you're not wrong.
You got aware of it, you thought about it and now you try to change it and act, work against the negativity on your mind.

That's good, I hope you can keep that kind of mindset and push through with it!

Thank you. We'll see. I'll probably have another down period eventually but I think you've got to try and learn a little each time.

This made me cry, it gives me slight hope that i can change my perspective and make my life less miserable. I hope things work out for you ｡ﾟ(ﾟ∩´﹏`∩ﾟ)ﾟ｡

Thanks! I hope you can too. You're so supportive to others, please be supportive to yourself. Let me know if I can help at all!

 

[DefinitelyReady]

I'm glad for you... That's incredibly difficult to do. I had no idea. If feel yourself find yourself falling, you can let me know, because while I was reading the responses I felt some were inappropriate and it was kind of pissing me off; but I held my temper on your behalf That was sweet, what you said, when you read my post when you thought I was leaving, especially in light of what you're going through. It's incredibly hard to keep a good (*cough sane cough*) attitude with your circumstances, so it's really encouraging to hear you, drag yourself up so to speak

 

[derpyderpins]

I'm glad for you... That's incredibly difficult to do. I had no idea. If feel yourself find yourself falling, you can let me know, because while I was reading the responses I felt some were inappropriate and it was kind of pissing me off; but I held my temper on your behalf That was sweet, what you said, when you read my post when you thought I was leaving, especially in light of what you're going through. It's incredibly hard to keep a good (*cough sane cough*) attitude with your circumstances, so it's really encouraging to hear you, drag yourself up so to speak

Chatting with you today was such a big help. Thanks again. I really will miss you if you ever leave.

(Who would have known talking to someone with an actual beating heart would make a difference?)

 

[Hollowman]

You might be able to but not everyone can. Definitely not me.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

Chatting with you today was such a big help. Thanks again. I really will miss you if you ever leave.

(Who would have known talking to someone with an actual beating heart would make a difference?)

Beating heart?

 

[sensitiveguy]

No, you can't just "get over" depression

I mitigate it by enjoying extremes sarcasm And with love emotions ofc. Although my life is shit.

 

[Lady Laudanum]

I mean, yes and no.

I'm not suicidal at the moment but I also realized that getting the kind of revenge I want on my abusive parents will likely have to ultimately involve CTB. My mom's been able to sweep everything under the rug but she herself even admitted that if I CTB and it becomes publicly known, then her reputation would be permanently destroyed.

I still don't necessarily want to live, but I'm building a reasonably normal life for myself so that in case my parents die before I'm able to get revenge, living out the rest of my life normally is still a possibility. I'm not ready to completely give that up yet.

I hope what I said makes sense. I've been working overtime and I'm tired as fuck.

 

[derpyderpins]

You might be able to but not everyone can. Definitely not me.

Sorry you feel that way. Again I'm not talking about beating depression, just not being 100% down and negative.

Beating heart?

I just mean associating with people who are capable of feeling and caring can be better for you than the reverse. Bad attempt at a discreet joke

I mitigate it by enjoying extremes sarcasm And with love emotions ofc. Although my life is shit.

View attachment 144056

I think a dark and self-deprecating sense is humor is almost necessary once you've thought about the darker sides of existence.

I mean, yes and no.

I'm not suicidal at the moment but I also realized that getting the kind of revenge I want on my abusive parents will likely have to ultimately involve CTB. My mom's been able to sweep everything under the rug but she herself even admitted that if I CTB and it becomes publicly known, then her reputation would be permanently destroyed.

I still don't necessarily want to live, but I'm building a reasonably normal life for myself so that in case my parents die before I'm able to get revenge, living out the rest of my life normally is still a possibility. I'm not ready to completely give that up yet.

I hope what I said makes sense. I've been working overtime and I'm tired as fuck.

It makes complete sense. But if your parents care about their reputation why not just start making their abuse publicly known? Social media, door to door flyers, billboards, all saying "I'm X and my parents, Y and Z, did these abusive things and I'm now suicidal."

Even if you do ctb after, that would at least let you be alive to witness their humiliation.

 

[Lady Laudanum]

It makes complete sense. But if your parents care about their reputation why not just start making their abuse publicly known? Social media, door to door flyers, billboards, all saying "I'm X and my parents, Y and Z, did these abusive things and I'm now suicidal."

Even if you do ctb after, that would at least let you be alive to witness their humiliation.

No one is going to believe me unless I literally kill myself to prove my point. That's the only way people would actually believe what happened. If I'm willing to kill myself to show that I'm not lying, I think people would be more inclined to actually believe me.

My parents are well off and very well known in the place where I'm from. They seem very nice outwardly, so it was easy for them to hide the truth about everything.

 

[derpyderpins]

No one is going to believe me unless I literally kill myself to prove my point. That's the only way people would actually believe what happened. If I'm willing to kill myself to show that I'm not lying, I think people would be more inclined to actually believe me.

My parents are well off and very well known in the place where I'm from. They seem very nice outwardly, so it was easy for them to hide the truth about everything.

I think unfortunately that kind of prominent person who actually sucks is way too common. This one man who was prominent with certain activities at my high school was so flashy and self important, involving himself with everything, shaking hands and knowing everybody, yada yada. Well, one of his kids OD'd, likely a suicide, then later his other kid ctb'd. To have both your kids ctb... Something not good must be happening behind the scenes.

So I get what you're saying. I wish your life didn't have to be about revenge but I can't imagine being abused like that.

 

[Lady Laudanum]

I think unfortunately that kind of prominent person who actually sucks is way too common. This one man who was prominent with certain activities at my high school was so flashy and self important, involving himself with everything, shaking hands and knowing everybody, yada yada. Well, one of his kids OD'd, likely a suicide, then later his other kid ctb'd. To have both your kids ctb... Something not good must be happening behind the scenes.

So I get what you're saying. I wish your life didn't have to be about revenge but I can't imagine being abused like that.

My mom was kinda like that too. She has a lot of friends and a lot of people who look up to her. When I was in elementary school, she would volunteer in the classes I was in during the day. It was to keep an eye on me, and she would purposely embarrass me in front of the whole class all the time. She did it even though she worked night shifts (she was a blue collar worker until she started her own business that is doing pretty well). So basically she purposely refused to sleep during the day just so she could keep abusing me at school. Nowhere felt safe for me until I was at the age where parents were no longer allowed to volunteer in the classroom.

My dad was a software engineer and later started a business that did pretty well. Everyone looked up to him because he was an actual genius, and also really good at what he did. He sexually abused me and my mom doesn't give a fuck. She even tells me that I should forgive him because it's so long in the past and he couldn't control himself.

I'm from a major city where people tend to be very shallow and obsessed with status. I'm a blue collar worker and I dropped out from university. My job is pretty decent and with overtime as well as my side hustle, I'm living comfortably. Unfortunately, people who know my parents are going to see that I'm not highly educated, don't work a "glamorous" job (whatever the fuck that means), and automatically just assume that everything I say is bullshit. For example, I have an EMT license and whenever I try to correct people on misconceptions related to health, they play the "I have a degree and you don't" card even though their degree is not in nursing, medicine, or something similar.

 

[derpyderpins]

My mom was kinda like that too. She has a lot of friends and a lot of people who look up to her. When I was in elementary school, she would volunteer in the classes I was in during the day. It was to keep an eye on me, and she would purposely embarrass me in front of the whole class all the time. She did it even though she worked night shifts (she was a blue collar worker until she started her own business that is doing pretty well). So basically she purposely refused to sleep during the day just so she could keep abusing me at school. Nowhere felt safe for me until I was at the age where parents were no longer allowed to volunteer in the classroom.

My dad was a software engineer and later started a business that did pretty well. Everyone looked up to him because he was an actual genius, and also really good at what he did. He sexually abused me and my mom doesn't give a fuck. She even tells me that I should forgive him because it's so long in the past and he couldn't control himself.

I'm from a major city where people tend to be very shallow and obsessed with status. I'm a blue collar worker and I dropped out from university. My job is pretty decent and with overtime as well as my side hustle, I'm living comfortably. Unfortunately, people who know my parents are going to see that I'm not highly educated, don't work a "glamorous" job (whatever the fuck that means), and automatically just assume that everything I say is bullshit. For example, I have an EMT license and whenever I try to correct people on misconceptions related to health, they play the "I have a degree and you don't" card even though their degree is not in nursing, medicine, or something similar.

The part about your mom wanting you to forgive your dad is so awful. It's really unfortunate (from my experience in criminal law) that the mother's instinct is to protect and defend the abuser. Whether it is from fear, denial, or whatever, it's terrible. Obviously it makes the trauma even worse because it invalidates the victim. I think you've shown great strength by overcoming that trauma and building independence.

Having a degree is becoming more worthless by the day. Sounds like your community kinda sucks tbh. Any chance of moving away and leaving it behind?

 

[Lady Laudanum]

The part about your mom wanting you to forgive your dad is so awful. It's really unfortunate (from my experience in criminal law) that the mother's instinct is to protect and defend the abuser. Whether it is from fear, denial, or whatever, it's terrible. Obviously it makes the trauma even worse because it invalidates the victim. I think you've shown great strength by overcoming that trauma and building independence.

Having a degree is becoming more worthless by the day. Sounds like your community kinda sucks tbh. Any chance of moving away and leaving it behind?

I'm moving to a low cost of living area and going back to school later this year. After that, I'll likely move to where I get my best full time job offer (decent chance of being the city where I'm from though).

 

[opheliaoveragain]

Proud of you, friend. The switch in mind state, esp while things are still fucky, is no small feat. Snaps to you. Keep it rollin. You got this.