Venting Even my own thoughts bore the absolute hell out of me

[Daxter_87]

They say that boredom fuels creativity, and I reply a big pile of bullshit to that. My thoughts are so incredibly dull, repetitive, uninteresting, insipid, shallow, empty, and whatever other adjective you can think of to describe something that is beyond boring. Nothing of importance going on up there, trust me; you might as well watch some kids cartoons like Spongebob Squarepants, as they probably contain infinitely more enriching insights than this rotten, messy brain of mine.

But then again, it's no surprise that my mind can't come up with anything exciting or appealing, since there is no such thing. After all, it is life that we are talking about: the most utterly pointless, futile and unnecessarily gory phenomenon in the whole of the known universe. Indeed, no sane mind would ever think that it's a good idea to create something so grotesque just for the sake of it; no medals or trophies at the end of the race, only a slow, agonizing death (which at least finally frees one from such madness).

 

[Ambivalent1]

I'm tired of the ocd thoughts.

 

[FuneralCry]

To me there certainly is nothing desirable about existing, it's just meaningless and unnecessary suffering, we are just waiting around to die and I see it as being such a curse having the ability to be conscious and aware, existing is tiring as there is no real relief from our thoughts, we are trapped with them until we cease existing.
But anyway I understand feeling so tired of everything, I certainly see eternal non-existence as being the only relief.

 

[Daxter_87]

I'm tired of the ocd thoughts.

Yeah, OCD sucks ass, it's the bloody devil. I'm tired of it as well. I like to describe it as a tyrant or dictator, because that's exactly the way it behaves, it obliges one to fulfill whatever whim it has at the moment: "Are you sure you have done everything right? Go check one more time!" Even writing this reply is taking me a huge deal of time due to my pathological urge to check that each word is in its place, that there are no grammatical errors, etc. It really is an unbelievably insane behaviour.

Also, another (perhaps more accurate) way to see it is as an addiction, since it's pretty much the same endless cycle. First, a thought comes to your mind, then you get an uneasy feeling (or vice versa), shortly after the feeling turns into an increasingly intense urge to get rid of both the thought and the discomfort, and finally, you end up engaging in a compulsive behaviour/consuming an addictive substance in the hope of attaining some (short-term) peace.

Needless to say, this causes the exact opposite effect (in the long-term), as it only reinforces the perceived importance of the thoughts and uncomfortable feelings/urges.

Sorry for the ridiculously long reply. I'm very, very sick.