Trigger warning: child abuse (sexual, physical, emotional), suicide (duh? I guess), and infanticide
Here is one of the Epstein files that, to my knowledge, was recently dropped: https://www.justice.gov/epstein/files/DataSet 8/EFTA00025010.pdf
This one makes me sick, and I think most decent people will have some sort of sickened or angry reaction. But I wanted to talk about it here because this file in particular is similar to what happened to me the first time I was suicidal.
One of the things I've been working on with my most recent therapist is CPTSD related to childhood abuse that I've basically kept to myself my entire life.
The abuse was sex abuse from my stepfather. When discovered by counselors at school and reported to CPS, my mom beat me asking why I would say such a thing at school before asking me if it was true. After six months of CPS- mandated separation, my mom decided not to press charges and since there was a lack of evidence except hearsay, invited my stepdad back into our home, forced me to accept his apology.
I became suicidal for the first time after this including my first (non) attempt where I ended up breaking both of my feet and ended up in a wheelchair.
If you read the file linked above you'll see it's about someone who is providing a FBI tip about how she was sex trafficked by her uncle and Jeffrey Epstein while pregnant at 13. I wasn't sex trafficked and never became pregnant. I wasn't sex trafficked with rich people and only abused by the one. I later learned I never became pregnant because I had a pituitary tumor that prevented fertility when I was 14. The person providing the tip alleges that their baby was murdered while they were being sex trafficked and one of the alleged witnesses was the US President Trump.
This particular file makes me so so angry. The story of my suicide origins begins in being abused, and coerced, and neglected, and silenced. That's what happened to this person too as a child, though arguably worse. Either way, being abused and coerced and silenced and neglected is a story common to many of the people on this website. I know not everyone's death wish originates in this but many of us here have similar stories and similar origins.
If anything, to me, this file proves the thesis and ethic of this website. Each of us should have agency over our own existence. The world is full of powerful people down to petty tyrants with not a damn care about the harm they impose others.
Here is one of the Epstein files that, to my knowledge, was recently dropped: https://www.justice.gov/epstein/files/DataSet 8/EFTA00025010.pdf
This one makes me sick, and I think most decent people will have some sort of sickened or angry reaction. But I wanted to talk about it here because this file in particular is similar to what happened to me the first time I was suicidal.
One of the things I've been working on with my most recent therapist is CPTSD related to childhood abuse that I've basically kept to myself my entire life.
The abuse was sex abuse from my stepfather. When discovered by counselors at school and reported to CPS, my mom beat me asking why I would say such a thing at school before asking me if it was true. After six months of CPS- mandated separation, my mom decided not to press charges and since there was a lack of evidence except hearsay, invited my stepdad back into our home, forced me to accept his apology.
I became suicidal for the first time after this including my first (non) attempt where I ended up breaking both of my feet and ended up in a wheelchair.
If you read the file linked above you'll see it's about someone who is providing a FBI tip about how she was sex trafficked by her uncle and Jeffrey Epstein while pregnant at 13. I wasn't sex trafficked and never became pregnant. I wasn't sex trafficked with rich people and only abused by the one. I later learned I never became pregnant because I had a pituitary tumor that prevented fertility when I was 14. The person providing the tip alleges that their baby was murdered while they were being sex trafficked and one of the alleged witnesses was the US President Trump.
This particular file makes me so so angry. The story of my suicide origins begins in being abused, and coerced, and neglected, and silenced. That's what happened to this person too as a child, though arguably worse. Either way, being abused and coerced and silenced and neglected is a story common to many of the people on this website. I know not everyone's death wish originates in this but many of us here have similar stories and similar origins.
If anything, to me, this file proves the thesis and ethic of this website. Each of us should have agency over our own existence. The world is full of powerful people down to petty tyrants with not a damn care about the harm they impose others.
