FailureToAll
Student
- Sep 9, 2023
- 114
I keep waiting for the right time but I'm not so sure the right time will come and I can't deal with not knowing when I can finally ctb. Everything is too much, I can't take living much longer. I slept from 5am to 3pm today. My sleep schedule keeps getting worse I spend the nights unable to stop thinking and sleep and the days struggling to find motivation to get up. The last few days I was late feeding my cat lunch and I feel awful (my parents feed him breakfast so he isn't left all day dw and sometimes they give him lunch if they notice I didn't get up). My eating is out of control and my mum got angry at me for spending so much on food. Also I tried to change my mortgage date from the start of month to end of month hoping that my next bill would be end of next month since this month's date already passed and then I would have time to get enough money to pay back what I owe but they changed it to the end of this month instead and idk what to do now. I don't want to ctb in the house bcuz it's for sale and don't want to affect the value. Also people are coming to view it soon so I need to clean and I can't find the will to clean. My room is full of cobwebs and smells damp and my pc is full of dust and my bed has blood stain from selfharm and it's gross and I'm gross and I'm so depressed about everything and I can't be bothered to deal with anything I'm so fucking lazy that I want to die before I have to clean which sounds fucking ridiculous.
