Venting Endless Pain

[Flume]

Inside there's a black hole. A black hole of pain, of people rejecting me, of being unloved, unappreciated, unacknowledged as a fucking human being. This black hole just grows bigger everyday, and it's now affecting everything I do. I can't do ANYTHING anymore without felling like shit. I can't go to the supermarket and buy food, I can't take a shower, I can't eat... EVERYTHING feels like shit.

All I fucking ever needed was for people to be there when shit went down, if that happend... I would be mostly ok by now. But no... I got stabbed in the back so many fucking times I've lost count.

I actually thought people cared about me once, I actually thought I had a place here, I actually thought me being born wasn't a fucking waste of time. Well, I was wrong... and now it's to late. I don't ever think I'll ever be back to my old self. This self destructive, hating man, in endless pain will never leave me.

I really wish I could be left alone. But as a fucking human being I'm coded to seek connection with others. If I could turn that off, my life would be SO much better, but I can't... so I just continue to live in misery.

 

[Rachel74]

You can move on from this. We all have rejection in our lives, me especially but I'm now happy to be left in peace.

 

[StillWaiting]

Same here. Experiencing it but I can't find a solution for this except ctb.
The thoughts of "if only someone who is kind enough to actually bother to care about us before we fall so deep into it"
Seeing how others around me are so much fortunate breaks me even further.