Ending It Now and Screwing My Boss over or Riding it out till dec?

[Kingkelly]

So I have my method and am wanting to just end it now. Doctors are useless my eyes and face a are destroyed i live in severe chronic pain every day. I can NOT take another day of this. I go from work to home and hide as I am disfigured. My eyes are scary and face hideous now. I can hardly walk due to my leg swelling and pain I dont know what to do. My whole body hurts and I just want to go now. I was supposed to have been gone last year but my method got found out due to meto and was on watch for a while. They all know i want to go so it wont be a surprise it is just if i go now I leave my boss fucked for the busy season. I do not want to wake up another day and endure this hell anymore. Why did not I listen to anyone when they said dont cut your face I am an idiot. I needed therapy to to have my face butchered. I cant deal with it anymore. I live in shame humiliation regret and pain. I want to go now. I could end it at any time. I think I will get a hotel room not do it at my home. What should i do? I am in hell i cant take it. I feel so bad for my husband as his wife is now disfigured and scary looking. OMG why why why....I wish I was dead

 

[Jean Améry]

You should do what you think is the most appropriate course of action for you. Far be it from me to tell you to CTB (that would make me a ghastly human-being and a stupid one at that as I cannot possible know your situation so it would be an uneducated guess at best) but why do you care so much about your boss' potential problems?

It seems to me your problems are much worse than your boss'.

Of course if you think it's best to stick around to help him out that would be great and commendable. It's always possible to do it later.

In any case try not to make spur-of-the-moment decisions that you might regret. Deciding with a clear head is always better.

Good luck to you.

 

[Kingkelly]

IM SUCHA FUCKING IDIOT... WHO CUTS THEIR FACE AND EYES TO THINK THEY WILL BE MORE BEAUTIFUL.. ME THATS WHO NOW I AM BOTCHED, CANT EVEN TAKE THIS ANYMORE

 

[deathbyginger]

IM SUCHA FUCKING IDIOT... WHO CUTS THEIR FACE AND EYES TO THINK THEY WILL BE MORE BEAUTIFUL.. ME THATS WHO NOW I AM BOTCHED, CANT EVEN TAKE THIS ANYMORE

You may think you are "disfigured" or "ugly", but honestly if you ask me these are both meaningless words. There is no measure of outer beauty, what really makes a person beautiful is who they are. From what you've said in this post, I can tell you are a beautiful person. Simply by taking the second to ask yourself, should I CTB or ride it out until dec so I won't leave my boss empty-handed, shows that you are a truly empathic person.

I am not saying any of this to sway you from CTB, but purely to remind you that you were always a beautiful person. Both before the mistake, and after the mistake. And I can assure you that your husband believes the same.

I believe if you decide to CTB, please, please, please forgive yourself for your mistake as there is no point of taking it to your grave. Shit happens and nothing can change that, so there's no need to hate yourself for it. No matter the circumstances, you are worthy of forgiveness.

 

[Kingkelly]

You may think you are "disfigured" or "ugly", but honestly if you ask me these are both meaningless words. There is no measure of outer beauty, what really makes a person beautiful is who they are. From what you've said in this post, I can tell you are a beautiful person. Simply by taking the second to ask yourself, should I CTB or ride it out until dec so I won't leave my boss empty-handed, shows that you are a truly empathic person.

I am not saying any of this to sway you from CTB, but purely to remind you that you were always a beautiful person. Both before the mistake, and after the mistake. And I can assure you that your husband believes the same.

I believe if you decide to CTB, please, please, please forgive yourself for your mistake as there is no point of taking it to your grave. Shit happens and nothing can change that, so there's no need to hate yourself for it. No matter the circumstances, you are worthy of forgiveness.

If you saw my face you would be uncomfortable. It is humiliating and people actually have a surprised look on their face when they see me and cant look at me in the eyes. I regret it so much and can not live looking like this. Omg i lost my identity my life and my beauty my youth and my confidence. I cant live like this society does not accept me anymore. I am ashamed

 

[deathbyginger]

If you saw my face you would be uncomfortable. It is humiliating and people actually have a surprised look on their face when they see me and cant look at me in the eyes. I regret it so much and can not live looking like this. Omg i lost my identity my life and my beauty my youth and my confidence. I cant live like this society does not accept me anymore. I am ashamed

The unfortunate truth is that most people tend to judge a book by its cover. However, there is many people who also don't live by society's standards. Independence exists, and it's something you need to develop apart from society. You are the unique and the special of society, you can say fuck it to anybody who can look at you and see anything but beauty.
I mean, no one knows your past and how you got that scar on your face. If you ask me a scar on the face represents perseverance.

 

[bigj75]

whatever gives you peace. if it's dying asap then do so. you should not have to live in pain no matter what. I wish you peace.