halcyon
want to die n be free with my love<3
- Jul 13, 2021
- 29
It's been 3 days since the love of my life left me. It's been the worst 3 days of my life.
I feel like I'm just floating, not really alive but not dead. In the empty space between existence and nonexistence. My body is still alive, my heart beating and brain functioning, but I am dead everywhere else.
I haven't eaten since she left. Just don't care to. She always reminded me to eat 3 meals a day, and I ate with her in mind. Now that she's gone, there's just no need for it anymore.
My parents call my phone asking if I'm alright, begging me to pick up. I don't respond. I know they're worried, and trust me, I feel awful about it.
I called my therapist, talked to him for a bit about everything. He says he's here to support me, but nobody can help me. This is something I have to deal with alone.
She was my girlfriend, yes, but she was also my best and only friend. We only had each other, and I was okay with that. I was okay with being isolated as long as I had her.
And now she's gone. The love of my life, my soulmate, my one and only. She's gone. She was my first, and last, love. I'll never love again, I don't want to. I can't see myself with anyone else. I don't want anyone else.
April 25th, it's still on. I'll still die, whether she is with me or not. She probably won't be made aware of my death. She'll probably be with someone else by then, completely forgetting about the suicide pact she made with me.
But I will still die, I have no fear. A life without her isn't a life I want to live. Life without her is meaningless and dull.
I feel like I'm just floating, not really alive but not dead. In the empty space between existence and nonexistence. My body is still alive, my heart beating and brain functioning, but I am dead everywhere else.
I haven't eaten since she left. Just don't care to. She always reminded me to eat 3 meals a day, and I ate with her in mind. Now that she's gone, there's just no need for it anymore.
My parents call my phone asking if I'm alright, begging me to pick up. I don't respond. I know they're worried, and trust me, I feel awful about it.
I called my therapist, talked to him for a bit about everything. He says he's here to support me, but nobody can help me. This is something I have to deal with alone.
She was my girlfriend, yes, but she was also my best and only friend. We only had each other, and I was okay with that. I was okay with being isolated as long as I had her.
And now she's gone. The love of my life, my soulmate, my one and only. She's gone. She was my first, and last, love. I'll never love again, I don't want to. I can't see myself with anyone else. I don't want anyone else.
April 25th, it's still on. I'll still die, whether she is with me or not. She probably won't be made aware of my death. She'll probably be with someone else by then, completely forgetting about the suicide pact she made with me.
But I will still die, I have no fear. A life without her isn't a life I want to live. Life without her is meaningless and dull.
