Emotional Purging

[WhiteDespair]

I feel absolutely amazing. It feels like anhedonia disappeared overnight. I actually want to read book, play video games and generally think life isn't so bad (maybe alright even).

Last Wednesday night I got home and went into a rage. I upended tv tables, smashed monitors and made one hell of a mess. I dropped to the floor, curled into a ball and wept without tears. It was as if my entire body constricted in emotional pain. I alternated switching between extreme rage and extreme sadness for three days. An item or a thought would have me go one way and another item or thought would send me to the other. I extra-smashed the monitors when they weren't broken enough and I clutched a book and birthday card to my chest as they showed people cared about me. The only things I could do were destroy, weep tearlessly, watch nature documentaries, eat and drink whatever I had around and sleep those 3 days.

Throughout all of this I was on the verge of using one of my bus tickets. I did not use one as you should be able to tell. The thoughts were either to stick a knife in my aunt or myself.

Fast forward a few days and I feel incredible. I feel calmer, and that I burnes out a lot of pain from my childhood and the trauma therein.

Has anyone else experienced this? Did it go away after a time? How long did it last? Did you do anything with the reprieve?

 

[a.n.kirillov]

I have experiences with this. You might want to pick up some books by Alexander Lowen, Wilhelm Reich or Arthur Janov. It is a valuable topic to study and pursue.

When I was at my most healthy, I regularly did this whenever I've felt weird or triggered or depressed: driving home I allowed myself to experience these feelings as much as possible, maybe also already crying or shouting involved. Then, at home, I went into my bathroom and locked the doors. There I deliberately started to breathe really deep (you'll find different methods from the authors I have listed and also Stanislav Grof, as well as others) and just tried, again, to get in touch with all and everything that I felt.

I then just acted these things out, on a vocal and physical level. No matter how strange it may look; I'd talk in tounges, do weird dances, grimaces, punch a wall (never destroyed my own apartment though lol) and the next second break down crying, etc etc,.. as long as it would take. The important thing is to stop observing yourself and criticising yourself in the process of acting out and trying to act out the impulses as authentically as possible - which is hard, because you'll do weird shit that, rationally, won't make any sense to you. You'll want to be completely disinhibited basically.

Strangely this doesn't work for me as well anymore, but when I get it right, I feel the most peaceful feeling imaginable; almost like a rebirth of sorts. The only time I have had this feeling from anything else was when I once had the impulse to write myself a letter of encouragement from god (or maybe a father figure/ an older version of myself) which was very emotional and almost completely in parables, which is weird since I'm an agnostic and don't write poetry or fiction, but I just rolled with it.

You see, I'm always in for weird experimental shit haha so hit me up and keep me updated!

 

[purplemoon]

I can relate on a somewhat different level, rage is often about suppressed self-defense. or unrelenting pain.

In my opinion, rage can also be sometimes suppressed feelings like you're not getting recognized or respected for what is more fair.

Sometimes it's also a matter of getting tired of Holding back one's feelings and then ironically feeling exhausted.

Frustration, can actually become detrimental even to oneself, whether it's fair or not, which can breed even more rage at the unfairness of it all, and it goes on and on, like a waterfall that drowns you, even if you're the victim.

Animals can fly into a rage, usually when they're very sick or very stressed, and then one more stressor is added and the whole thing explodes, as if the nervous system is screaming don't you dare even push me one more inch. Or constantly tolerating continuous pressure, until you just can't take one more ounce. At least that's how it has felt to me in the past.
Rage frightens me because when it is unleashed, it's like a diabolical power almost...?
Personally, I don't like to be angry, even if I'm right, because it seems to attract the demonic. Rage can turn into extreme danger, for yourself and others.

I don't know your story, and you don't have to tell me. but I do appreciate your humor.

I hope you find the peace that you need in life or otherwise.


Run from the bad and stay with the good.

Evil can beget more evil...

and please don't let monsters turn you into one yourself... it can happen too easily.

best wishes

 

[DevilInHell667]

I can.

 

[purplemoon]

When I'm enraged, I just pronounce the curse of God upon their very soul...

and know they'll have their day in front of God and I as one of his spiritual witnesses, pronounce them guilty.

It's rather pleasant and enjoyable, i highly recommend it.

 

[WhiteDespair]

I have experiences with this. You might want to pick up some books by Alexander Lowen, Wilhelm Reich or Arthur Janov. It is a valuable topic to study and pursue.

When I was at my most healthy, I regularly did this whenever I've felt weird or triggered or depressed: driving home I allowed myself to experience these feelings as much as possible, maybe also already crying or shouting involved. Then, at home, I went into my bathroom and locked the doors. There I deliberately started to breathe really deep (you'll find different methods from the authors I have listed and also Stanislav Grof, as well as others) and just tried, again, to get in touch with all and everything that I felt.

I then just acted these things out, on a vocal and physical level. No matter how strange it may look; I'd talk in tounges, do weird dances, grimaces, punch a wall (never destroyed my own apartment though lol) and the next second break down crying, etc etc,.. as long as it would take. The important thing is to stop observing yourself and criticising yourself in the process of acting out and trying to act out the impulses as authentically as possible - which is hard, because you'll do weird shit that, rationally, won't make any sense to you. You'll want to be completely disinhibited basically.

Strangely this doesn't work for me as well anymore, but when I get it right, I feel the most peaceful feeling imaginable; almost like a rebirth of sorts. The only time I have had this feeling from anything else was when I once had the impulse to write myself a letter of encouragement from god (or maybe a father figure/ an older version of myself) which was very emotional and almost completely in parables, which is weird since I'm an agnostic and don't write poetry or fiction, but I just rolled with it.

You see, I'm always in for weird experimental shit haha so hit me up and keep me updated!

Thank you. I'll take a look at those sources.

I can relate on a somewhat different level, rage is often about suppressed self-defense. or unrelenting pain.

In my opinion, rage can also be sometimes suppressed feelings like you're not getting recognized or respected for what is more fair.

Sometimes it's also a matter of getting tired of Holding back one's feelings and then ironically feeling exhausted.

Frustration, can actually become detrimental even to oneself, whether it's fair or not, which can breed even more rage at the unfairness of it all, and it goes on and on, like a waterfall that drowns you, even if you're the victim.

Animals can fly into a rage, usually when they're very sick or very stressed, and then one more stressor is added and the whole thing explodes, as if the nervous system is screaming don't you dare even push me one more inch. Or constantly tolerating continuous pressure, until you just can't take one more ounce. At least that's how it has felt to me in the past.
Rage frightens me because when it is unleashed, it's like a diabolical power almost...?
Personally, I don't like to be angry, even if I'm right, because it seems to attract the demonic. Rage can turn into extreme danger, for yourself and others.

I don't know your story, and you don't have to tell me. but I do appreciate your humor.

I hope you find the peace that you need in life or otherwise.


Run from the bad and stay with the good.

Evil can beget more evil...

and please don't let monsters turn you into one yourself... it can happen too easily.

best wishes

You're right as to how things just increase until they explode. Also hapoens when yoy don't understand the root cause.

I had to embrace the despair and the darkness to get through it. You can become a monster if you're not careful. In some ways it's like not becoming the worst of your parents.

My story is around here somewhere. But, neglect and abuse as a child and, recently, figuring out that the only person who would have protected me was demonized and the person I thought would protect me did not do so.

Thank you.

 

[purplemoon]

Thank you. I'll take a look at those sources.


You're right as to how things just increase until they explode. Also hapoens when yoy don't understand the root cause.

I had to embrace the despair and the darkness to get through it. You can become a monster if you're not careful. In some ways it's like not becoming the worst of your parents.

My story is around here somewhere. But, neglect and abuse as a child and, recently, figuring out that the only person who would have protected me was demonized and the person I thought would protect me did not do so.

Thank you.

I have experienced domestic violence the majority of my life from my father (including most of my adulthood on top of childhood)...

Their rage is almost like contagious energy put in a different form, like the poisonous fumes from a bad fire. Then it feels like trying to detox it constantly, at least metaphorically for me anyway.

Adding in other stressors from so many different problems from society, health, constant stress from so many different directions just makes it feel like it's all too much.

People need more relief, more support, more goodness, more safety in this world.

I don't know about you, but for me a lot of times it feels like I'm a dolphin out of water, but the family pod I was traveling with turned into sharks mostly, with very few exceptions. So where does one swim to? What do you do? Either way, it hurts...

Please don't let their evil ruin the good in you... don't let their cruelty destroy the real you...

Saying a prayer for you and everyone else here...

Merry Christmas everyone...

Even if you don't believe in Christmas,
happy holidays to you all.

 

[WhiteDespair]

I have experienced domestic violence the majority of my life from my father (including most of my adulthood on top of childhood)...

Their rage is almost like contagious energy put in a different form, like the poisonous fumes from a bad fire. Then it feels like trying to detox it constantly, at least metaphorically for me anyway.

Adding in other stressors from so many different problems from society, health, constant stress from so many different directions just makes it feel like it's all too much.

People need more relief, more support, more goodness, more safety in this world.

I don't know about you, but for me a lot of times it feels like I'm a dolphin out of water, but the family pod I was traveling with turned into sharks mostly, with very few exceptions. So where does one swim to? What do you do? Either way, it hurts...

Please don't let their evil ruin the good in you... don't let their cruelty destroy the real you...

Saying a prayer for you and everyone else here...

Merry Christmas everyone...

Even if you don't believe in Christmas,
happy holidays to you all.




View attachment 22261

That sounds awful. If the rage isn't justified it can be toxic and it's terrible when it comes from your family.

I can relate as my pod was stripped away from me and the remainders abused me.

Where does one swim? This depends on how much freedom that you have. And, there's luck. I suppose it's trusting in your sonar.

What do you do? It depends on the person. I had to snap at my aunt to push me into the purge. Sometimes all you can do is keep going until there's a change.

It hurts. Definitely does. If you can get through the despair you can become stronger, happier, etc.

Merry Christmas and blessings upon you.

 

[BPD Barbie]

This is honestly how self harm feels for me, like an emotional purging. I'll go at it until suddenly I just stop and I feel so much relief. I can't self harm for the sake of it, it has to come in one of those rage like moments.