I find at times like this, seeming no triggers, just every little touch of fabric is infuriating, I can't control my thoughts, they start to wander. I tried to play video games to relax, I may try reading, I'll update if that works I suppose.
I just, feeling this much emotional aggravation, combined with the sensory shit, makes me want to cut. I guess it focuses everything, the mental stimulation and the phsycial pain override the fucking panic and become the only thing, oddly oeaceful.
I have obligations tomorrow otherwise I'd try drinking, see if suppressing everything helps. It probably does.
every itch along the scars on my thigh stings or itches three times as much as it usually does, what would normally be a minor itch that goes with time lingers and gets worse. Every thought that normally I can try to ignore drags me the fuck down, gives me that feeling you get right before you cry, like something is off in your face.
God I hate this so much, none of my (2) friends will respond, the one is alseep and the other was driven away by my own fear of abandonment.
when I think back on how I fixed this in the past, I messaged my friend, but she expressly told me that we cant talk for time being (6 months no contact atp) so that's out the window. God I miss you T, hope you're doing well.
Writing all of this helped some what which is why I'm rambling I suppose, took my mind off things I guess. Im going to bed or I'm going to read or something. Gn y'all, stay safe.
I just, feeling this much emotional aggravation, combined with the sensory shit, makes me want to cut. I guess it focuses everything, the mental stimulation and the phsycial pain override the fucking panic and become the only thing, oddly oeaceful.
I have obligations tomorrow otherwise I'd try drinking, see if suppressing everything helps. It probably does.
every itch along the scars on my thigh stings or itches three times as much as it usually does, what would normally be a minor itch that goes with time lingers and gets worse. Every thought that normally I can try to ignore drags me the fuck down, gives me that feeling you get right before you cry, like something is off in your face.
God I hate this so much, none of my (2) friends will respond, the one is alseep and the other was driven away by my own fear of abandonment.
when I think back on how I fixed this in the past, I messaged my friend, but she expressly told me that we cant talk for time being (6 months no contact atp) so that's out the window. God I miss you T, hope you're doing well.
Writing all of this helped some what which is why I'm rambling I suppose, took my mind off things I guess. Im going to bed or I'm going to read or something. Gn y'all, stay safe.
goodnight and wishing you peace 
