Emergency Help :(

[Deafsn0w]

I'm currently in a really difficult situation. My mom was really happy today cuz I was accepted by a private school in Massachusetts. I'm gonna that school probably in the second week of February. So i will stay in that school for about one year :( I really don't want to go to that school i'm very anxious meeting new people. I'm currently considering suicide by SN before school starts. Actually i've ordered stuff for SN method :( it will be delivered soon. But i will feel bad for my mom she works so hard in order to keep me safe and wants me to get a high school diploma. Also she said she can see my bright future :( I feel so sad and broken inside The question is...should i ctb by SN before school starts or after HS? Honestly i can't take it anymore :(

I got a text from mommy
She wrote: "Deafsn0w got in [School name]! Had a phone conference with them and the [City name] School District. She and I will fly out there around 2/6. She will have her own bedroom as do all the kids there. So now need to cross T's and dot i's LOL paper work and an IEP meeting before our trip out there to outline the details and then sign the docs. First question they asked was about Conservatorship. I confirmed that I'm Deafsn0w's Conservator and they were satisfied with that."

 

[NotWorthLiving]

I would say, because you are considering waiting until after, just hold on for a bit longer. You never know, you might surprise yourself. I'm not really sure what to say. I'm bad at advice but if you're considering living that bit longer, go for it, something might change.

I don't know where to go from here, message me if you want.

 

[Deleted member 4993]

My heart goes out to you, but I agree and think you should wait and think things over.
I am glad you have someone who cares about your safety.
I wish you love and peace and hope you have patience.

 

[Broken]

I

I would say, because you are considering waiting until after, just hold on for a bit longer. You never know, you might surprise yourself. I'm not really sure what to say. I'm bad at advice but if you're considering living that bit longer, go for it, something might change.

I don't know where to go from here, message me if you want.

i would agree hold on for a bit longer.

 

[Broken]

I

i would agree hold on for a bit longer. You don't know that you won't enjoy school until you've tried it! .

 

[JustAboutDone]

Hi @Deafsn0w, I'm sorry you're dealing with this - trying to temper your mom's excitement and cope with your own anxiety must be really stressing you out xxx

I would suggest however panicky you are feeling that you don't do anything now. I know that new school must be genuinely terrifying when you have anxiety - honestly it's the same for me starting a new job, that sick feeling in your stomach and everything else.

Remember that we are here! And will be here wherever you are at your new school. Literally just a click away for you to rant or play word games with - though you are too darn quick for me! :-)

I think it's worth giving it a try and get your high school diploma; it's a good school and you're a smart cookie. You've Got This and we are right behind you xxxxxxxx

Edit: @15dec mentioned an otc medication called Kalms that help with anxiety, have you got anything like that at all?

 

[TiredHorse]

I don't know if this is of any use to you, @Deafsn0w, but I changed from a school in Massachsetts to a school in CA when I was 14. It was tough, and stressful, but the difference changing schools made was mindblowing and definitely resulted in an eventual shift for the better for me. Even the change of social environment outside of school was worthwhile. East coast and West coast are very, very different, and just that change can be intense in a good way. It was difficult, and stressfull, but in the long run very worth it.

If you're taking votes, I'd say to hold off on ctb and give the new school a chance. I would have ctb had I stayed at my old school. The new school was the first ray of light I'd ever had. Clearly it didn't fix everything, 'cause here I am, but it got me through the following 35 years relatively intact.

 

[SiArc]

Hello hun,

If you are considering a later time and it is not a "I don't see anything for a future" dire situation always wait it out a bit. Try whatever is coming. The option to leave is always there, the option to undo suicide is not. Being that you will have your own room should help things. You have your alone time. Take a breath, assess the situation and do what is best for you.

 

[GeorgeEastman]

Should just say to hell with going to the school. School is overrated bigtime. The best way to learn a job is spend time around the job. Research it. Ask someone working in the field the details of it.

School and the actual work you do in life is extremely unrelated. It's mainly just a piece of paper to weed others out. Still, a person could learn enough about something to be valuable enough to bypass the weed out process if they had the ability to approach the people who matter.

 

[Hopeless_soul]

You must be going through a very hard time now. Having someone nice and sweet that cares about you, could make you feel guilty about your suicidal ideations. But as other people say, hold on for a while. It could be that the new environment will bring exciting experiences and great people. You never know.

Wish you the best, Deafsn0w!

 

[Smilla]

I agree with most everyone here: this new environment could be just what you need for a new perspective, and you might find your new school even fun, and may make new friends.

Good luck with your new school, I hope it will be a great environment of discovery and friendship.

 

[TheCrow]

I actually think that sounds awesome. If I had the opportunity in high school to go to the east coast for a year, I would've happily gone. The high school social hierarchy can be stressful, and it could be good to get away from the people you've always been dealing with and meet some fresh faces. Plus, I think it's good to live in different states and different places. You're a sweet girl, I think you could chum up to people easier than you think. I say go for it. If you don't like it and are incredibly unhappy, then you can revisit the ctb idea.

 

[Whatshername]

I can only echo the previous comments. I know most of us hate the "it gets better" type of comments, but please give yourself at least one more chance. The change in scenery might shift your current feelings.

 

[MistakesHappen]

Several people have answered your questions positively and i agree with them.
I think it is worth a try, it could end up being a good experience and maybe something to hold on to for a period of time.
It is going to be hard, i know it, all the uncertainties and doubts...

We are just giving our opinion, some of us from experience, and i honestly trust this big family.
I wish you all the best, good luck friend :).

 

[therhydler]

Hey Deafsn0w, don't leave, SS needs you! But honestly... I would give the school a try, if you are still unsure then maybe life still has something to offer you. I had a really bad period in school where I had to drop out because I was so depressed I could not do anything. But when I changed school everything changed, I made great friends, started to enjoy learning again and was even quite happy. But then again, here I am now in an even darker pit so maybe I'm not the one to be giving advice... but if I had to I would say give it a go. And also I can't imagine SS without you so don't leave just yet ;)

 

[Gainax]

give it a chance, what is it that you got to lose? you will have here friends for support in first anxious days

 

[Deafsn0w]

ok thanks all for your responses. I've decided to stay here for a bit longer

 

[JustAboutDone]

ok thanks all for your responses. I've decided to stay here for a bit longer

I'm so pleased :-) and I'm 100% sure I'm not the only one xx

 

[TiredHorse]

ok thanks all for your responses. I've decided to stay here for a bit longer

I'd say that was a sound decision. Not easy, but sound. Well done.