Embarrassed even thinking about running into people I once knew

[Worthless loser]

Is anyone else mortified by the thought of running into people you knew in high school or college because your life has turned out pathetic compared to them?

 

[BPD Barbie]

Yeah, I always think how people my age have jobs and houses and kids and mortgages... What do I have? A lifetime of failure and mental illness. When I do bump into people I once knew, I tend to lie and say things are great and everything is good just to avoid the fake sympathetic looks and everything that comes with it.

 

[Woodnote]

Yes. I even deleted my social media accounts because of it. Everyone seems so happy. While I'm here wanting to kill myself.

 

[faust]

Oh, ye, people create families, travel a lot, give birth to kids, find a good job. Me: googling "how to live one more day" (trivializing ofc)
The worst thing is Instagram, the demonstration of happiness does not make me jealous, but I keep asking myself where did I actually go wrong.
I have more talents than they have, am smarter, poet, musician, writer, composer, read a tremendous amount of books about business, self-development and psychology. So why all this shit happens to me?

 

[Mr2005]

I just keep my head down and hope for the best

 

[StillWaiting]

Totally understand how it feels. I try to avoid them but sometimes I still see them enjoying their lives on social media.

 

[zeroambition]

Yes.. I deleted my main Facebook account and made a new one with a slightly different name so old classmates won't be able to find or message me.

 

[Mr2005]

Tbh the thought fills me with horror and is enough I'd rather starve than leave the house

 

[Sensei]

Absolutely. It's painful to just think about it. In fact, if that would happen let's say two times in a week, it would probably be enought to push me over the edge. I know that it's irrational and that I shouldn't care, but that's how I feel. Luckily, it happens very rarely, perhaps once every two years, knock on wood.

 

[Epsilon0]

Highschool friend: Hello, Epsilon! It's been ages, how are you? So nice to see you, you haven't changed a bit. Oh gosh! You know me, I just got back from a business trip to Dubai and I am on my way to a pottery class with my 5 perfect children. Oh, did you see on Instagram that we bought a house on the French Riviera? Oh gosh, you simply must come visit.

Me: Errrrr... I'm fine, you know... work and all that. Yesterday I wrote a post about the like button on a suicide forum.

Highschool friend: .... ?

 

[waterbottleman]

Yeah, I always think how people my age have jobs and houses and kids and mortgages... What do I have? A lifetime of failure and mental illness. When I do bump into people I once knew, I tend to lie and say things are great and everything is good just to avoid the fake sympathetic looks and everything that comes with it.

Am I the only one who thinks having a mortgage would be really depressing? You're consenting to being locked down paying down debt for decades and if a housing crash happens then you're really screwed because you'll have negativity equity, your debt will be worth more than the actual house.

What if you lose your job or your spouse and can no longer pay the debt? You're screwed and financially ruined.

I often wonder if people live their lives a certain way because that is what society pressures us to do, we want to "fit in" and impress other people so we end up doing a whole bunch of things that in reality we don't actually want to do.

I remember reading a book about how it was the banks and automotive industry after WWII that flooded popular culture with the notion that the ideal life is to have a house in the suburbs. This accomplished 3 goals

1. Since people live in the suburbs they have to buy cars instead of using public transportation
2. It gave the banks way more customers
3. It locks people into debt, which makes them more subservient workers to corporations and businesses.

Yeah I've read a lot of Noam Chomsky

If I was rich I wouldn't buy a fancy house, fancy cars, etc. I'd invest my money in various financial assets like dividend paying stocks/etfsl live off the interest so I never have to work a shit job a day of my life again and travel the world.

To me that sounds like a far more fulfilling life than being a debt slave.

Yes.. I deleted my main Facebook account and made a new one with a slightly different name so old classmates won't be able to find or message me.

I've never had a Facebook, Instagram, etc. Don't have any social media accounts nor have I ever browsed them.

hahaha I'm such a hermit.

I like Twitter, oh and I like pretty ladies on Instagram but that's it.

 

[Mort]

Well for me its not a problem as i had no friends at school in fact i had no friends at tall. Well i try to have one a few years back but as it turns out I got used. I say sod them all better of by yourself. O and all that happy stuff on Facebook and Twitter and other ones is all bull poo . They say they are so they fit in with every one else thats happy on their. But in truth they unhappy miserable and fed with with life like the rest of us well most of the time . Its not constant misery for them unlike us lot hehe . Its all a competition on social media to see who got a better life. In the end they just get depressed and unhappy over a load of lies. Thats why i keep away from that stuff and keep my self to my self. My big dream is to become a hermit YAY LOL :)

 

[waterbottleman]

Well for me its not a problem as i had no friends at school in fact i had no friends at tall. Well i try to have one a few years back but as it turns out I got used. I say sod them all better of by yourself. O and all that happy stuff on Facebook and Twitter and other ones is all bull poo . They say they are so they fit in with every one else thats happy on their. But in truth they unhappy miserable and fed with with life like the rest of us well most of the time . Its not constant misery for them unlike us lot hehe . Its all a competition on social media to see who got a better life. In the end they just get depressed and unhappy over a load of lies. Thats why i keep away from that stuff and keep my self to my self. My big dream is to become a hermit YAY LOL :)

So true about social media being a competition for who is happiest. Same is true with the rat race in terms of who has the most money.

Lol the whole thing is so ridiculous because it makes everyone miserable.

 

[your pathologist]

I tend not to use social media when i feel this low.
Just adds salt to the burn
I hate having functioning human beings shoved in my face.

When i am using it, its always look how awesome i am at X Y or Z...
Social media has definitely thrown others lives at us all the time, instead when we'd hear about it naturally

 

[Mort]

I tend not to use social media when i feel this low.
Just adds salt to the burn
I hate having functioning human beings shoved in my face.

When i am using it, its always look how awesome i am at X Y or Z...
Social media has definitely thrown others lives at us all the time, instead when we'd hear about it naturally

It ends up like sum sort of competition every one trying to outdo one and other in the end they just end up miserable and unhappy its sad really how things turn out.

 

[Sweet Release]

Oh, ye, people create families, travel a lot, give birth to kids, find a good job. Me: googling "how to live one more day" (trivializing ofc)
The worst thing is Instagram, the demonstration of happiness does not make me jealous, but I keep asking myself where did I actually go wrong.
I have more talents than they have, am smarter, poet, musician, writer, composer, read a tremendous amount of books about business, self-development and psychology. So why all this shit happens to me?

Oh man, I can relate to that.
Seems like it doesn't matter how smart or how good you are, when life wants to fuck with you it'll fuck with you!
Sorry things went wrong for you.

Yep.
There were people who genuinely believed in me and took the time and effort to encourage me to make a good go of life.
I feel like such a disappointment that I can't even look these people in the eyes if I saw them now.
To think that they wasted their time on such a loser.

Yeah, I always think how people my age have jobs and houses and kids and mortgages... What do I have? A lifetime of failure and mental illness. When I do bump into people I once knew, I tend to lie and say things are great and everything is good just to avoid the fake sympathetic looks and everything that comes with it.

Yeah, my mental illness pretty much destroyed any chance I had in life.
I really don't want other people to see how I live.
I don't know your circumstances but in some ways it seems similar to mine.

 

[terry_a_davis]

The couple of friends i still have contact with have kids, partners, 1 has a good job and own home. He often talks about his job and kids n partner and i often talk about my dog lol and memories as that's all i have. I don't begrudge him of his success he's a genuinely nice person and deserves it. I get more disappointed with myself when my mother talks to her friends and they bring up how their kids have children and are married etc whereas i basically failed at life I feel I let my mother down.

 

[Sweet Release]

The couple of friends i still have contact with have kids, partners, 1 has a good job and own home. He often talks about his job and kids n partner and i often talk about my dog lol and memories as that's all i have. I don't begrudge him of his success he's a genuinely nice person and deserves it. I get more disappointed with myself when my mother talks to her friends and they bring up how their kids have children and are married etc whereas i basically failed at life I feel I let my mother down.

I'm hearing you!
Yeah its always the worst when you compare yourself to other people.

 

[your pathologist]

The couple of friends i still have contact with have kids, partners, 1 has a good job and own home. He often talks about his job and kids n partner and i often talk about my dog lol and memories as that's all i have. I don't begrudge him of his success he's a genuinely nice person and deserves it. I get more disappointed with myself when my mother talks to her friends and they bring up how their kids have children and are married etc whereas i basically failed at life I feel I let my mother down.

I also feel like im letting other people down [mostly family] more than im letting myself down at this point

 

[waterbottleman]

The couple of friends i still have contact with have kids, partners, 1 has a good job and own home. He often talks about his job and kids n partner and i often talk about my dog lol and memories as that's all i have. I don't begrudge him of his success he's a genuinely nice person and deserves it. I get more disappointed with myself when my mother talks to her friends and they bring up how their kids have children and are married etc whereas i basically failed at life I feel I let my mother down.

I feel like a weirdo, marriage sounds like a nightmare to me.

Kids even worse.

Almost everyone who I know who has kids don't seem very happy.

 

[terry_a_davis]

I feel like a weirdo, marriage sounds like a nightmare to me.

Kids even worse.

Almost everyone who I know who has kids don't seem very happy.

It's not for everyone agreed. Out of the 2 friends i have contact with 1 is very happy with his partner and 1 is basically just friends living under the same roof. They both adore their kids though. Personally I think I would've liked kids and grown old with somebody.

 

[peacefully31425]

I think most of the people I knew have moved away, and even if I did run into them, they probably wouldn't recognize me.

 

[Largeletters]

Yes. I even deleted my social media accounts because of it. Everyone seems so happy. While I'm here wanting to kill myself.

I understand you on that one, Woodnote. I get extremely jealous and sad when I see other people's social media posts and pictures. I try to tell myself that it's fake, or the majority is, anyway, and it isn't an accurate portrayal of someone's life, but the feeling remains.

 

[OpheliasFlowers]

I actually just finally deleted my Facebook due to feeling this way.

I have a LOT of health problems and am basically housebound except going for doctor appointments. I'm early 50s but have had poor physical health, and depression and anxiety, since...well, all my life, really. But my physical health got much worse in my mid-20s and I was already struggling with holding onto jobs and relationships before that due to depression and anxiety...after getting physically sick(er), I had no chance to build a career, form friendships or connections, travel, or do any of those things I've watched all my old classmates and relatives do in their lives. I have no kids, no friends, never had a house, bought a new car, got to have a wedding, nothing. I live in a dumpy, crummy apartment. I don't drive or even have a car. I feel like a 50+ year old child because I've never experienced an 'adult life'. I am nothing and have achieved nothing, and at my age and in my health, I have nothing to look forward to nor the time now TO achieve anything. The people I see on FB that I grew up with have degrees, houses, vacation houses, friends, they take trips/travel, kids of there own and are now even becoming grandparents! They have things to show for their lives...all I have is a long medical history, hospitalizations (both medical and mental health), and not much else. My life truly has been pointless and miserable and I try not to compare myself and my life to others' lives and accomplishments but I do. And it makes me both embarrassed and feel like shit.

Plus I look like hell. I would never, ever want any of those people to see me or where I live/how I live or know how useless I turned out to be.

 

[Final Escape]

Yes.. I deleted my main Facebook account and made a new one with a slightly different name so old classmates won't be able to find or message me.

This is what I did, fake name profile lol! The worst is when u tell people u don't have a Facebook account. People look at u with suspicion like how dare u not conform and have Facebook. How do we know if u are a real person unless u use it?

 

[Esc9434]

I'm sure the people who are doing great have hidden problems in their lives too.

Remember, the more things you have, the more things that can be taken away from you.

You don't know how much help they had, or what breaks they had to get into their current position.

Don't live up to societal expectations. Live up to your own expectations.

 

[blackpaper]

I sometimes run into people I knew in school and Uni. Luckily only very briefly when Im on my way to something.
I tell them that Im in a hurry. If we exchange contacts, I never call back. I cringe at the thought of having to tell someone how I live, how little I archieved
and how disfunctional I am.
When I decided to stop further studying and to think about if I want to continue to live or kill myself I stopped responding to the few people who still knew me.
Im very jealous of other peoples lives. I hate to hear what my old friends do atm. I think thats on of my main problems atm, Im very lonely but in no fukkin
way I will go out trying to form friendships in my situation, way to embarresing.
I wish I wouldnt care about societal expectations or status but I cant, at least for now. I feel extremely inferior to other people.

 

[Sweet Release]

I'm sure the people who are doing great have hidden problems in their lives too.

Remember, the more things you have, the more things that can be taken away from you.

You don't know how much help they had, or what breaks they had to get into their current position.

Don't live up to societal expectations. Live up to your own expectations.

Very wise

 

[silvermoon]

I don't use social media anymore. Just to avoid them. They look really happy that makes me think why my life sucks. Some of them are married. Kids. It's embarrassing to face them. I was smarter than my friends still I end up like this. It's been years since I called any of my friends. Don't want them to know about my failure.

 

[TAW122]

I'm not really embarrassed or ashamed because I don't compete with nor against them. I live by my own standards and rules (for the most part). Yes, there are things that I wish to have, but those are "personal goals" and not dictated by others, but by myself and myself only.