snowcloud9
I’m Cold
- Sep 9, 2023
- 250
I've been struggling with an unconventional eating disorder where I basically can't eat certain foods because of texture or whatnot before I instinctively gag it out. I'm very picky on food and it's so hard to eat 
People get annoyed at me when I don't eat or complain about the symptoms of not eating, they tell me to eat more as if it isn't already fucking obvious that I need to eat more. I guess it doesn't help that I've had periods of intentional restriction like that of anorexia.
I feel so dizzy. I'm just sitting down normally, but the room is swaying and my head hurts and my whole body aches. I can't rest though because I have a midterm tomorrow, and if I fail the class I get dropped out of college... A part of me wonders if there's anyone that wouldn't be suicidal in this position, to be in constant physical pain. I'm in this lonely position, because people think that it's so easy and that I'm being difficult on purpose... "just eat" they say, as if the psychological barrier doesn't exist... I laugh at my fatigue when I complain about it to other people, but it isn't funny or wanted to me at all.
If someone got to experience what you've experienced, do you think they would still be pro-life? I feel as though at some point, no longer existing would be the best solution. And that those who are staunchly pro-life can only be so because they haven't felt a certain level of suffering.
People get annoyed at me when I don't eat or complain about the symptoms of not eating, they tell me to eat more as if it isn't already fucking obvious that I need to eat more. I guess it doesn't help that I've had periods of intentional restriction like that of anorexia.I feel so dizzy. I'm just sitting down normally, but the room is swaying and my head hurts and my whole body aches. I can't rest though because I have a midterm tomorrow, and if I fail the class I get dropped out of college... A part of me wonders if there's anyone that wouldn't be suicidal in this position, to be in constant physical pain. I'm in this lonely position, because people think that it's so easy and that I'm being difficult on purpose... "just eat" they say, as if the psychological barrier doesn't exist... I laugh at my fatigue when I complain about it to other people, but it isn't funny or wanted to me at all.
If someone got to experience what you've experienced, do you think they would still be pro-life? I feel as though at some point, no longer existing would be the best solution. And that those who are staunchly pro-life can only be so because they haven't felt a certain level of suffering.
