Venting DYING

[Unattainable666]

This thought came to me as i was driving home from the hell hole last night. Every day I wake up I'm dying. Dying emotionally, physically and mentally. Every day I wake up a piece of me is gone. I'm not the person I used to be. Life has taken the joy, laughter, patience and understanding from me. I am now a bitter, angry bitch who hates 99% of people walking around. I used to be such a caring, loving person. I would go out of my way to help anyone. Years ago I went to the river with some people. A couple of people brought their two little girls. They immediately got shit faced and couldn't even stand up. I looked into the river and saw tips of one of the little girl's fingers. Without thinking I jumped into the river knowing my life was on the line and save these two little girls. Why am I telling you this? I'm not sure now 35 years later if I would do that. Am I a bad person? No. Life has taken everything from me and I have nothing left. So, I have a choice I can either ctb and leave with dignity and before I totally lose my mind or I can continue to live in this shit world, continually being abused mentally and emotionally until I die "naturally." I will ctb, it's a matter of time. I'm an impulsive person and i know one day soon I will be in such a dark place I will take my life back from this shit world and go to a peaceful place with Chris and my Dad.

 

[sanction]

I can either ctb and leave with dignity and before I totally lose my mind or I can continue to live in this shit world, continually being abused mentally and emotionally until I die "naturally." I will ctb, it's a matter of time.

I can totally relate to this above phrase

 

[mortuarymary]

I think you still would.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you eventually find peace from all the suffering, it certainly is cruel how people have to suffer so much in this dreadful world.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think you still would.

I reckon @Unattainable666 still would too...

Despite what shit life's thrown at you- you still clearly have so much compassion for people. That's pretty amazing- to keep your own humanity despite being shown so little of it.

Those poor kids! They must have been terrified. So lucky that you were there and keeping an eye on them. I hope their parents were grateful.

 

[iusedtobehappy]

You would jump in to save her. I am 100% sure of that. You are a beautiful person. We have chatted and that I know also 100%. What happens is there is a core person inside each person. That core person stays, your inherent nature, but after life has its way, it feels like the core person died or has been killed. For what you have been through, as kind as you are, it is actually amazing. I have realized that there are different type of people. Some of us are more fragile than others. There is nothing wrong with that, as the fragile ones tend to have the most empathy and are capable of much deeper love than the tougher ones. The tougher ones often lost their humanity and become robots, completely unlovable. The problem with being fragile is that everything hurts, like 1000 knives stabbing us. We feel everything. We love harder and stronger and longer but when love is elusive, it feels like we are dying. I think fragile people die a number of deaths because of the depth of what we feel. But they also tend to be the most beautiful, soulful people on the earth. You would jump in to save her.