Venting Dying without getting to live

[sunnydaysahead]

Life is a sick joke, I feel. I need to move out, but since I don't make a lot I never can. I could go to college, but one more second of this life sounds like torture, even 2 years would kill me. I'm too old to be like this, I should've found a way to move out years ago, maybe my procrastination will be what kills me in the end. It seems fitting.

I'm going to ask my parents if I can get on testosterone one more time. If they say no, it's over. I'm an adult and shouldn't even have to ask, but they may kick me out if I don't get their permission and I have no one to go to, so...

Is it selfish and horrible to give them this ultimatum? Of course, but what the fuck else am I supposed to do, live as a walking corpse for an indefinite amount of time? I don't recognize myself, can't hear my own voice without dissociating.

I have decided my method (partial hanging), I just hope I can go through with it. I decided against benedryl + alcohol bc you guys helped me out. Thank you.

If anyone has any advice, I'd appreciate it. I've already looked into roommates, I have no idea how to find any.

 

[cciro]

Moving out and going to uni was when I got on hrt since it had stuff in place to get on the right track. Tbh hrt takes so long and is so luck based imo but it works miracles for some people apparently. It's always worth a try if you can I think.

 

[Rockman]

I think if you're willing to give this type of ultimatum it's fair enough for your parents to kick you out of the house to prove your manhood.

However, in my opinion these scenes are unnecessary.

You're an adult; you don't have to ask anyone for their opinion. You can get there step by step, but unfortunately it takes hard work. Once you leave the house on your own, you'll be free to decide how you want to live or die your life.