Venting Dying feels like it has too many steps

[laboratoby]

I've been wanting to do more than rot in bed, and recently I've gotten a job as a Door Dasher so I can make money finally. I'm planning on using most of it towards CTB but I find it really difficult to know what I should even be spending my money on. I don't know what's worthwhile to focus on in my life and that same uncertainty just follows me whenever I think about dying. I know I want things from life, and want to pass, but everything feels so daunting. The most effort I've been putting in recently has just been towards watching the train near me go by and fantasizing about jumping into it or waiting for it to run me over. Even that day dream feels overwhelming since I can't track the time when it arrives since its running always. I just want to die now for free, I want to get shot dead or killed, it's easier than making any decisions. If anyone has any advice into any easy methods or threads that have helped, I would appreciate it. Kind words too, I know whoever sees this is going through a lot too. ♡

 

[doomedbynarrative]

Could always spend the money on food for yourself too I'll admit that's what I think about spending my little amount of money on these days. I like my little snacks...

And yeah, dying has a lot of steps. Even peaceful, natural death. We live in a complex world where nothing can ever be simple I guess.

 

[laboratoby]

Could always spend the money on food for yourself too I'll admit that's what I think about spending my little amount of money on these days. I like my little snacks...

And yeah, dying has a lot of steps. Even peaceful, natural death. We live in a complex world where nothing can ever be simple I guess.

Little snacks are cool, I don't really have an appetite nowadays though lol. I got some cake for my birthday and it was pretty good so thats really the only thing I want to eat, after that I don't know what else.