Dulled knives

[Alienated_Candle]

I felt so silly today, I'm 7 days cigarette free and I have been screaming at the walls. It's like all my problems compounded on me and I felt this overwhelming desire to come to peace. I didn't put a lot of thought into it and just went in the kitchen and found an old friend.

As I traced my vein with the shinny slender blade and began to press. It became quite apparent that the knife was very dull. I went back to the kitchen and realized I have no knife sharpener, am I really an adult with no sharpener? I realize in that moment that all I am is collection of bad choices, a forced economic policy spanning an entire lifetime leaving me unprepared for all the things I really want.

I'm being considered for a 6 figure job and I couldn't care less, my online dating apps are just endless offers from any man I choose and yet I won't choose any of them, & I live in paradise in Florida and hide inside all day. I don't understand why I won't allow myself to be happy, I don't know why I hate myself, all I think about everyday is the people that have wronged me and the lament of being abandoned. I want a different life but I'm incapable of choosing it.

 

[LoopLooper]

Thank you for sharing this.

It's not often you find people with mindsets like ours, that -on the surface- seem to be doing pretty well, and even admit to their economic affluence, and describe their living conditions with strongly affirmative words like "paradise," whom nonetheless, feel the way that we do.

It really goes to show that our mindset is earnest, and our disdain for life genuine, regardless of social class.

I hope you can stumble into some happiness by accident at the very least. I'll think about this post from time to time.

 

[Alienated_Candle]

Thank you for sharing this.

It's not often you find people with mindsets like ours, that -on the surface- seem to be doing pretty well, and even admit to their economic affluence, and describe their living conditions with strongly affirmative words like "paradise," whom nonetheless, feel the way that we do.

It really goes to show that our mindset is earnest, and our disdain for life genuine, regardless of social class.

I hope you can stumble into some happiness by accident at the very least. I'll think about this post from time to time.

i am eating grapes and listening to Rihanna techno mixes so things cant be that bad, plus I'm still cigarette free so I can blame all my bad feelings on breaking that addiction for awhile. thanks

 

[ThisUnrest]

Stopping smoking is physically grueling. It took me several months until i could stop wanting it. Being stuck inside with shitty feelings is extra painful when its nice outside and you know other people are enjoying themselves.