Venting Drunk, tired, spiraling

[mateodolores]

I'm sick of being everyone's therapist. The only reason they've got me trapped in this house with no way of escape is due to my quiet and submissive nature so they can dump everything on me without a problem. I'm so sick of it, though. My parents hate each other and use me as a pawn against each other. They don't give a shit about me or my health. If I'm not being used as a fleshlight by others, I'm being used as a personal therapist by them (esp my family).

Now I'm a few beers deep and dozing off but I'm so hungry. I don't wanna eat anything because I'm too nauseous and dizzy... Thank goodness for autocorrect huh. My mom barged in a few minutes ago to complain about my father being a weird, disgusting and sadistic freak and as soon as I tried to complain about him she slammed the door in my face. Why can't I just be angry too? Why do I have to be the one who helps these people?? My father tried to kill the dog and I saved him from that POS but why did it have to be me? Who is going to save me from this trauma?

January seems so far away. I'm gonna take a swim on the date I've got in mind but holy shit I wanna take a swim right now. I can't. My father's got me by the balls and my mother only enables him. If I try to leave now they'll catch me. Ugh. I hate this life. Fuck.

 

[Pluto]

This is an awful situation. Narcissistic parenting is a reversal of good parenting; it is all about the parents, their desire for drama, their need for attention, etc. For a young person, it means being placed in all sorts of inappropriate roles, yet not knowing anything else. It ends up causing a major disruption in the normal process of self-discovery while growing up, since everything is about the parents and their insatiable egos.

The only advice I can give is to know that they will never change. Not in this lifetime, anyway. If there is to be any progress, they have to be left behind. Whether there could be any healing via therapy, finding new communities or discovering some new life purpose I cannot say. But my experience shows that narcissistic parents will not stop the torment until we are dead, and even then, they will make it all about themselves, manufacture a false narrative and bask in the attention.

 

[theboy]

Hugs for you!

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds really horrible being trapped in that situation, I understand why you would wish to leave so badly, it can just be incredibly tiring and torturous when you continue to experience an existence that you hate. Humans certainly do seem to be responsible for so much of the suffering that continues to exist in this world and it's awful how so many of them inflict all this harm onto others. I hope that when the time is right for you to leave, you find the freedom that you wish for.

 

[Rairii]

I hate how abusive people just get away with everything. I really feel for you. I desperately wish someone could save you from all of this. I've been trapped in abusive environments, i get what it's like, its like living in a never ending hell. its not fair. your parents are awful humans (i'm sorry, i hope that's okay to say) and you obviously never deserved any of this crap. i really hope at the very least that today will be a little bit better. I do hope for more obviously but I know how those situations are. It's understandable why you feel these ways.

 

[Seiko]

I know what it feels like to be used for free therapy; it never feels reciprocated. And it especially hurts when you're in a house where everyone has a free pass to lose their shit—but you can't.

 

[mateodolores]

This is an awful situation. Narcissistic parenting is a reversal of good parenting; it is all about the parents, their desire for drama, their need for attention, etc. For a young person, it means being placed in all sorts of inappropriate roles, yet not knowing anything else. It ends up causing a major disruption in the normal process of self-discovery while growing up, since everything is about the parents and their insatiable egos.

The only advice I can give is to know that they will never change. Not in this lifetime, anyway. If there is to be any progress, they have to be left behind. Whether there could be any healing via therapy, finding new communities or discovering some new life purpose I cannot say. But my experience shows that narcissistic parents will not stop the torment until we are dead, and even then, they will make it all about themselves, manufacture a false narrative and bask in the attention.

Thank you for your input. I really appreciate you.

The issue is I feel I'll never heal from this. I went to a relative's place for a week or so and while I felt a little lighter in every way, there was always this lingering feeling of dread gnawing at my gut that kept me from really enjoying the peace and quiet. Then he called a ton, but that's a story for later. Therapy helped a bit, but I still feel broken beyond measure. No matter what I do or where I go, my parents (esp my father) interfere.

And you're absolutely right. They will never change at all. It's been years and many failed children down the line, but they can never seem to figure out what's wrong. Unfortunately, I've had experience with the aftermath leading to the death of someone close. They really made it a spectacle, especially my father. He lied so much about himself and made himself look amazing while the rest of us were the evil ones who were responsible for that death.

I only worry that my twin will face the ruthless evil my father could dish out after I die like he put on us when that close person died, but I don't have another choice.

It sounds really horrible being trapped in that situation, I understand why you would wish to leave so badly, it can just be incredibly tiring and torturous when you continue to experience an existence that you hate. Humans certainly do seem to be responsible for so much of the suffering that continues to exist in this world and it's awful how so many of them inflict all this harm onto others. I hope that when the time is right for you to leave, you find the freedom that you wish for.

Thank you.

I completely agree. The more I live, the more humans become a plague in my eyes. Many people are limitlessly evil, especially those with a little authority as I've observed.

I hate how abusive people just get away with everything. I really feel for you. I desperately wish someone could save you from all of this. I've been trapped in abusive environments, i get what it's like, its like living in a never ending hell. its not fair. your parents are awful humans (i'm sorry, i hope that's okay to say) and you obviously never deserved any of this crap. i really hope at the very least that today will be a little bit better. I do hope for more obviously but I know how those situations are. It's understandable why you feel these ways.

Thank you.

Agreed 100%. I don't believe in justice or anything more because of how many times people in abusive situations are ignored or shunned for speaking out while their abusers are praised or seen as "good people". I'm sorry that you've experienced abuse. No one should have to go through such a hell, ever. It's extremely unfair and cruel.

No need to apologize. You're right. My parents are monsters. I wanted to deny it for a while, especially when it came to my mother, but I realize she's just as terrible as my father. It's a sad realization, but I just have to accept it.

Thank you very much. I really appreciate your support and understanding.

I know what it feels like to be used for free therapy; it never feels reciprocated. And it especially hurts when you're in a house where everyone has a free pass to lose their shit—but you can't.

I'm sorry you know how this feels. And exactly. It feels like you're only there to help others, like a robot or something.

 

[makethepainstop]

If I can take some small amount of time out of my day to help someone who is in excruciating pain. Then by all means let me provide that help. As I have suffered with no help but my own devices, and found it rough going.... therefore knowing their pain.....why should I be indifferent to their pain? May I never be so cold, so calloused, so indifferent to the pain of others, that I ignore their plea for help! Love to all here.