Help Drowning in lake or bathtub? Cbt soon

[nadia225]

need advice but here is the dilemma.
I would like to drown in the lake nearby my house but I would have to walk 3hrs there in order to do in the dark, because I need to reduce the chance of somebody being able to save me once I go in(the lake is located in a park next to a college and there is a fishing access that is connected which people always frequent). That being said it takes a lot of energy and time to walk there and too many variables of it going wrong by somebody being there since that has happened on multiple occasions when I tried to visit the lake to drown).
So I thought of the bathtub method but the only thing is my family is in the house and there is always a chance of somebody finding me in the process of this happening(somebody going to the bathroom in the middle of the night) As I could end up with brain damage because they are going to try to save me. Also with the bathtub method I'm not really sure how to go about that because my bathtub isn't really that big(have to bend my legs to submerge under water) and im hesitant on SI kicking in and making too much noise to alert my family, since I would have to do it at night when the house is extremely quite.
Any advice is helpful since I really want to exit and I don't want to fuck it up this time.

 

[Sleeper System]

Depends on the kind of person you are...

The lake, imo, is more profound and dignified.

The bathtub just seems... desperate... cliche... lacking class.

Some people aren't afflicted with those sort of trivial thoughts
and don't care how they go. Personally, if you're going to cut your life short, at least make your death count.

 

[Lulzacruel]

being honest, nobody is gonna go to a lake in the middle of the fucking dark! if you value success than time then the lake is a fair option.

I suggest you use a charting map such as Windy to use as a guide for the wave dispersal patterns. If you value not being found then this might very just very be your good tool as it can predict where your body will go and where it will be by the time public attention is focused on the lake for hunters and fishers as it can predict the speed of dispersal.

note that in swampy water, DNA evidence is eliminated 1 week into being in swampy water compared to clean bathtub water but fingerprint evidence can survive for 40+ years in water so try not to use any tools that you will need to lay your fingers on. you have to also watch out for dental identification so ideally you should try to remain out long enough that the teeth decay or fall out of the gingava

lastly, please think about if you want to do this. as hypocritical as this sounds coming from SS, many suicidal people regret their actions after a failed attempt, so consider if there are absolutely no alternatives.

i hope this hellped!!

 

[nadia225]

Personally, if you're going to cut your life short, at least make your death count.

That is exactly what I was thinking the bathtub method is very last minute and to me it causes way more harm to my household than anybody else. Which kinda unnecessary comes off as attention seeks and more uncomfortable unlike the lake method. Since I already don't know how to swim this one is very much ideal to me.

Yet the timing is the only thing that is making me hesitate because I don't want to spend all that energy getting there finally jumping in the cold ass lake and dealing with that pain just for somebody to swoop me up and try to save me and I deal with brain damage I dislike the possibility of that happening. yet in both cases that could happen to be honest.

Any advice on how to make the lake method workin a more timely efficient manner,so it would be least noticeable if there are others around. I was looking into the shallow water technique seems like it would work. But for some reason I'm having trouble hyperventilating in a effective manner that would cause me to get dizzy in a timely manner. Not even really sure if it is necessary to go this route when I can just jump in the water go under and hope for the best.

 

[Sleeper System]

The bathtub method that people who aren't familiar with that scenario don't think about is the fact that your home becomes a crime scene. You effectively take your own life as well as the place where your family lives. You forever taint that place for them and that is selfish.

As for the lake, the distance is what it is. Best you can do is dress comfortable, bring some food and drinks, take your time, and focus on your goal. Drowning is a horrible death. There will be pain. Most people can't get passed the fight or flight instinct and bail. Milliseconds feel like an eternity. I would not go this route without heavy drugs or a bullet to the head in a way so I fall into the lake and something is weighing me down.

 

[nadia225]

being honest, nobody is gonna go to a lake in the middle of the fucking dark! if you value success than time then the lake is a fair option.

I suggest you use a charting map such as Windy to use as a guide for the wave dispersal patterns. If you value not being found then this might very just very be your good tool as it can predict where your body will go and where it will be by the time public attention is focused on the lake for hunters and fishers as it can predict the speed of dispersal.

note that in swampy water, DNA evidence is eliminated 1 week into being in swampy water compared to clean bathtub water but fingerprint evidence can survive for 40+ years in water so try not to use any tools that you will need to lay your fingers on. you have to also watch out for dental identification so ideally you should try to remain out long enough that the teeth decay or fall out of the gingava

lastly, please think about if you want to do this. as hypocritical as this sounds coming from SS, many suicidal people regret their actions after a failed attempt, so consider if there are absolutely no alternatives.

i hope this hellped!!

I'm headset on doing this I had to many failed attempts and that is why I wanted to make sure that this one is fool proof. Only problem is walking to the lake before it is 5am because unfortunately people are there. I would have to leave late at night to not raise any suspicion in my household and the area is rural not a safe path to walk to be honest so I would be walking on the road a lot which is why I prefer to go later since there is barely any cars. It's all really just time that is fucking with me since I know it would be successful if I get my timing right.

The bathtub method that people who aren't familiar with that scenario don't think about is the fact that your home becomes a crime scene. You effectively take your own life as well as the place where your family lives. You forever taint that place for them and that is selfish.

As for the lake, the distance is what it is. Best you can do is dress comfortable, bring some food and drinks, take your time, and focus on your goal. Drowning is a horrible death. There will be pain. Most people can't get passed the fight or flight instinct and bail. Milliseconds feel like an eternity. I would not go this route without heavy drugs or a bullet to the head in a way so I fall into the lake and something is weighing me down.

I choose drowning as one of the methods because I actually drowned before and got to the euphoric step into the light stage. So the way I remember it is the pain really comes from the panic of you trying to reach the surface the inhaling water part is kinda painful but it doesn't last that long and eventually goes away like really fast everything becomes extremely peaceful. So I'm going in with the intention of not fighting anything and just inhaling the water. Unlike the first time when I drowned it wasn't intentional so it was very panicky.

 

[Lulzacruel]

I'm headset on doing this I had to many failed attempts and that is why I wanted to make sure that this one is fool proof. Only problem is walking to the lake before it is 5am because unfortunately people are there. I would have to leave late at night to not raise any suspicion in my household and the area is rural not a safe path to walk to be honest so I would be walking on the road a lot which is why I prefer to go later since there is barely any cars. It's all really just time that is fucking with me since I know it would be successful if I get my timing right.

Okay, the presence of people makes that a bit worse. Do you know any hotspots for people within the forest? You could try to stay away from those.

 

[nadia225]

Okay, the presence of people makes that a bit worse. Do you know any hotspots for people within the forest? You could try to stay away from those.

That's the thing the lake is located in a very open area(which happens to be behind a university like directly behind it) and is controlled by park rangers early in the morning when it isn't open. I often see people driving with their boats or cars parked near the entrance when I got there at 6am last time and it isn't even open yet. Recently I discovered there is a "fishing" access right down the road which Is connected to the big lake. So I was hoping I could just do it there since that is open 24/7 and I don't believe there is anybody patrolling that area im just worried that there may be people there fishing before the other side of the park lake opens, again ruining my plans. And since it takes so long to get there it will be me spending all that time for no reason just for it to be another fail like before.

Yet I'm kinda conflicted because I might just do it anyways with somebody being there, as a teenager not too long along drowned in the park lake area on the 4th of July and it was full of people on the pier he jumped off of and nobody saved him so I'm thinking that even if somebody does see me it is very unlikely that somebody will save me since he jumped in front of multiple families and still died. But I don't even want to risk that happening because you never know who will try to play hero. as somebody before saw me trying to drown at the lake while he was fishing and he literally stayed right there and kept asking me questions because he knew what I was going to do…not in the mood for any of these variables getting in the way I just want 10 minutes to myself and for it to be over with.

 

[oliviadenoncourt@gm]

I've seen a couple of your posts on other threads related to drowning and I'm curious to what your reasoning is for this method. PM me?

 

[nadia225]

I've seen a couple of your posts on other threads related to drowning and I'm curious to what your reasoning is for this method. PM me?

Joined the forum today so I don't believe I have access to that feature to PM yet

But I can explain why I chose this method. It is a number of reasons the main one being the most convenient for me considering at the moment I don't have the resources for a painless death with a high success rate and i want to leave soon so everything either takes a shitload of money and research and even then I would have to wait for everything to arrive and set everything up in a way where I won't be found which to me is unnecessary planning and causing more distress than I need right now. Since I don't know how to swim I know this would definitely to the job regardless of how shallow the water is. Also I don't want to die in my house because unlike before I didn't take in consideration that a previous responder pointed out that it would become a crime scene which is just very stressful for the people that live in this house and I'm not trying to make a spectacle out of the situation. I'm doing this to release the burden not cause 10x more when I'm gone.


Lastly I drowned before and that pain is bearable considering the absolute euphoria you feel when your are slipping away it is very worth it in my opinion and a overall beautiful experience. Honestly it was the first time I felt at peace in my life something I can't describe. So if I can exit and leave my earth vessel in nature surrounded by water returning to the source of what brings life on this planet then I choose that completely. There is plenty more reasons but I condensed it for you.

 

[Nezumi04]

I can relate with you wanting to use this method... if I'm unable to use a preferred method, I was thinking about drowning myself in the bathtub or a public lake too. I was planning to scout out the lakes nearby where I live, looking for a deep one and how isolated it could be late at night. And my reasons are exactly like yours, because I remember almost drowning when I was a kid and after the initial panic, it didn't seem painful at all but momentarily peaceful (until I got pulled out of the water and coughed everything up). I also don't know how to swim.

It does seem kind of risky going to the lake though, since it's in public and you've kept encountering people late at night there. Is that the only nearby lake to your house?

 

[nadia225]

It does seem kind of risky going to the lake though, since it's in public and you've kept encountering people late at night there. Is that the only nearby lake to your house?

unfortunately yes it is the only lake…like if it was just a little closer and a little more solitude I would have been out of here lol. But I recently found the back end park of the lake called the fishing access that reopened so I doubt there would be anybody early in the morning 5-6am. Then again I've never been to that part so who knows I'll probably test it out Monday morning since I don't really see myself making it into next week. If there is somebody there then I would probably have to tweak my plan a lil and try again the next day so we will see.

I was planning to scout out the lakes nearby where I live, looking for a deep one and how isolated it could be late at night. And my reasons are exactly like yours, because I remember almost drowning when I was a kid and after the initial panic, it didn't seem painful at all but momentarily peaceful

I'm glad somebody experience it in a similar manner because I keep hearing it's the most painful thing next to burning to death and I'm so confused because that isn't how I experienced it at all lol. Kinda mad they pulled me out cause I was ready to backflip out of my body once I reached that point.

I recommend going in google finding a lake that is the most convenient more to you, it should have the depth stats posted as well if that makes it any easier. Also are you doing any method in particular or just jumping straight in?

 

[oliviadenoncourt@gm]

Lastly I drowned before and that pain is bearable considering the absolute euphoria you feel when your are slipping away it is very worth it in my opinion and a overall beautiful experience. Honestly it was the first time I felt at peace in my life something I can't describe. So if I can exit and leave my earth vessel in nature surrounded by water returning to the source of what brings life on this planet then I choose that completely. There is plenty more reasons but I condensed it for you.

Don't you feel like maybe there is something else to give you that euphoric feeling? I'm kind of referring to drugs but what if actually learning how to swim gave you that same feeling that? I'm not going to try and convince you to not CTB because you seem pretty set in what your doing but I'd still like to talk to you about everything.

 

[nadia225]

Don't you feel like maybe there is something else to give you that euphoric feeling? I'm kind of referring to drugs but what if actually learning how to swim gave you that same feeling that? I'm not going to try and convince you to not CTB because you seem pretty set in what your doing but I'd still like to talk to you about everything.

Oh you were referring to why I would choose to cbt in the first place? Now that complicated but I am not trying to drown for the sole purpose of getting that euphoric feeling I just know those last moments before you slip away are extremely peaceful with this method and I genuinely don't mind the pain and burning for a short period of time. Also I don't think cbt is an end to any of my problems so my philosophy on why I am doing this is kinda weird to most.

 

[oliviadenoncourt@gm]

Oh you were referring to why I would choose to cbt in the first place? Now that complicated but I am not trying to drown for the sole purpose of getting that euphoric feeling I just know those last moments before you slip away are extremely peaceful with this method and I genuinely don't mind the pain and burning for a short period of time. Also I don't think cbt is an end to any of my problems so my philosophy on why I am doing this is kinda weird to most.

Would you mind explaining that to me? It's fine if you don't want to, I'm simply curious.

 

[nadia225]

Would you mind explaining that to me? It's fine if you don't want to, I'm simply curious.

Well for starters it ties into my belief of an afterlife(don't like using this word because I don't believe this earth plane is the ultimate form of life it's self) or more so another point of being after we leave this plane of existence (kinda like nothing cease to exist it just converts into a another form of being) but not one that is in a religious(dogma) aspect I regard it in one that takes in account there is a higher power but the power is pretty neutral but has no bad intentions because that would contradict the laws of its existence for one and it doesn't live a duality I believe that is a man made manifestation that is ultimately inevitable with the gift of free will and consciousness but i regress. Kinda unnecessary to get into that right now.

When it comes to what is driving me cbt is a number of reasons that because of of the state that I am in currently it is very very difficult for me to explain which is one of the reasons I want to leave . But I'll try. Basically I feel as though there are different sectors of yourself that make up your being one of which being (ie ego) this of which isn't bad and there is not just one ego since they are made up from experiences that have shaped you in some manner developed a sense of self for preservation of your being. weird I know. So basically the way I view it is those experiences are that shape you are purely worldly because they were experienced in the world by the world So if you let those sections of you run rampant without learning and recognizing them you will one be controlled by the world and anything outside of yourself will never grant you true deep fulfillment for your soul it will just be feeding your flesh which always wants to be pleased.

Ultimately it will consume you and you will become lost in regards of yourself shallow…just a vulnerable vessel in a way most of the population if not all move in this manner. Some don't though but it takes a shit load acceptance and self realization. This also refers to anybody with mental disabilities and physical disabilities the journey is very individualized to one's self so it can be done. With that being said I've been through a lot when I was younger at a very young age that changed my outlook on life it's self and how I viewed myself I never experienced actual peace in my life everything was fabricated for me because I was constantly trying to mask myself and be normal literally running away from myself so I never acknowledge any emotions and I soon became a vessel of just nothingness. Yeah it isn't true nothingness because obviously we all feel something but when it comes to emotions I could never truly recognize them because the soul pain was so deep and if I were to do that then I would break, reliving a pain I wouldn't wish on anybody so I learned to bury them deep down but the funny thing with emotions and trauma is you can't, they will manifest in you subconscious whether you want to recognize it or not so even if you think you are running there's no escape you have to confront it. Anyways me doing this for so many years (I'm only 18) caused me to be unconscious of my own self and I would fall into delusions (narcissistic tendencies) to not confront what I actually thought about myself and all the things I've been through because for the longest time I mind fucked myself into saying those things didn't affect me because honestly I truly felt nothing but that was the affect it had on me I couldn't see that my behavior wasn't normal because I never expressed myself. I would treat people like pawns my friends, my family members, anybody really and not in a malicious way at all but in way where I recognized that they were disposable or I cannot get to close because everything is temporary not knowing it was a coping mechanism so one I couldn't get hurt and two I didn't want anybody to see under the mask I tried so hard to maintain even to myself I would hold up a mask. Anyways I would go more into it but I feel like it's post is already pretty long sorry for the rambling. Fast forward I feel asthough the one part I was trying to run away from has consumed me figuratively and literally in a way that is going to take a very long time to depart from and I simply don't trust myself anymore to achieve and persevere over this because my conscious mind has blocked out what is needed to overcome something like this I'm too involved in the world side of things and trust me I dont want anything to do with the world you see the state of this shit and the individuals that are consumed by it.

Yes I could live and suffer willingly and just succumb to it all but I know what that leads to and it won't bring any contentment within, I see it all around me I see what happens when you rely on medicine when you try to push down those traumas not only am I am embodiment of such but so is everybody else creating a more painful cycle. I don't want any parts in that. The way I view it when I cbt is a way for me to heal myself and probably do more good when I can reassess everything. Yes it is extreme and I'm trying to explain everything without making it super long so some parts may not make a sense to you but I truly feel as though this is a way to achieve what I need to do yes there are probably others ways idk but im at the point where I am willing to take the risk being here in this state or this mindset is not productive to me whatsoever for soul development and I believe in complete autonomy so I rather just exit and deal with these issues in a way that will not hurt others any longer.

The way I view it death is inevitable for everybody so yeah this action may hurt people (contradicting what I said) but by that logic if I stay and die naturally(ie some freak accident or old age or whatever something that is directly self caused) somebody out there will probably be sad in a way so it doesn't really matter how I die. I also believe that even the "natural deaths" are self caused at times just unconsciously (sometimes) I don't think in black and white so it is not a blanket statement to every situation or person. One way or another we are all going to have to confront those demons even the people that choose to live when they die it will meet them too if they haven't made peace with it in this lifetime and that's what it's all about to me making peace with your experiences accepting and accepting the new journey that comes after because it is never ending.

 

[oliviadenoncourt@gm]

Yes it is extreme and I'm trying to explain everything without making it super long so some parts may not make a sense to you but I truly feel as though this is a way to achieve what I need to do

I partially understand what you are trying to say even if it is complex and I appreciate you for trying to explain it. I would make further comments but I do not know what parts are important to you and would be appropriate to reply to.

 

[nadia225]

I partially understand what you are trying to say even if it is complex and I appreciate you for trying to explain it. I would make further comments but I do not know what parts are important to you and would be appropriate to reply to.

I mean I would love to hear from others about they're input on more poorly worded philosophy so by all means quote whatever you feel like you want to comment on.

 

[oliviadenoncourt@gm]

I will try to not sound confrontational so I apologize if I do, like I said I am very curious about your experiences.

it ties into my belief of an afterlife(don't like using this word because I don't believe this earth plane is the ultimate form of life it's self) or more so another point of being after we leave this plane of existence

If you believe in the afterlife, don't you believe that there is some higher power that isn't necessarily a god that will put you there when you are ready? If you do why do you think that it has put you in this position (I'm not sure if you believe that it is currently with us or is after CTB) if it has no bad intentions?

So if you let those sections of you run rampant without learning and recognizing them you will one be controlled by the world and anything outside of yourself will never grant you true deep fulfillment for your soul it will just be feeding your flesh which always wants to be pleased.

Do you believe that CTB will grant you this fulfillment? Our "flesh" wants to be pleased and that is it's purpose, to try and thrive no matter what we do. We can condition our body to sustain to being neglected and turn off those signals in our body but that doesn't mean we can go long without whatever we are missing.

Anyways me doing this for so many years (I'm only 18) caused me to be unconscious of my own self and I would fall into delusions (narcissistic tendencies) to not confront what I actually thought about myself and all the things I've been through

Are you saying that you would almost like shut off to avoid these emotions? Is that what I'm getting at or am I completely wrong?

That's going to be it for bit because I'm high and my eyes won't focus

 

[6sad6grl6]

Now I know it's not one of your CTB, but instead of a lake why not the ocean? Lakes don't have riptides. I know it might not be an option, but it's wayyyyy easier to drown if that's something you're thinking of. I always liked the idea of drowning but bathtub without sedatives seems super low being successful. And lake sounds like there's too much time to hesitate and go back. Plus I love suicideboys and that one song "a death in the ocean would be beautiful" like where else would be the perfect place to drown? Just a thought but regardless lake would prob be a better option plus everyone will think of you when they think of the lake

 

[nadia225]

If you believe in the afterlife, don't you believe that there is some higher power that isn't necessarily a god that will put you there when you are ready? If you do why do you think that it has put you in this position (I'm not sure if you believe that it is currently with us or is after CTB) if it has no bad intentions?

I believe "god" or the higher power is a omnipresent being it's not just a man or a woman or a certain energy it is everything it is the creator which lies in all things, including us. I don't see the afterlife as just one place we go to, I believe when we die there are many layers and levels to go in nothing is stagnant and absolute it's infinite just like this place is in a way but on different laws of operation. I don't believe that me choosing to go at this point of time is apart of the plan whatsoever because of it truly were then I would've died already but it just simply isn't I take this as me succumbing to the part of me that is limiting my growth but one of which I will recognize we I depart also (I also believe in reincarnation to an extent). I don't blame my current state on the most high whatsoever, all of my suffering was self inflicted(to an extent) because I kept choosing things that will keep me entrapped instead of recognizing so I really don't believe I was "put into this position".
I had other paths I could've went down and I still do it's all up to me at this point as it always has been.
The way I view it is when we are born and clothed with flesh that ties us to this world it is already a immediate battle between flesh and spirit we are born into duality until we decide to take control and shape our reality which is eliminating duality but to do so yes we must go through hardships that's inevitable and things are not fair as they will never be in this world because we are battling with ourselves more so then anything else. Basically overcome yourself overcome your flesh so you will be more prepared to move into higher realms of being in a way. I'm trying to say this is the least egotistical way as possible. It's very hard to convey these my ideology without rambling so I apologize.

Do you believe that CTB will grant you this fulfillment? Our "flesh" wants to be pleased and that is it's purpose, to try and thrive no matter what we do. We can condition our body to sustain to being neglected and turn off those signals in our body but that doesn't mean we can go long without whatever we are missing.

No, I don't believe it will give the true soul fulfillment that I need, because I think that comes with overcoming you flesh while you are here to take on a new journey which is extremely difficult and why most reincarnate. I think it would give me more clarity to reassess and try again in this hellish existence if I am being honest. I see how my choices have lead me down a path of me losing my sense of self I can't put this into words but my inner part of me doesn't like how this is going because it doesn't align with my spirit at or the purpose it sought to achieve while being down here( which I am completely unconsciously aware of) I'm very young so I am not sure if what I seek is achievable once you reach this state. But hey I guess Ill see when I leave. And I totally agree with you that "it doesn't mean we can go long without whatever we are missing" I believe that is the lack of spirit connection within us (which is us and the energy that is most attached to our "higher power" before we are clothed) and why loose ourselves because we identify with the flesh part (much easier to do) that causes us latch on to things that need more and more of whatever it may be because subconsciously we know what is we need to actually be fulfilled and the steps to do (kinda) but if that connection isn't strong by constantly ignoring it and choosing the latter that result in diminishment it will only get quieter and quieter making it harder to actually choose ourselves. So it becomes an endless cycle of chasing flesh to feed fleshly desires and many become infactuated with ideals and succumb to the thought that of duality and you can't have everything (which is true in a sense but not it's recognizing what is the everything that you want in why). Sorry if I'm loosing you I told you it's very complex for me to explain .

Are you saying that you would almost like shut off to avoid these emotions? Is that what I'm getting at or am I completely wrong?

That's going to be it for bit because I'm high and my eyes won't focus

Yes that is exactly what I'm saying like I learned to completely separate from myself in any situation that called for too much emotion. I'm pretty sure that is from sexual abuse at such a young age because the feelings that come with that are deeply complex for any toddler to comprehend. It is genuinely scary to me because I obviously feel emotions of course but my brain doesn't want to recognize it. it's weird unless it's fake of disingenuous but even the "fake emotions" have underlining real emotions attached to it. This or it is very over the top and overwhelming for me to the point I will shut off before I can even register it.

Basically no balance it is either all or nothing and until recently I didn't realize how weird it was that I didn't know how to respond to emotions. I mean I've been told my whole life that "emotionally detached" by parents and friends ect just overall a terrible individual by my sister, but I have to force myself at times to feel these things when others don't. It's not like I don't feel them initially it's just my brain has found a way to minimize them immensely and it's kinda like a auto pilot thing. I find it extremely annoying because I do feel sadness, empathy, sympathy, all of which have negativity intertwined within it because my brain is comfortable with those emotions it's used to it and recognizes but even that is too an extent like I can't do it fully ( I remember a few years back that I would have to force myself to cry whenever I felt deep despair only being able to do so by making up a fake scenario in my mind) I could never cry over what I was actually sad about. I rarely feel positive emotions that are fabricated neither. I know I sound like a robot but it is true. All of this which hindered my personality growth because I believe emotional intelligence is connected to all things including finding one's self.

Now I know it's not one of your CTB, but instead of a lake why not the ocean? Lakes don't have riptides. I know it might not be an option, but it's wayyyyy easier to drown if that's something you're thinking of. I always liked the idea of drowning but bathtub without sedatives seems super low being successful. And lake sounds like there's too much time to hesitate and go back. Plus I love suicideboys and that one song "a death in the ocean would be beautiful" like where else would be the perfect place to drown? Just a thought but regardless lake would prob be a better option plus everyone will think of you when they think of the lake

Well for starters I don't live by an ocean so it isn't really an option for me I mean I could find one but the logistics of where doesn't matter to me I just want to die now and soon. Fuck reprises I'm not trying to water board myself I plan to go under inhale and not come back up since I already don't know how to swim. But yes I agree with the lake there is much time to go back, but that's the thing I visited the lake on multiple occasions with the intention to cbt, that is why I even found the lake to begin with after my last failed attempt with food. So with me constantly walking that 3hr walk in the middle of dark which I am not too fond of just to fail is a feeling I don't like. I'm am deeply depressed it takes alot of energy for me to the most simple things like eat or get out of the bed recently so I have no intention of hesitating and going back if the conditions are perfect unlike before when I visited.

I've also ruled out the bathtub method for numerous reasons 1) it's dramatic for my family which isn't necessary and doesn't align with my goals 2) 50% chance of fail even if I do become unconscious which causes more drama 3) way to much energy I would have to go in there with a method (hyperventilation) or something and even then I would have to take in account other variables it's just too much and not convenient whatsoever. Literally came up with it because I didn't feel like walking in the dark for 10th time and I heard somebody was successful with that method but they were found so it was a consideration.

 

[Justnotme]

I believe "god" or the higher power is a omnipresent being it's not just a man or a woman or a certain energy it is everything it is the creator which lies in all things, including us. I don't see the afterlife as just one place we go to, I believe when we die there are many layers and levels to go in nothing is stagnant and absolute it's infinite just like this place is in a way but on different laws of operation. I don't believe that me choosing to go at this point of time is apart of the plan whatsoever because of it truly were then I would've died already but it just simply isn't I take this as me succumbing to the part of me that is limiting my growth but one of which I will recognize we I depart also (I also believe in reincarnation to an extent). I don't blame my current state on the most high whatsoever, all of my suffering was self inflicted(to an extent) because I kept choosing things that will keep me entrapped instead of recognizing so I really don't believe I was "put into this position".
I had other paths I could've went down and I still do it's all up to me at this point as it always has been.
The way I view it is when we are born and clothed with flesh that ties us to this world it is already a immediate battle between flesh and spirit we are born into duality until we decide to take control and shape our reality which is eliminating duality but to do so yes we must go through hardships that's inevitable and things are not fair as they will never be in this world because we are battling with ourselves more so then anything else. Basically overcome yourself overcome your flesh so you will be more prepared to move into higher realms of being in a way. I'm trying to say this is the least egotistical way as possible. It's very hard to convey these my ideology without rambling so I apologize.

No, I don't believe it will give the true soul fulfillment that I need, because I think that comes with overcoming you flesh while you are here to take on a new journey which is extremely difficult and why most reincarnate. I think it would give me more clarity to reassess and try again in this hellish existence if I am being honest. I see how my choices have lead me down a path of me losing my sense of self I can't put this into words but my inner part of me doesn't like how this is going because it doesn't align with my spirit at or the purpose it sought to achieve while being down here( which I am completely unconsciously aware of) I'm very young so I am not sure if what I seek is achievable once you reach this state. But hey I guess Ill see when I leave. And I totally agree with you that "it doesn't mean we can go long without whatever we are missing" I believe that is the lack of spirit connection within us (which is us and the energy that is most attached to our "higher power" before we are clothed) and why loose ourselves because we identify with the flesh part (much easier to do) that causes us latch on to things that need more and more of whatever it may be because subconsciously we know what is we need to actually be fulfilled and the steps to do (kinda) but if that connection isn't strong by constantly ignoring it and choosing the latter that result in diminishment it will only get quieter and quieter making it harder to actually choose ourselves. So it becomes an endless cycle of chasing flesh to feed fleshly desires and many become infactuated with ideals and succumb to the thought that of duality and you can't have everything (which is true in a sense but not it's recognizing what is the everything that you want in why). Sorry if I'm loosing you I told you it's very complex for me to explain .

Yes that is exactly what I'm saying like I learned to completely separate from myself in any situation that called for too much emotion. I'm pretty sure that is from sexual abuse at such a young age because the feelings that come with that are deeply complex for any toddler to comprehend. It is genuinely scary to me because I obviously feel emotions of course but my brain doesn't want to recognize it. it's weird unless it's fake of disingenuous but even the "fake emotions" have underlining real emotions attached to it. This or it is very over the top and overwhelming for me to the point I will shut off before I can even register it.

Basically no balance it is either all or nothing and until recently I didn't realize how weird it was that I didn't know how to respond to emotions. I mean I've been told my whole life that "emotionally detached" by parents and friends ect just overall a terrible individual by my sister, but I have to force myself at times to feel these things when others don't. It's not like I don't feel them initially it's just my brain has found a way to minimize them immensely and it's kinda like a auto pilot thing. I find it extremely annoying because I do feel sadness, empathy, sympathy, all of which have negativity intertwined within it because my brain is comfortable with those emotions it's used to it and recognizes but even that is too an extent like I can't do it fully ( I remember a few years back that I would have to force myself to cry whenever I felt deep despair only being able to do so by making up a fake scenario in my mind) I could never cry over what I was actually sad about. I rarely feel positive emotions that are fabricated neither. I know I sound like a robot but it is true. All of this which hindered my personality growth because I believe emotional intelligence is connected to all things including finding one's self.

Well for starters I don't live by an ocean so it isn't really an option for me I mean I could find one but the logistics of where doesn't matter to me I just want to die now and soon. Fuck reprises I'm not trying to water board myself I plan to go under inhale and not come back up since I already don't know how to swim. But yes I agree with the lake there is much time to go back, but that's the thing I visited the lake on multiple occasions with the intention to cbt, that is why I even found the lake to begin with after my last failed attempt with food. So with me constantly walking that 3hr walk in the middle of dark which I am not too fond of just to fail is a feeling I don't like. I'm am deeply depressed it takes alot of energy for me to the most simple things like eat or get out of the bed recently so I have no intention of hesitating and going back if the conditions are perfect unlike before when I visited.

I've also ruled out the bathtub method for numerous reasons 1) it's dramatic for my family which isn't necessary and doesn't align with my goals 2) 50% chance of fail even if I do become unconscious which causes more drama 3) way to much energy I would have to go in there with a method (hyperventilation) or something and even then I would have to take in account other variables it's just too much and not convenient whatsoever. Literally came up with it because I didn't feel like walking in the dark for 10th time and I heard somebody was successful with that method but they were found so it was a consideration.

Hi. Can I talk to you about the method of drowning?
I can only consider the method of insulation in the bathroom... I can hang my legs over the side so that my head and chest are on the bottom, and I can also put on a weight vest.

I wanted to ask: were you planning to use alcohol and benzodiazepine pills or sleeping pills to achieve unconsciousness and then drown...?

 

[nadia225]

Hi. Can I talk to you about the method of drowning?
I can only consider the method of insulation in the bathroom... I can hang my legs over the side so that my head and chest are on the bottom, and I can also put on a weight vest.

If you have High SI I believe that plan really won't do you justice, unless you are absolutely sure than you can subdue that instinct mentally and also physically such as constraining yourself in some way where it makes it nearly impossible to lift your head above water, not sure if a weighted vest would do the job but you know yourself best. There is a method called shallow water blackout which you might find interest in if that can help you in anyway.https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/shallow-water-blackout.4315/
I am a little hesitant on using any sedatives during that process (bathtub method) to an extreme amount only if it would guarantee a knock out because it might cause delirium to some extent, if you over do it which may cause you to steer away from the initial plan or make it harder to focus on the getting the will power to handle the pain for a short amount of time.(only saying this because I only have diphenhydramine as a sedative). But if you have access to a medication you know can subdue you (knock you out cold) and you are sure of such then by all means take it because it will be helpful but I must say it has to be strong because again once you hit the water it can awake you from your unconscious state which can trigger SI if you aren't completely ready.

I wanted to ask: were you planning to use alcohol and benzodiazepine pills or sleeping pills to achieve unconsciousness and then drown...?

Since I've chosen the lake method I will be taking sleeping pills with me (diphenhydramine) just to make my body a little less mobile and unaware I jump in the lake I don't intend that will make me unconscious which I honestly could care less about. I can't swim so I am not really worried about it failing or SI kicking in because I can take the pain and submit to what is to come in a peaceful manner since I drowned before in chlorine water, so I know what to expect when it comes to pain and panic when drowning.

 

[Justnotme]

Thank you very much for such an answer ...
tell me, please, when you were drowning before, did you have cramps, spasms? Does the infusion of water into the lungs feel like boiling water has been poured into the lungs?

Well... I'll have to experiment with an overdose of pills and a bath to know for sure that after losing consciousness, water will not bring me back to consciousness...

Anyway, do you think even if the pills knock me out and the water still brings me back to consciousness, then I'll just survive and that's it? Yes, I'll choke for a few seconds until I get out of the tub and clear my throat, but then I'll just breathe and that's it, right? What do you think?

If you have High SI I believe that plan really won't do you justice, unless you are absolutely sure than you can subdue that instinct mentally and also physically such as constraining yourself in some way where it makes it nearly impossible to lift your head above water, not sure if a weighted vest would do the job but you know yourself best. There is a method called shallow water blackout which you might find interest in if that can help you in anyway.https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/shallow-water-blackout.4315/
I am a little hesitant on using any sedatives during that process (bathtub method) to an extreme amount only if it would guarantee a knock out because it might cause delirium to some extent, if you over do it which may cause you to steer away from the initial plan or make it harder to focus on the getting the will power to handle the pain for a short amount of time.(only saying this because I only have diphenhydramine as a sedative). But if you have access to a medication you know can subdue you (knock you out cold) and you are sure of such then by all means take it because it will be helpful but I must say it has to be strong because again once you hit the water it can awake you from your unconscious state which can trigger SI if you aren't completely ready.


Since I've chosen the lake method I will be taking sleeping pills with me (diphenhydramine) just to make my body a little less mobile and unaware I jump in the lake I don't intend that will make me unconscious which I honestly could care less about. I can't swim so I am not really worried about it failing or SI kicking in because I can take the pain and submit to what is to come in a peaceful manner since I drowned before in chlorine water, so I know what to expect when it comes to pain and panic when drowning.

 

[nadia225]

Thank you very much for such an answer ...
tell me, please, when you were drowning before, did you have cramps, spasms? Does the infusion of water into the lungs feel like boiling water has been poured into the lungs?

I believe it may be different for everybody depending psychologically how you were being put into that position and what water you were in. So when I drowned it wasn't intentional and it was in freshwater/ chlorine water which is one of the worst waters to drown in apparently but idk. I can say I was fighting for my life just trying to keep my head above water and from sinking inhaling the water wasn't exactly pleasant but it wasn't super painful just very overwhelming when you are trying to breath. I can say I didn't experience cramping I just got tired of trying to keep my head above water and let myself sink and inhale the water at that point everything became extremely peaceful as I was sinking to the bottom I don't remember experiencing any great pain until I was saved and I had to cough the water up, that hurt like hell and my lungs were on fire. Again that was my experience and I did research and many people if not most experienced the same thing. I do conclude spams with occur after you fall completely unconscious though for a very short while because your body and brain is still alive for a short period of time. But if you expecting it to be pleasant it is not so I can fathom that takes a lot of people by surprise because depleting your body of essential air when it is craving is not the best. But I can say if you are prepared for a little unpleasantness for a while and not trying to hold your breath as I feel like list people do it goes by wayy faster. I don't believe I was even holding my breathe in my drowning experience it was completely just gasping for breaths so I think that's why my experience was the way it was if you ask me. There was another person on quora named "Rebecca black" https://www.quora.com/Is-drowning-one-of-the-best-ways-to-die-How-should-I-die
Who briefly detailed their experience with drowning in the bath and in their pool and it seems like they did a similar thing and just inhaled the water and took the pain for a little while. Because I can tell you to become unconscious underwater when you are drowning doesn't take long, mine max was probably three minutes and most of that was because I was trying to not drown so I imagine if I would just succumb earlier the time would have decreased immensely. It's really hypoxia that's knocks you out after that your good then 10 minutes later your gone for sure if you plan to not be found on that amount of time bc 6-7 minutes your brain cells start dying from the lack of oxygen if you are found in that time before it completes it could be detrimental.

Anyway, do you think even if the pills knock me out and the water still brings me back to consciousness, then I'll just survive and that's it? Yes, I'll choke for a few seconds until I get out of the tub and clear my throat, but then I'll just breathe and that's it, right? What do you think?

Well considering people who are severely ill like extreme pneumonia or food poisoning ect something that fatigues your body pass and and die in literal showers then I doubt it if you get the right sedative to knock you out cold like completely. Even drunk people drown in bathtubs but even then since they are not conscious their body fights it but if you ensure there is no way for you to fight it unconsciously then it doesn't matter you will drown and you really won't be in the right mind to register what's going on as something extremely painful. But as in regards to you testing it I would definitely say do a test run so you can get a good gist of what you will need to experience and if you get trapped and you end up drown during the test run then hey that's your answer too successfully mission. With drowning it's all about preparing your mind and accepting death that's all.

 

[oliviadenoncourt@gm]

believe "god" or the higher power is a omnipresent being it's not just a man or a woman or a certain energy it is everything it is the creator which lies in all things, including us. I don't see the afterlife as just one place we go to, I believe when we die there are many layers and levels to go in nothing is stagnant and absolute it's infinite just like this place is in a way but on different laws of operation. I don't believe that me choosing to go at this point of time is apart of the plan whatsoever because of it truly were then I would've died already but it just simply isn't I take this as me succumbing to the part of me that is limiting my growth but one of which I will recognize we I depart also (I also believe in reincarnation to an extent). I don't blame my current state on the most high whatsoever, all of my suffering was self inflicted(to an extent) because I kept choosing things that will keep me entrapped instead of recognizing so I really don't believe I was "put into this position".

Thank you for clearing all of this up for me. I do not need any further explanation. I now know that there is not much I can do and it might be disrespectful to say but, I hope you rethink your decision. I hope you stay and I would like to keep checking in on you even if you hate the idea.

 

[brainstuckhellp]

need advice but here is the dilemma.
I would like to drown in the lake nearby my house but I would have to walk 3hrs there in order to do in the dark, because I need to reduce the chance of somebody being able to save me once I go in(the lake is located in a park next to a college and there is a fishing access that is connected which people always frequent). That being said it takes a lot of energy and time to walk there and too many variables of it going wrong by somebody being there since that has happened on multiple occasions when I tried to visit the lake to drown).
So I thought of the bathtub method but the only thing is my family is in the house and there is always a chance of somebody finding me in the process of this happening(somebody going to the bathroom in the middle of the night) As I could end up with brain damage because they are going to try to save me. Also with the bathtub method I'm not really sure how to go about that because my bathtub isn't really that big(have to bend my legs to submerge under water) and im hesitant on SI kicking in and making too much noise to alert my family, since I would have to do it at night when the house is extremely quite.
Any advice is helpful since I really want to exit and I don't want to fuck it up this time.

You still there?

 

[stepz]

But I can say if you are prepared for a little unpleasantness for a while and not trying to hold your breath as I feel like list people do it goes by wayy faster. I don't

Planning to ctb by drowning in river, wondered if hyperventilating before submerging and inhaling water would also make it quicker to lose consciousness

 

[oliviadenoncourt@gm]

You still there?

I think they have left us.

 

[kevinj430]

need advice but here is the dilemma.
I would like to drown in the lake nearby my house but I would have to walk 3hrs there in order to do in the dark, because I need to reduce the chance of somebody being able to save me once I go in(the lake is located in a park next to a college and there is a fishing access that is connected which people always frequent). That being said it takes a lot of energy and time to walk there and too many variables of it going wrong by somebody being there since that has happened on multiple occasions when I tried to visit the lake to drown).
So I thought of the bathtub method but the only thing is my family is in the house and there is always a chance of somebody finding me in the process of this happening(somebody going to the bathroom in the middle of the night) As I could end up with brain damage because they are going to try to save me. Also with the bathtub method I'm not really sure how to go about that because my bathtub isn't really that big(have to bend my legs to submerge under water) and im hesitant on SI kicking in and making too much noise to alert my family, since I would have to do it at night when the house is extremely quite.
Any advice is helpful since I really want to exit and I don't want to fuck it up this tim

need advice but here is the dilemma.
I would like to drown in the lake nearby my house but I would have to walk 3hrs there in order to do in the dark, because I need to reduce the chance of somebody being able to save me once I go in(the lake is located in a park next to a college and there is a fishing access that is connected which people always frequent). That being said it takes a lot of energy and time to walk there and too many variables of it going wrong by somebody being there since that has happened on multiple occasions when I tried to visit the lake to drown).
So I thought of the bathtub method but the only thing is my family is in the house and there is always a chance of somebody finding me in the process of this happening(somebody going to the bathroom in the middle of the night) As I could end up with brain damage because they are going to try to save me. Also with the bathtub method I'm not really sure how to go about that because my bathtub isn't really that big(have to bend my legs to submerge under water) and im hesitant on SI kicking in and making too much noise to alert my family, since I would have to do it at night when the house is extremely quite.
Any advice is helpful since I really want to exit and I don't want to fuck it up this time.

Drowning is a painful way, not recommended at all in the peaceful pill handbook, and you would need something to way you down. Someone did it around where I live by going out into a secluded lake in a canoe and tied cinder block to their foot and jumped in the lake. Not recommended