No you are not a weirdo at all. I am what they call pro-life, yes. I have mixed feelings about this website. I believe there is beauty in life, even though there is not much for me or anyone on this website.
I wish to better my life. Recover from my injury. Salvage relationships with the ones I love and whom I've hurt. You lose so much over time, I remember someone in here said. I pray at night, even though deep down I am prepared for the fact that no one is coming to save me.
Thank you for your questions. Do you ever let yourself dream?
Thanks for replying
Yes, I've ever dreamed a lot, and luckily some of them have come true.
I see beauty in life too when I'm in good mental state, but I understand there are people who never do.
I think half of life is about overcoming obstacles with your conscious effort, and the other is experiencing your outer/inner world.
I think I'm very bad at overcoming barriers, but at the same time I feel I'm the luckiest person on earth, even though I wanted to die (but not actively suicidal) for most of my 36-year life, because I'm blessed with sheer luck and had a lot of great experiences.
Sometimes I have no motivation to better myself/my life. This state of mind is terrible - I believe things will never get better again because sloth is a sin and I will face consequences for sure. I've been able to survive because of so many things and blessings God has given me, so if all of them were taken away, I would lose everything and die on the street.
In my case, I think no one will try to "save" me, too, but some people could be extremely helpful.
Currently I'm in very good state, thanks to an amazing person I met IRL recently (it's not a romantic relationship.) I know this state won't last forever, but it's a blessing anyway.
I hope you will recover and live your life to the fullest