Tegan_sky
losing hope
- Aug 16, 2019
- 102
in my depression and overwhelm with having so much going on for over a year now, I take a nap just about every day. I dreamed today that I was able to go to some clinic or something, and just tell them I wanted to die and they gave me something readily, to make me die peacefully, going to sleep peacefully and never waking up. Then in the dream, once I had the death drugs in me, I could feel myself light headed and more and more sleepy, knowing I would die. I partly had second thoughts about it during this process, wondering if I didn't really want to die after all. But I was also at great peace with it if I did die. it felt overall, like a very peaceful and positive dream.
I'm officially 60 now, about January of this year I was looking through a very old worn out jewelry box I have had since I was in high school. There are so many things still in that jewelry box, dating back to the mid-1970's, that I found...and seeing them I thought "I've lived a long time." And I have. Such a long life starting with severe abuse from early childhood, and a whole life of mental health problems, severe depression among them. no wonder I'm so tired at my age. 60 years is a long time to deal with all that. But I just am hanging out right now, laying low, taking naps, staying in bed all day as comfort, if that's what feels right.
Right now I don't have suicidal ideation which is why I am posting this in the recovery forum. I am truly grateful for this website and hope it stays online for a long time to come.
I'm officially 60 now, about January of this year I was looking through a very old worn out jewelry box I have had since I was in high school. There are so many things still in that jewelry box, dating back to the mid-1970's, that I found...and seeing them I thought "I've lived a long time." And I have. Such a long life starting with severe abuse from early childhood, and a whole life of mental health problems, severe depression among them. no wonder I'm so tired at my age. 60 years is a long time to deal with all that. But I just am hanging out right now, laying low, taking naps, staying in bed all day as comfort, if that's what feels right.
Right now I don't have suicidal ideation which is why I am posting this in the recovery forum. I am truly grateful for this website and hope it stays online for a long time to come.
