Venting Double standards

[MeltingHeart]

Be cruel and neglectful to e my whole life, later in life despite my best efforts- I cant find peace and want to ctb, when they find this out - shout, emotionally abuse , and attack everything about my entire character (as always) for wanting to do so, take away by SN- continue to attack and shout at me-never let me speak or express myself- tell me how selfish I am over and over again - which I just about manage to say (when i can get a word in) that is part of the reason I want to ctb- so no one will have to deal with me anymore!! attack me for having SN as I have endangered other people-also how awful it would be for someone to find me like that-and that I would ruin their lives (im sure they would get over it) -and I would go somewhere to minimise amount of people that would find me-and no children etc. So then it is recommended to me I could atleast go to a remote cottage to do something or go into the sea- so it might not look like suicide- so then I say that could be a possibilty-but am then told they would stop me / call the police and have me sectioned if i try and leave to do that. Continue to attack everything about myself, call me selfish over and over and state the disruption I am causing to their lives - When it could have all been solved - I could have been gone by now!! why I they forcing me to stay alive. for what? for who? Who is the selfish one?

Be cruel and neglectful to e my whole life, later in life despite my best efforts- I cant find peace and want to ctb, when they find this out - shout, emotionally abuse , and attack everything about my entire character (as always) for wanting to do so, take away by SN- continue to attack and shout at me-never let me speak or express myself- tell me how selfish I am over and over again - which I just about manage to say (when i can get a word in) that is part of the reason I want to ctb- so no one will have to deal with me anymore!! attack me for having SN as I have endangered other people-also how awful it would be for someone to find me like that-and that I would ruin their lives (im sure they would get over it) -and I would go somewhere to minimise amount of people that would find me-and no children etc. So then it is recommended to me I could atleast go to a remote cottage to do something or go into the sea- so it might not look like suicide- so then I say that could be a possibilty-but I am then told they would stop me / call the police and have me sectioned if i try and leave to do that. Continue to attack everything about myself, call me selfish over and over and state the disruption I am causing to their lives - When it could have all been solved - I could have been gone by now!! why I they forcing me to stay alive. for what? for who? Who is the selfish one? Phew - god that was long! A proper vent!!

 

[BPD_LE]

I wish when I clicked my ruby slippers 3 times I would be gone forever.

 

[MeltingHeart]

That would be so good wouldn't it !