Double life

[Brokenwithbpd]

Does anyone else feel like they are living a double life while on here but trying to act normal in real life

 

[Donk]

i can't even act normal in real life

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

Yes. Yes i do. I like this life here more, even if its just alot of words

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

Yes. Yes i do. I like this life here more, even if its just alot of words

Me too, I always find myself thinking about this site when I'm not on it. Hell im on it right now and my husband has a friend over

i can't even act normal in real life

I have had my years where I couldn't be normal. I'll never be normal. It's hard to blend in when I have scars all over and get asked about them constantly

 

[SSlostallhope]

Can't act normal. I'm very socially awkward

 

[4eyebiped]

I am in an odd situation. I can be completely honest about myself, my thoughts and my opinions but people around me assume I am joking, being sarcastic or mean something else by what I said. It is like a dark comedy. So in an oddball way, I live a double life without trying to.

 

[MorticiasHair]

no. i've always been unconventional.

 

[TAW122]

I try to, not because I like to, but because I have to out of necessity and to protect myself from being locked up or intervened against. There are even times where sometimes my behavior reeks of depression and suicidality as much as I try to hide it. I'm still doing my best to keep things quiet and under the covers IRL because I cannot risk anything to ruin my CTB plans.

 

[Beautiful Angel]

i can't even act normal in real life

Does everyone make you feel like it's you

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

I am in an odd situation. I can be completely honest about myself, my thoughts and my opinions but people around me assume I am joking, being sarcastic or mean something else by what I said. It is like a dark comedy. So in an oddball way, I live a double life without trying to.

I get that. People always say how "bubbly" I am then I wear short sleeves and they always ask about my scars

I try to, not because I like to, but because I have to out of necessity and to protect myself from being locked up or intervened against. There are even times where sometimes my behavior reeks of depression and suicidality as much as I try to hide it. I'm still doing my best to keep things quiet and under the covers IRL because I cannot risk anything to ruin my CTB plans.

I'm in a similar boat. Few weeks ago I was forced to go to emergency room but of course I knew all the right answers to say

 

[Mr.Mediocre]

On the surface it appears to people (my family) as if I am extremely apathetic, staring into the distance with a totally blank, emotionless face. But underneath the amount of emotions I feel is like dynamite just waiting to explode, the entire day they build until I lay on my bed at night, where I become overwhelmed with pretty much every negative emotion there is.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I dont think I try to act normal. I am so desensitized that I openly look up ways to commit suicide on my daily commutes and walks. A person could be staring at my phone and I wouldn't give a fuck

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

On the surface it appears to people (my family) as if I am extremely apathetic, staring into the distance with a totally blank, emotionless face. But underneath the amount of emotions I feel is like dynamite just waiting to explode, the entire day they build until I lay on my bed at night, where I become overwhelmed with pretty much every negative emotion there is.

I space out and dissociate often

 

[TowerUpright]

I hold it together IRL mostly well. I'm usually just written off as being a bit odd. But here, I can actually be myself, confide in others, and feel like I don't have to pretend.

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

I hold it together IRL mostly well. I'm usually just written off as being a bit odd. But here, I can actually be myself, confide in others, and feel like I don't have to pretend.

Yes I agree. This place feels like home

 

[Close_to_freedom]

SS is SecondLife.

 

[the box is empty]

Yeah. When I'm out with friends or at work I'm generally different.

A friend of mine asked me what my home life is like and I bluntly replied "I go home and stare at the wall."

 

[Helpneedtips]

Yes, in fact, even my family and friends do not know of my mental health struggles and that I am suicidal. It's a combination of me being a very private person who doesn't share her emotions much, and a bit of pride I guess because my parents see me as the "child who has her shit together" . My mother once told me that she never worried about me because I can take "take care of myself". I suppose it's meant to be a compliment, but I do admit being hurt from said admission.

When I ctb, my family and friends will probably say, "Oh, we had no idea...", "It came as a shock..." i suppose I partly have myself to blame.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I wear many masks. Normal, father, son, ex-husband, failure, suicidal, etc.

 

[Bct]

Yeah, I think it's normal to have some faces depending on people you face. Sadly, most of us can't put our suicidal faces because people tend to react negatively.

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

Yes, in fact, even my family and friends do not know of my mental health struggles and that I am suicidal. It's a combination of me being a very private person who doesn't share her emotions much, and a bit of pride I guess because my parents see me as the "child who has her shit together" . My mother once told me that she never worried about me because I can take "take care of myself". I suppose it's meant to be a compliment, but I do admit being hurt from said admission.

When I ctb, my family and friends will probably say, "Oh, we had no idea...", "It came as a shock..." i suppose I partly have myself to blame.

I'm sorry you feel like you can't reach for help. We're here xoxo

I wear many masks. Normal, father, son, ex-husband, failure, suicidal, etc.

Well put friend

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I feel like I'm a bunch of different people trying to control one brain tbh

 

[Isadeth]

Absolutely. There's a multitude of different types of myself. Friend, wife, mother, daughter, neighbor, professional. The list goes on. Very few people actually know the real me. Sometimes I question if I even know the real me anymore. I'm not sure if it would be considered a maladaptive coping mechanism or not, but it gets me by most days. ♡