Venting Doomed from the start.

[Ybother]

Hello.
I'm a 26 year old woman with the mentality of an 8 year-old. I never quite grew up. I have no career or any life skills. I don't have many redeemable qualities. NO work ethic, no social skills, I'm unlikable and I'm not even good looking to make up for it. I have ruined myself for everyone around me. I just applied for a job that I don't even want and I'm probably gonna screw that up too, because I'm an idiot. I apologize for constantly talkin about myself. I'm already a really selfish person. Sorry I'm just venting. I feel sorry for a lot of people I know who have to deal with me and my issues. Me and my ups and downs so many times in a day? I feel sorry for the people in my life. It must be hard to constantly put on kid gloves and walk on eggshells around someone love. I'm not easy to love I'm only happy when I'm high on a substance.
I'm just getting my thoughts out. Not sure what to say...kinda riding in the bipolar Rollercoaster. I wish I was stronger with a softer heart. My choice to isolate myself has made me look at people in a different way. I can't grow up. I know my 26th birthday is next month and life is passing me by. Idk anymore. Please help me.

 

[pole]

i'm sorry to hear about what your going through.

it really really sucks to struggle with loving yourself. you just feel sorry for others and feel like your a burden to everyone your around. your always place blame on yourself when things go wrong. it just destroys you slowly till you just dont want anything to do with yourself and eventually feel the need to just get rid of yourself permanently.

and being this way, you become extremely apologetic. its okay for you to feel the way you do and you aren't a burden or hard to love. you've been through unbearable pain that YOU only know about, and i can't imagine or say i feel your pain cause i dont and i dont wanna assume that i do. dont apologize for venting, it definitely helps. it seems you've suppressed how you feel for a long time and you have so much to say. you aren't a selfish person. you continue to go through ALOT and you should never feel like your alone in this. i hope being apart of this community can show that you aren't alone and that it gives you the opportunity to speak with others who are also in the same position as you. even though were all completely different people that have gone through completely different things in life and continue to go through things, we all feel the same emotions.

let it out. we have a chatroom as well, where you can drop by and chat with members. https://sanctioned-suicide.net/chat/

i hope you find peace in this life and find support systems that help in giving you the love you struggle to give yourself. sometimes we can't do it alone, i certainly cant, and i hope you find great support systems that want to be there for you, each step of the way.

take care.

 

[Painless_end]

Don't beat yourself up. I am 31 and I feel like that a lot. I don't have a work ethic for any profession because my mind cannot grasp onto any idea for as long as "normal" people do. Nor do I feel interested in any career path that can help me make progress in life.

My subconscious path in life so far is internal feelings driven. It will never change because my mind has never really "grown up" in the true sense of the word. Yes I completed college and actually worked two full time jobs for a total of 6 years in my life so far. But I always had to take junior level positions because I knew I wasn't cut out for handling senior level responsibilities.

My life has been lots of ups and downs. My latest suicidal episode was from Feb to June of this year.

I am basically what my mother calls a person who only "inhales and exhales" for surviving. Even that is because it is an involuntary part of our bodies from the moment we are born.

I too wish desperately to CTB to avoid the complete disgrace and difficulty of life that I cannot cope with. I literally can't. It's not a matter of "positive thinking" or "willpower" or "determination".

I just survive from one day to next with an empty mind trying to avoid being criticized by my parents with whom I still live.

I wish I was dead, but I also don't know how.

 

[I screwed up]

Don't beat yourself up. I am 31 and I feel like that a lot. I don't have a work ethic for any profession because my mind cannot grasp onto any idea for as long as "normal" people do. Nor do I feel interested in any career path that can help me make progress in life.

My subconscious path in life so far is internal feelings driven. It will never change because my mind has never really "grown up" in the true sense of the word. Yes I completed college and actually worked two full time jobs for a total of 6 years in my life so far. But I always had to take junior level positions because I knew I wasn't cut out for handling senior level responsibilities.

My life has been lots of ups and downs. My latest suicidal episode was from Feb to June of this year.

I am basically what my mother calls a person who only "inhales and exhales" for surviving. Even that is because it is an involuntary part of our bodies from the moment we are born.

I too wish desperately to CTB to avoid the complete disgrace and difficulty of life that I cannot cope with. I literally can't. It's not a matter of "positive thinking" or "willpower" or "determination".

I just survive from one day to next with an empty mind trying to avoid being criticized by my parents with whom I still live.

I wish I was dead, but I also don't know how.

.
Although I am a older but most of what u have written is applicable in my case as well ... I m just surviving and drifting thru life aimlessly waiting to ctb ...