Venting Don't you just love pro lifers?

[Squiddy]

So I was feeling in the mood to ctb the other day and I poured my heart out to my grandma about how I was feeling and of course, she told my mom and my mom got upset (I don't remember the whole conversation fuck you short term memory), but I told her that would be the last time I tell her about my thoughts and she got mad and said I have no right to be mad because she bought me my car. I have every right to be fucking mad because she should've kept it to herself. Than my mom asked me if my goal was to go back to the psych ward and I said no (why would I?) Then she said some pro lifer shit about suicide that irked me (again fuck you short term memory). Gotta love pro lifers.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

Well, she loves you and wants to see you alive and happy. It is never a good idea to talk about being suicidal with others IRL, unless it is a cry for help. Nobody in my surroundings knows I am suicidal and I do not want them to know.

 

[Emily_Numb]

How does one 'feel in the mood to CTB'. You say it like you 'fancy some chocolate' or something trivial.

If you wanted to CTB surely you wouldn't have spoken to your Grandma about it. CTB isn't like adding a bit of seasoning to your food, it's the end.

Maybe I'm reading into this wrong but it feels like you didn't want to CTB but you wanted some support and help which is why you reached out to them.

 

[Life_and_Death]

How does one 'feel in the mood to CTB'. You say it like you 'fancy some chocolate' or something trivial.

If you wanted to CTB surely you wouldn't have spoken to your Grandma about it. CTB isn't like adding a bit of seasoning to your food, it's the end.

Maybe I'm reading into this wrong but it feels like you didn't want to CTB but you wanted some support and help which is why you reached out to them.

i cant speak for them personally but i know i have to be in the mood to ctb. but thats because i have a personality disorder i think so i dont always want to die. but i do want this pain to stop. the days that its too much for me i guess would be the "mood"

 

[Squiddy]

Well, she loves you and wants to see you alive and happy. It is never a good idea to talk about being suicidal with others IRL, unless it is a cry for help. Nobody in my surroundings knows I am suicidal and I do not want them to know.

Yeah I probably should've kept my mouth shut, but at the same time, I can be conflicted between wanting to ctb and wanting to live and being afraid of a potential hell

How does one 'feel in the mood to CTB'. You say it like you 'fancy some chocolate' or something trivial.

If you wanted to CTB surely you wouldn't have spoken to your Grandma about it. CTB isn't like adding a bit of seasoning to your food, it's the end.

Maybe I'm reading into this wrong but it feels like you didn't want to CTB but you wanted some support and help which is why you reached out to them.

I want to ctb because of my pain, but at the same time am conflicted because I'm afraid of a potential hell

i cant speak for them personally but i know i have to be in the mood to ctb. but thats because i have a personality disorder i think so i dont always want to die. but i do want this pain to stop. the days that its too much for me i guess would be the "mood"

Yeah I also have a personality disorder (BPD) and I want the pain to stop

 

[Life_and_Death]

Yeah I also have a personality disorder (BPD) and I want the pain to stop

i thought so but i couldnt remember for sure which is why i only spoke for myself and if you wanted to agree you could or give your take on it

 

[Emily_Numb]

Yeah I probably should've kept my mouth shut, but at the same time, I can be conflicted between wanting to ctb and wanting to live and being afraid of a potential hell


I want to ctb because of my pain, but at the same time am conflicted because I'm afraid of a potential hell


Yeah I also have a personality disorder (BPD) and I want the pain to stop

I have BPD. I understand. But the fear of potential hell stops you? To be at the point to CTB, Earth will already BE hell so wherever you go won't matter.

Even though it gets heated, still keep talking to people about when you feel suicidal. It's when you stop doing that it gets dangerous.

I love that you have a grandma you can open up to like that. You are so fortunate to have that sort of relationship in your life.

 

[Squiddy]

I have BPD. I understand. But the fear of potential hell stops you? To be at the point to CTB, Earth will already BE hell so wherever you go won't matter.

Even though it gets heated, still keep talking to people about when you feel suicidal. It's when you stop doing that it gets dangerous.

I love that you have a grandma you can open up to like that. You are so fortunate to have that sort of relationship in your life.

I heard a story somewhere where one person kept talking about ctb and people didn't believe them and they eventually did it.

I still love my grandma, but it's just annoying that she told her.

 

[BipolarGuy]

So I was feeling in the mood to ctb the other day and I poured my heart out to my grandma about how I was feeling and of course, she told my mom and my mom got upset (I don't remember the whole conversation fuck you short term memory), but I told her that would be the last time I tell her about my thoughts and she got mad and said I have no right to be mad because she bought me my car. I have every right to be fucking mad because she should've kept it to herself. Than my mom asked me if my goal was to go back to the psych ward and I said no (why would I?) Then she said some pro lifer shit about suicide that irked me (again fuck you short term memory). Gotta love pro lifers.

So your grandma and mum are "pro-lifers" because they don't want you to end your life?

 

[Squiddy]

So your grandma and mum are "pro-lifers" because they don't want you to end your life?

They said something else that was pro life, but I forgot (bad short term memory)

 

[Kcountdown]

I've never fully agreed with the pro-life arguments, sure someone dying may leave an effect on those that are still here, but at a young age I understood that if you don't have a right to say when your going out then you can't even claim ownership over your own life. However I don't think its a choice that should be made without a lot of forethought and weighting out your personal options. There's always that voice in my head that says things could get better and makes me feel guilty for thinking of leaving behind friends/family.

Also felt I should add that I'm not religious at all so the argument of going to hell isn't one that ever caused me fear, but I know its a major factor to a lot of people and my belief (or lack of belief) could be wrong so that's a risk I wont be able to comment on until I find out for myself.

 

[Breadbfra]

I don't know why we're still questioning people who talk about their ctb thoughts.
Wanting to vent is a legitimate feeling. I've opened up multiple times because there are exactly two things keeping me alive, even if my desire to kms is beyond universe.
Suicidology tells us that people speaking up about suicidal intention are not attention seekers or anything else, it's a normal feeling that /almost/ every suicidal person endures

 

[Squiddy]

I've never fully agreed with the pro-life arguments, sure someone dying may leave an effect on those that are still here, but at a young age I understood that if you don't have a right to say when your going out then you can't even claim ownership over your own life. However I don't think its a choice that should be made without a lot of forethought and weighting out your personal options. There's always that voice in my head that says things could get better and makes me feel guilty for thinking of leaving behind friends/family.

Also felt I should add that I'm not religious at all so the argument of going to hell isn't one that ever caused me fear, but I know its a major factor to a lot of people and my belief (or lack of belief) could be wrong so that's a risk I wont be able to comment on until I find out for myself.

Another reason I haven't ctb is because of my family and friends and that 5% chance that things could get better (I have a feeling they won't though). If all these things could disappear, then I could ctb. So for now, I just vent.

 

[Breadbfra]

Another reason I haven't ctb is because of my family and friends and that 5% chance that things could get better (I have a feeling they won't though). If all these things could disappear, then I could ctb. So for now, I just vent.

You're good, as long as you want I'll be listening as much as many people in here.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

@Squiddy I understand how you feel. It's hard when family loves us and doesn't want us to go. I talk to my mom all the time and she will never let me go but I think she knows it's inevitable if nothing improves in my life. I'm only still alive for my family and the few people in my life. I have hung on for years only for my mom really. Sending hugs.

How does one 'feel in the mood to CTB'. You say it like you 'fancy some chocolate' or something trivial.

If you wanted to CTB surely you wouldn't have spoken to your Grandma about it. CTB isn't like adding a bit of seasoning to your food, it's the end.

Maybe I'm reading into this wrong but it feels like you didn't want to CTB but you wanted some support and help which is why you reached out to them.

I can't speak for anyone else but I have a personal answer...my bpd makes my moods all over the place so I have to be in sort of a "mood" or in a frame of mind where I'm ready. I can't just feel at peace with ctb and just up and do it. I have to feel "pushed" if that makes sense? It's not impulsive I have been suicidal since I was a child. I guess for some it may seem like a cry for help but I tell my mom to help prepare her. I have been talking to her for a long time now. She will never let me go but I I think she knows now it's inevitable if nothing improves. I feel like she should know she did everything she could.

 

[Squiddy]

@Squiddy I understand how you feel. It's hard when family loves us and doesn't want us to go. I talk to my mom all the time and she will never let me go but I think she knows it's inevitable if nothing improves in my life. I'm only still alive for my family and the few people in my life. I have hung on for years only for my mom really. Sending hugs.


I can't speak for anyone else but I have a personal answer...my bpd makes my moods all over the place so I have to be in sort of a "mood" or in a frame of mind where I'm ready. I can't just feel at peace with ctb and just up and do it. I have to feel "pushed" if that makes sense? It's not impulsive I have been suicidal since I was a child. I guess for some it may seem like a cry for help but I tell my mom to help prepare her. I have been talking to her for a long time now. She will never let me go but I I think she knows now it's inevitable if nothing improves. I feel like she should know she did everything she could.

Yeah I'm trying to hang on too, but it's hard. I'm essentially trapped and can't ctb for those reasons. BPD really sucks.

 

[Lilacmoon]

BPD is the worst. have a BPD hug.

 

[Meditation guide]

I still love my grandma, but it's just annoying that she told her.

I know how you feel. She should have kept the secret you confided in her. Imagine how she must feel, knowing that.
How can she not tell your mother. It's best to not tell anyone. You put her in a bad position. She really had no choice but to tell.

 

[BridgeJumper]

I know I am not supposed to tell my relatives that Im suicidal but sometimes its so bad I cant help myself.
Not brazen enough to share any plans but I do tell them I want to fucking die. I guess I need the attenshionz

 

[Deleted member 17949]

idk what the problem is have you ever tried just meditating and being more happy??

 

[Squiddy]

I know I am not supposed to tell my relatives that Im suicidal but sometimes its so bad I cant help myself.
Not brazen enough to share any plans but I do tell them I want to fucking die. I guess I need the attenshionz

Yup. It's so annoying. The mental pain can get unbearable somedays.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I told her that would be the last time I tell her about my thoughts and she got mad and said I have no right to be mad because she bought me my car. I have every right to be fucking mad because she should've kept it to herself. Than my mom asked me if my goal was to go back to the psych ward and I said no (why would I?) Then she said some pro lifer shit about suicide that irked me

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr I'm so mad on your behalf! This bothers me so much. People who care about you should not react to your comments that way. I'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt and just assume they don't know how else to respond. But still, "you have to share everything with me because I bought you a car"?! "Think differently otherwise you'll go back to the psych ward"?! How are those helpful?!

 

[peacechoice]

Your mom is your mom. Of course she's going to want you alive. Anyways, no one in your surroundings should know about your suicidal thoughts. Try to keep those to yourself as to not harbor suspicion. It is not anyone's burden to bear, just yours.

 

[TheSomebody]

Well, she loves you and wants to see you alive and happy. It is never a good idea to talk about being suicidal with others IRL, unless it is a cry for help. Nobody in my surroundings knows I am suicidal and I do not want them to know.

agreed. I never talk about my problems to anyone in my family(and no one else), because they seem so happy with their lives that they will never understand a bag of sadness like me. They're just going to call me an idiot, say some pro life bullshit sentences and send me to a psychologist.

 

[Kbeau]

Well, she loves you and wants to see you alive and happy. It is never a good idea to talk about being suicidal with others IRL, unless it is a cry for help. Nobody in my surroundings knows I am suicidal and I do not want them to know.

Yep