S
Sadlifesuckedsobad
Everyone says help is available.Then where is it?
- Apr 25, 2022
- 1
Ordered my SN today.
It isn't life that I hate. It's the things we are forced to do to be able to live. My health is failing, and I just don't know how I'll pay the bills anymore when I can't even stand up for more than 20 minutes at a time.
I also have a large amount of guilt. I have 3 kids and am about to leave them without a parent. I wouldn't even be considering it if I thought I could give them the life they deserve. I tried to, but the more time that goes on, the more likely I see that it is I will lose the home I bought for them to grow up in, because I feel worse and worse physically the more time that goes on. I spend 18 hours a day lying in bed, and the few hours I am up, my body feels like it has been beaten all over, like I just got jumped by a group of people. Unbearable pain.
Being unable to work means unable to pay bills, which means I'm a failure and don't deserve to continue. If I could convince someone to pay my house off, I'd live with the pain. I don't want to die, and I don't want to leave my kids parent-less. But obviously no one is going to pay my house off, and my health isn't going to magically get better either so that I can work.
When my SN comes, I will let you all know. Hopefully this is my last week of loneliness, isolation, physical pain, worrying about neverending bills. The only regret I'll have is leaving my kids.
It isn't life that I hate. It's the things we are forced to do to be able to live. My health is failing, and I just don't know how I'll pay the bills anymore when I can't even stand up for more than 20 minutes at a time.
I also have a large amount of guilt. I have 3 kids and am about to leave them without a parent. I wouldn't even be considering it if I thought I could give them the life they deserve. I tried to, but the more time that goes on, the more likely I see that it is I will lose the home I bought for them to grow up in, because I feel worse and worse physically the more time that goes on. I spend 18 hours a day lying in bed, and the few hours I am up, my body feels like it has been beaten all over, like I just got jumped by a group of people. Unbearable pain.
Being unable to work means unable to pay bills, which means I'm a failure and don't deserve to continue. If I could convince someone to pay my house off, I'd live with the pain. I don't want to die, and I don't want to leave my kids parent-less. But obviously no one is going to pay my house off, and my health isn't going to magically get better either so that I can work.
When my SN comes, I will let you all know. Hopefully this is my last week of loneliness, isolation, physical pain, worrying about neverending bills. The only regret I'll have is leaving my kids.