Venting Don’t Know Who my Real Friends are Sometimes

[xXSarac3nSlay3rXx]

I don't have many friends, period. I have a couple dudes I play Xbox with and know one of them in real life. He's a genuine guy and we just smoke weed on occasion and play Xbox or pc games. I don't really ever share very personal shit with him, but we get along well.

There's a handful of people from high school that I got along with well but I don't ever really talk to them. This one girl I met in high school I would consider to be my best friend but I'm not really sure anymore. I've been way more personal with her about my mental issues but always was careful not to mention suicide outside of a joking context. As of late we, don't do much anymore. We rarely see each other in person anymore and she doesn't respond to my texts a lot of the time anymore, and will just respond back with some unrelated meme days later. Trust me, I don't spam people. If they don't respond to 1-2 messages, I shut up.

She just texted me today asking if she could have my address. I was just assuming she forgot, because I can't remember addresses for shit and I trusted her. She then told me after the fact she was giving it to a prospective "sugar daddy" she met online so she could receive a check. She said she would give me some of her weekly allowance of $500.

I told her I didn't agree to have my address given to some random fuck online. I said she could do what she wanted for money, but that she should keep me and my family out of it. She then told me that she didn't give him my "exact address," but instead the address across the street. I told her that my neighbors shouldn't be involved either. She backpedaled further and said she hadn't given him an address at all yet. For all I know, this guy has either my address or my neighbor's.

I used to trust this girl but I don't know if I do anymore. I've had legitimately good times with her in the past, but she seems to have changed. I told her that I ultimately don't care about her wanting to split the money because I have bigger concerns right now, which I do. She asked if I was feeling ok and I told her I wasn't feeling any worse than my usual. She told me I should try Vicodin. Not about to get involved with that shit either. Drugs are only a temporary reprieve for me anyway.

So I have yet to write any notes, and wondering. I'm definitely writing an in-depth note to my parents: I think they're owed some sort of closure. I'm writing a simple note to the dude I mentioned above explaining why I did it. With this best friend of mine, I'm not sure what to do anymore. I'm kind of upset with her now, but I don't want that to cloud the note.

 

[Lady black]

That´s a hard situation. i think I wouldn´t be able to trust her

 

[woxihuanni]

You're a better person than I am for caring. Just do as your gut tells you to, I guess.

 

[Centerism]

I've had some friendships in my life completely fall apart. As a matter of fact I had no friends for a very long time. I just couldn't bring myself to talk to anybody because of my anxiety. Then I would justify the situation, using my depression as a tool, by telling myself even if I did talk to somebody they would probably just brush me off.

I have found a couple friends irl. They know I have "conditions," but they don't know how severe they are. They sure as hell don't know I'm suicidal. They are nice, and I can chat with them ever now and again. It's nothing truly "healthy" though. They would be appalled at the idea of ctb.

One thing I have in my life that had brought me a sense of peace though is this site. I have found some people here that I now talk to daily that not only understand me, but the love me and accept me. That's something I've always wanted. It hasn't changed my mind about my final decision. It just gives me peace knowing I have somebody that will hold my hand all the way up until the end.

In your situation I would definitely lose that friend. She seems like she has other agendas. You don't need that in your life. There's suffering enough without the burden of someone that's not on your side. I wish only well for you though. I'm sorry about your troubles. I know the pain. Just know that I understand you. I accept you. And I love you.

 

[xXSarac3nSlay3rXx]

I've had some friendships in my life completely fall apart. As a matter of fact I had no friends for a very long time. I just couldn't bring myself to talk to anybody because of my anxiety. Then I would justify the situation, using my depression as a tool, by telling myself even if I did talk to somebody they would probably just brush me off.

I have found a couple friends irl. They know I have "conditions," but they don't know how severe they are. They sure as hell don't know I'm suicidal. They are nice, and I can chat with them ever now and again. It's nothing truly "healthy" though. They would be appalled at the idea of ctb.

One thing I have in my life that had brought me a sense of peace though is this site. I have found some people here that I now talk to daily that not only understand me, but the love me and accept me. That's something I've always wanted. It hasn't changed my mind about my final decision. It just gives me peace knowing I have somebody that will hold my hand all the way up until the end.

In your situation I would definitely lose that friend. She seems like she has other agendas. You don't need that in your life. There's suffering enough without the burden of someone that's not on your side. I wish only well for you though. I'm sorry about your troubles. I know the pain. Just know that I understand you. I accept you. And I love you.

Thanks, for your input. I'm just of two minds on this because this side of her has only come out recently. She was genuinely my best friend in the past, or at least it seemed that way. It's good to know that we can all empathize with each other here. Feel free to pm me if you want.

 

[Darkhaven]

Eh, at least you can still wonder about who are the real ones and the fake ones.
I don't have a single friend. The only person i have a close relationship is my mother and 70% of the time we are arguing and fighting.
I probably never had a friend. Maybe in my first 6 school years i had 2 or 3, but after that i just stopped being able to fit in and just fell in with the nerds and outcasts that the others found ugly and boring.
My days are passed inside my bedrrom and the only distance i travel are the short meters to reach the bathroom and the kitchen.
Fuck my Life.

 

[xXSarac3nSlay3rXx]

Eh, at least you can still wonder about who are the real ones and the fake ones.
I don't have a single friend. The only person i have a close relationship is my mother and 70% of the time we are arguing and fighting.
I probably never had a friend. Maybe in my first 6 school years i had 2 or 3, but after that i just stopped being able to fit in and just fell in with the nerds and outcasts that the others found ugly and boring.
My days are passed inside my bedrrom and the only distance i travel are the short meters to reach the bathroom and the kitchen.
Fuck my Life.

Yeah, I know a lot of people have it worse than I do. My situation is kind of the opposite of yours: I made all my friends in the later years of my schooling. I have to try though. No one tries to be my friend. At the college I attend, people want fuck all to do with me. I try to talk to people but it sometimes feels pointless. I'm definitely one of those outcasts you mentioned. I don't think I'm any more boring than other people, but I'm definitely ugly. Maybe that's why people don't want to associate with me. I wouldn't blame them, I can be superficial myself at times. I do interact with people, but spend a great deal of time on my own. I'm sorry about your situation. I think this is something that many of us here can empathize with.

 

[Dreamcolleger]

Eh, at least you can still wonder about who are the real ones and the fake ones.
I don't have a single friend. The only person i have a close relationship is my mother and 70% of the time we are arguing and fighting.
I probably never had a friend. Maybe in my first 6 school years i had 2 or 3, but after that i just stopped being able to fit in and just fell in with the nerds and outcasts that the others found ugly and boring.
My days are passed inside my bedrrom and the only distance i travel are the short meters to reach the bathroom and the kitchen.
Fuck my Life.

I know where you're coming from mate, very relatable to me. I've got a few friends but honestly it doesn't help that much when you're in this kind of a fucked up situation.

 

[WinterIsComing]

I had a "friend" who harassed me for 4-6 days eith almost 100 texts for not going for a short movie projection and because my bf worked with a guy who rejected her.
She also slept with her best friend boyfriend, lied about it, broke a police bike, hit her ex 2 times.....

If she is doing that without caring your concerns or safety she is not worth it.

*I know..when you have only a few friends is difficult. Maybe she was a good person before or now she is getting her true self out who knows but the fact that she is taking advantage and even sugesting you to take vicodin because whatever who care that solves the problem (without caring the cost) it's cruel.

 

[pole]

ah one of those.

who you think care but dont. reach out to you to comfort you, but also have other needs to fulfill. reaching out to you, when they genuinly just need something.

I think shes grown out of it, she seems like she isnt that empathetic sympathizer she once was, and isnt that support system for you anymore. maybe she just has her own things to deal with, lacks the energy to take on the energy and problems of others, etc. but she isnt what she use to be. people change, dont have that drive and energy anymore to shoulder the weight of other peoples problems on their shoulders.

yet, she never reached out to you, never made an attempt to text back; and only did, when she needed something. failed to understand you, failed to acknowledge the fact that you were concerned about getting others involved, and that you cared about them.

she failed to genuinly care and understand. you definitely dont deserve that anymore. of course, she again might have her own weight and problems to deal with. but you dont deserve that either.

 

[xXSarac3nSlay3rXx]

I had a "friend" who harassed me for 4-6 days eith almost 100 texts for not going for a short movie projection and because my bf worked with a guy who rejected her.
She also slept with her best friend boyfriend, lied about it, broke a police bike, hit her ex 2 times.....

If she is doing that without caring your concerns or safety she is not worth it.

*I know..when you have only a few friends is difficult. Maybe she was a good person before or now she is getting her true self out who knows but the fact that she is taking advantage and even sugesting you to take vicodin because whatever who care that solves the problem (without caring the cost) it's cruel.

Yeah, I don't really know. All she really seems to care about is finding a boyfriend or sugar daddy. She said she respected my decision not to give him my information, but I'm not sure whether he already has it: she kept backpedaling, so I'm inclined to believe she's lying. She always used to get really handsy with me when she was drunk. At one point she told me "my parents think we're dating, should we go along with it?" I told her I wasn't really ready because I didn't really feel that way about her. We had casual sex once (only oral) because I figured I might as well cross it off the bucket list before ctb. Otherwise I might have saved my first time for someone else. I just don't really know if she's my best friend anymore, though I thought she was.

I don't know whether she was joking or not when she suggested using vicodin for my depression: I hate text messages because you can't hear the tone of someone's voice. I told her that like any recreational drug I've ever tried, it would only be temporary relief. Also, opiates are a type of drug I would never get into. She suggested I get back on psych meds, but I told her that didn't work for me either. Maybe she does genuinely care and maybe I'm bothering her too much with my bullshit. She's one of the few people I used to feel I could talk to (not about my suicidality though).