Venting Don’t know what to title this.

[BitterlyAlive_]

I've been feeling very desperately suicidal again. I might be spiraling, and I see no reason to keep going. I'm tired of being a cancer to everyone. Tired of being a burden. Toxic.

Ever since my depression literally made me unable to function, I've always been…scared that it will happen again. I don't like how things have been spiraling in the past week. I've been unable to make myself shower, 'care' for myself. Eating hurts my stomach and I've had to throw a lot of food away recently because I just can't eat it. My sleep is getting very fucked up again to where I can't sleep for more than 1 or 2 hours at a time. I'm really noticing certain….patterns in my head that occurred when the depression was so much worse. Self-harm is becoming an issue again. I've been feeling desperately suicidal again, which has led to rather impulsive attempts in the past.

…I feel pretty powerless to do anything about all of this. It feels deserved, anyway. I'm failing in every single aspect of my life. I've been a cancer to everyone around me for so long, a disgrace and a burden. It seems like I deserve to suffer through this again before I die.

Maybe this is just a bad week. We all have them. But there's too many things which….make it seem like more than that. Or maybe I'm just a weak person. It seems pretty likely; I've been told as such before.

I guess we'll see how things turn out. I have a very bad, ominous feeling though.

 

[jodes2]

I hope things improve for you! Sorry you're suffering that little sleep must be making you feel so much worse. If only you could fix that. Sorry you're self-harming you don't deserve to feel like this!

 

[SectOfValtiel]

Ive been spiraling lately, too
Experiencing a lot of the same, lack of sleep and poor appetite and stomach pain and self harm ramping up and almost complete disregard for self care
It can feel like youre going insane, losing control over even the simplest aspects of your life, and flailing trying to maintain the ones you still can

Shit, I dont expect you to believe me- I know I feel the same about my own depression
But you absolutely dont deserve it
I dont believe pretty much anyone in this world does

Hopefully things start to turn around or at least calm down
You deserve the peace and happiness that life has refused to give you, thats what I believe

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really painful and awful what you have to endure, it must be really tiring being trapped in that situation, and I get that when life just continues to get worse it can be so dreadful. But I do wish you the best and hope you find relief from suffering in whatever happens.

 

[Ineedtodie]

I know the feeling. To spiral into depression and feeling that you're being toxic to people around you. Being cluless and hopless of how you can bounce back and see a way. It's just sad. Nobody deserve this lonliness.
I' m vey much in the same boat, been isolating and avoiding all kind of interraction, ashamed, clueless. I just don't see a way out of this. Unless there is a place that accept personalities as mine that is not the psych ward I'm not aware of. Best wishes to you. Hope you find a way somehow.