Help Don't know what I'm experiencing, something similar to derealization?

[cryone]

So recently I've been bothered by the fact that my mom specifically doesn't feel real. Everything else in the world does which is the weird part. This is fucking terrifying. She matters more to me than anyone else, yet I can't even interact with her without the sinking feeling that I'm talking to a lifeless entity. I don't know what to do about it...I've never felt this devoid of my humanity. help? what is this even called? and how do I combat it?

 

[Ah.ow]

So recently I've been bothered by the fact that my mom specifically doesn't feel real. Everything else in the world does which is the weird part. This is fucking terrifying. She matters more to me than anyone else, yet I can't even interact with her without the sinking feeling that I'm talking to a lifeless entity. I don't know what to do about it...I've never felt this devoid of my humanity. help? what is this even called? and how do I combat it?

I appreciate this, it feels meaningfully relatable, people say 'unbelievable' in a joking and enraged way, but i feel also literal unbelievability about alot of people, like I can't seem to believe. I wonder what I don't believe. I don't want to be harmful- people who don't believe me / my life, harm me.

I feel unexpressive, and eventually/ultimately dissociating? so I get scared how to be around this topic

 

[Forever Sleep]

Is it because she is acting differently do you think? Have you ever had this experience around other people? I can't say I've ever experienced this but I imagine, it must be very upsetting. I suppose this is something I probably would want to try and seek help for. Maybe there is a condition that creates this. Have you considered talking to a therapist? I'm sorry you're going through this.

 

[cryone]

Is it because she is acting differently do you think? Have you ever had this experience around other people? I can't say I've ever experienced this but I imagine, it must be very upsetting. I suppose this is something I probably would want to try and seek help for. Maybe there is a condition that creates this. Have you considered talking to a therapist? I'm sorry you're going through this.

Maybe unconsciously I think she's acting differently since she was abusive throughout my childhood, a stark contrast to how she is now...but I've never concluded that she was acting off. When I'm directly talking to someone, I never feel this way. However, I've noticed regardless of who or what, imagining has become a lot more vague & dimensionless. I haven't considered a therapist for long-term treatment ever due to cost. Do you think a one-time diagnostic appointment would be useful?

 

[Forever Sleep]

Maybe unconsciously I think she's acting differently since she was abusive throughout my childhood, a stark contrast to how she is now...but I've never concluded that she was acting off. When I'm directly talking to someone, I never feel this way. However, I've noticed regardless of who or what, imagining has become a lot more vague & dimensionless. I haven't considered a therapist for long-term treatment ever due to cost. Do you think a one-time diagnostic appointment would be useful?

I wish I could confidently say 'yes' regarding a therapist. People here seem to have such mixed experiences though. I maybe thought of it in your circumstances because it seems like you feel aware that your way of experiencing the world, especially your Mum has shifted. So, that sounded more like a condition of some sort- although, I'm not sure what.

Now that you've gone into more detail though- that she was abusive but, isn't so much now. I don't really know. Do you think it may be more that you find this new behaviour hard to trust or believe? More that you find that fake rather than your perception on reality has shifted?

 

[yowai]

Maybe it's your psyche trying to "protect you", dissociation is a defensive mechanism your brain uses in traumatic situations to protect you from stress, like a shield from reality so bad memories + anxiety could cause this?
Or you have a certain image of her that doesn't match reality, idk I'm just speculating Definitely see a therapist because they might have more insight and will help you work through this, why not?