Help Don't Know How To Proceed

[SirChuxAlot]

So, I think by now some of you know, I suffer from Severe Ulcerative Pancolitis as well as major depressive disorder.
Lately, I have noticed that mixed together, they have caused issues at work and my mental state, I feel, continues to tumble due to the stress.

Recently, an online friend of mine discussed with me maybe it time to consider going on disability. While I am sure I well qualify and even have lawyers that will take the case quickly from a denial, a part of me continues beating myself over not working, I still want to do SOMETHING, I know SGA is a thing with disability but for some reason I keep beating myself saying, if you can work a part time, you can work full time but the reality is, I think maybe my friend is right... it is enough hell to even pull myself together to show up for work, not because I don't want to.. mind you..

Anyways, I don't know what I should decide or do.. should I really consider disability?

 

[JustAboutDone]

While nothing is ever black and white - not even a zebra - I think you have to ask yourself can I continue to work? Yes or no? If working is making your health worse then it's time to give up.

It doesn't mean giving up on life just yet, putting in a claim for disability isn't any admission of failure of any kind, it's simply a question of what is better for your physical and mental health.

 

[SirChuxAlot]

While nothing is ever black and white - not even a zebra - I think you have to ask yourself can I continue to work? Yes or no? If working is making your health worse then it's time to give up.

It doesn't mean giving up on life just yet, putting in a claim for disability isn't any admission of failure of any kind, it's simply a question of what is better for your physical and mental health.

Very well said and exactly what my mind has been dealing with! I feel like I am quitting but employers complain due to my unplanned bathroom visits. There hasn't been any medicine that properly works or doesn't create unbearable issues, doctors claim they haven't seen this specific disease this bad in someone my age, often I wonder if my own body is trying to make me CTB by killing itself.

I did two full time and 1 part time weekend job for 5/6 years so I built a good amount of work credits, I think the reason I beat myself up is finding a part time job, which I know many but I never saw myself being on assistance in my earlier youth, especially at my age of 30. I also think I have other underlying mental issues that haven't been detected, I get stressed real easy at work and or upset / angry at very minor things without knowing why thus have a tendency to lash out, only one job I NEVER did that but it was the only job I truly loved even if it was mediocre.

 

[JustAboutDone]

I think some people think that stopping work is "quitting" but it's not. It's moving into a new phase of acceptance of the limitations that illness has placed on you. It's no reflection on your character or 'stick ability' at a job.

Sometimes it feels like we are conditioned to work harder and faster - work through lunch, take on more stress as that makes us 'better' employees, but it doesn't. It just makes us unwell faster.

It seems like it's time for you to make forward into a new phase in your life. It will be hard to accept the changes but they seem necessary for your health and wellbeing.

 

[Idorus]

but for some reason I keep beating myself saying, if you can work a part time, you can work full time but

Working part time is an entirely different thing compared to working full time. If you need more space for yourself, just take it. Listening to your body might be a painful learning curve when you dismiss the signs you already got. Don't let it accumulate into an even bigger collapse. The world unfortunately hasn't taught us this cause all it cares about is money and performance.

 

[SirChuxAlot]

I think some people think that stopping work is "quitting" but it's not. It's moving into a new phase of acceptance of the limitations that illness has placed on you. It's no reflection on your character or 'stick ability' at a job.

Sometimes it feels like we are conditioned to work harder and faster - work through lunch, take on more stress as that makes us 'better' employees, but it doesn't. It just makes us unwell faster.

It seems like it's time for you to make forward into a new phase in your life. It will be hard to accept the changes but they seem necessary for your health and wellbeing.

Thank you so much for the advice, it definitely makes me feel a lot more confident! I was always beat in my head that you have to be hard worker in order to get anywhere, by my now deceased father. I have come to believe that isn't true and my parents divorce was the first sign that made me start doubting as he was rarely at home and always at work. That is literally how I feel I have been since I was 20. Always working 6 to 7 days a week and ignored my disease on a regular basis and learned to work with it at the time. It seems it is starting to make a payback.
Thank you much for your advice!

Working part time is an entirely different thing compared to working full time. If you need more space for yourself, just take it. Listening to your body might be a painful learning curve when you dismiss the signs you already got. Don't let it accumulate into an even bigger collapse. The world unfortunately hasn't taught us this cause all it cares about is money and performance.

Very good as well, I highly agree with you on the money and performance mindset. Unfortunately, I was never able to go to school for anything and because of this, I feel I am a failure in society's view.

 

[Idorus]

Huge progression! Looove to see that;)

 

[lululoo]

So, I think by now some of you know, I suffer from Severe Ulcerative Pancolitis as well as major depressive disorder.
Lately, I have noticed that mixed together, they have caused issues at work and my mental state, I feel, continues to tumble due to the stress.

Recently, an online friend of mine discussed with me maybe it time to consider going on disability. While I am sure I well qualify and even have lawyers that will take the case quickly from a denial, a part of me continues beating myself over not working, I still want to do SOMETHING, I know SGA is a thing with disability but for some reason I keep beating myself saying, if you can work a part time, you can work full time but the reality is, I think maybe my friend is right... it is enough hell to even pull myself together to show up for work, not because I don't want to.. mind you..

Anyways, I don't know what I should decide or do.. should I really consider disability?

Please go for disability and part time work and feel no shame! I also have a chronic illness but it's one that I could never get disability for. If I could, I would! And working part time sounds perfect to me. I understand what a struggle full-time work can be. Don't feel bad about needing a part-time schedule.