foreverotting
Member
- Oct 1, 2020
- 49
I can't take anymore of my own bullshit. I'm just going to lay in my bed like my stupid fucking head has ALWAYS wanted. I'm done fighting that. I was doing esketamine which was giving me slight hope, but after I had a panic attack right before going and missed ONE FUCKING DAY they dropped me from the program. What fucking mental health place DROPS A FUCKING DEPRESSED PERSON FOR MISSING A FUCKING DAY FUCK YOU FOR GIVING UP ON ME. I'm done with my medications. Every time I miss a dose or don't take it on time I feel like SHIT I CANT TAKE THIS LIFE ANYMORE. Im just going to rot in my bed till the day I die because apparently my brain is just bored of everything. If i die or get some stupid seizure from abruptly stopping my medications, so be it. Half the problem is the medications anyway. Fuck this life, I'm tired of living for others. What a fucking pain. So maybe today will be the day I just say fuck it all, or maybe I'll get over this breakdown. I don't care anymore to be honest, if I do or not. I've came to the conclusion that this is how my life will be and my brain will forever just be bored of everything despite me trying so desperately to not feel bored and be in tune with my emotions. I wish I grew up like a normal kid with a normal family with normal friends and a normal fucking brain.