I have a dog, she's beautiful, my best friend in the entire world. Having her has not done me many favours though in the eyes of so called social services etc, who recently cut payment for the one hour contribution they make to the support I get for my Asperger's issues. To me she is like a guide dog is to a blind person, that's the role she plays. I even postponed my exit to spend more time with this amazing creature.
It breaks my heart to think how she will react to me not coming back. She waits for me whenever I go out, husband says she stares at the door waiting for me. I can just picture her doing this after I CTB, staring at the door waiting for me to come through it.
I have a routine with her, I wake up, usually at stupid o'clock but that's ok so long as I am not tired, I make my breakfast and coffee, take her outside to the toilet, feed her, then she sits on the sofa with me until I take her for a walk when it gets light.
I have gone through the most unimaginable discomfort to make sure she gets what she needs. Walking her can be excruciating as I developed severe sciatica in my right leg, one of the reasons that's pushed me towards CTB, I can barely stand some days, can't put weight on it, can't move that hip some days, but somehow I still manage to walk her. She seems to be very patient and doesn't mind me having to stop on every park bench some days.
I picture her finding me, trying to revive me, it's not a nice picture to have in your head at all.
In a way I wish I'd never got her, I wasn't as serious about CTB this time last year when I got her, I was hoping another year would remove some more of the symptoms I have, but sadly that has not happened, and I have got gradually worse.
Other people are afraid of her, she looks like a giant staffordshire bull terrier or a giant pitbull lol, she's actually a mixed mastiff/molosser type dog. I wish I could post a photo of her here, but I can't as someone would know who I was if I did.
She knows all my secrets, she knows my plans, she knows everything. I tell her everything, if she could speak, I am sure she would find a way to solve the problems. She actually hugs, if you sit down next to her, she puts her head on your shoulder and flops over as if to return the hug lol. Unless you look like a rat, squirrel or a spaniel, you're fine, she will love you eternally. She's killed three rats this year in our garden, you'd not think a dog of her build would be a good ratter but she is.
I wish in a way things were different, and I did not have to do this, leave SO soon, I want to spend more time with this dog.
I just hope husband can find it in his heart to keep her here in her home, until her time is up and I am reunited with her someplace else.
I am going to miss her very much.
It breaks my heart to think how she will react to me not coming back. She waits for me whenever I go out, husband says she stares at the door waiting for me. I can just picture her doing this after I CTB, staring at the door waiting for me to come through it.
I have a routine with her, I wake up, usually at stupid o'clock but that's ok so long as I am not tired, I make my breakfast and coffee, take her outside to the toilet, feed her, then she sits on the sofa with me until I take her for a walk when it gets light.
I have gone through the most unimaginable discomfort to make sure she gets what she needs. Walking her can be excruciating as I developed severe sciatica in my right leg, one of the reasons that's pushed me towards CTB, I can barely stand some days, can't put weight on it, can't move that hip some days, but somehow I still manage to walk her. She seems to be very patient and doesn't mind me having to stop on every park bench some days.
I picture her finding me, trying to revive me, it's not a nice picture to have in your head at all.
In a way I wish I'd never got her, I wasn't as serious about CTB this time last year when I got her, I was hoping another year would remove some more of the symptoms I have, but sadly that has not happened, and I have got gradually worse.
Other people are afraid of her, she looks like a giant staffordshire bull terrier or a giant pitbull lol, she's actually a mixed mastiff/molosser type dog. I wish I could post a photo of her here, but I can't as someone would know who I was if I did.
She knows all my secrets, she knows my plans, she knows everything. I tell her everything, if she could speak, I am sure she would find a way to solve the problems. She actually hugs, if you sit down next to her, she puts her head on your shoulder and flops over as if to return the hug lol. Unless you look like a rat, squirrel or a spaniel, you're fine, she will love you eternally. She's killed three rats this year in our garden, you'd not think a dog of her build would be a good ratter but she is.
I wish in a way things were different, and I did not have to do this, leave SO soon, I want to spend more time with this dog.
I just hope husband can find it in his heart to keep her here in her home, until her time is up and I am reunited with her someplace else.
I am going to miss her very much.
