Does you think some people are here for fun?

[itsallover]

It has started to cross my mind lately that some people are doing this for kicks. I guess if you're getting the information you want then who cares right? What about those who see this as the only place they can truly vent? You can't tell a shrink you're thinking of dying or else you get locked up indefinitely. I find myself here daily as my mind goes up and down all day long depending on how I'm feeling physically. I wonder what pure suicidal depression not connected to anything else really feels if someone can explain that to me.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

It has started to cross my mind lately that some people are doing this for kicks. I guess if you're getting the information you want then who cares right? What about those who see this as the only place they can truly vent? You can't tell a shrink you're thinking of dying or else you get locked up indefinitely. I find myself here daily as my mind goes up and down all day long depending on how I'm feeling physically. I wonder what pure suicidal depression not connected to anything else really feels if someone can explain that to me.

Make the bathroom cold. Turn on the fan. Leave only a single dim light to diffuse, as if barely there — maybe a flickering candle.

Stay in the here and now; nothing exists on the other side of that door.

Slowly and deliberately, strip off each item of clothing, one by one. Focus on each movement of each action.

Draw yourself a bath. Go all out. Make it the best bath you possibly can.

Get in. Lie there in the heat, enjoying the comfort. Close your eyes. Wrap your arms around yourself to make the warm embrace literal.

This is the world everyone else knows.

Now, still lying still in the perfect bath, pull the drain plug.

Sit there as the water slowly recedes, as the warm water turns to cool air on your skin.

Listen to the gurgling thirst of the drain, as your bath gradually transitions to the past tense.

Sit motionless, as you feel the water being sucked down the pipes. You're half way now, but there is still some water left, still some warmth you can feel.

After the last of the water runs swirling down the drain's rim, sit there for a while. Sit there cold and wet and naked.

Keep still. Let yourself shiver. Don't attempt to warm yourself.

This is what depression feels like.

It feels like everything good has all drained out, leaving you cold and naked and alone.
-unknown

 

[DepressionsAHo]

Make the bathroom cold. Turn on the fan. Leave only a single dim light to diffuse, as if barely there — maybe a flickering candle.

Stay in the here and now; nothing exists on the other side of that door.

Slowly and deliberately, strip off each item of clothing, one by one. Focus on each movement of each action.

Draw yourself a bath. Go all out. Make it the best bath you possibly can.

Get in. Lie there in the heat, enjoying the comfort. Close your eyes. Wrap your arms around yourself to make the warm embrace literal.

This is the world everyone else knows.

Now, still lying still in the perfect bath, pull the drain plug.

Sit there as the water slowly recedes, as the warm water turns to cool air on your skin.

Listen to the gurgling thirst of the drain, as your bath gradually transitions to the past tense.

Sit motionless, as you feel the water being sucked down the pipes. You're half way now, but there is still some water left, still some warmth you can feel.

After the last of the water runs swirling down the drain's rim, sit there for a while. Sit there cold and wet and naked.

Keep still. Let yourself shiver. Don't attempt to warm yourself.

This is what depression feels like.

It feels like everything good has all drained out, leaving you cold and naked and alone.
-unknown

To add to this. My deprssession is currently linked to something however, at other times it wasn't.

 

[itsallover]

Make the bathroom cold. Turn on the fan. Leave only a single dim light to diffuse, as if barely there — maybe a flickering candle.

Stay in the here and now; nothing exists on the other side of that door.

Slowly and deliberately, strip off each item of clothing, one by one. Focus on each movement of each action.

Draw yourself a bath. Go all out. Make it the best bath you possibly can.

Get in. Lie there in the heat, enjoying the comfort. Close your eyes. Wrap your arms around yourself to make the warm embrace literal.

This is the world everyone else knows.

Now, still lying still in the perfect bath, pull the drain plug.

Sit there as the water slowly recedes, as the warm water turns to cool air on your skin.

Listen to the gurgling thirst of the drain, as your bath gradually transitions to the past tense.

Sit motionless, as you feel the water being sucked down the pipes. You're half way now, but there is still some water left, still some warmth you can feel.

After the last of the water runs swirling down the drain's rim, sit there for a while. Sit there cold and wet and naked.

Keep still. Let yourself shiver. Don't attempt to warm yourself.

This is what depression feels like.

It feels like everything good has all drained out, leaving you cold and naked and alone.
-unknown

Damn that was powerful. I could almost feel your pain.

 

[Johnnythefox]

 

[jackass]

It has started to cross my mind lately that some people are doing this for kicks. I guess if you're getting the information you want then who cares right? What about those who see this as the only place they can truly vent? You can't tell a shrink you're thinking of dying or else you get locked up indefinitely. I find myself here daily as my mind goes up and down all day long depending on how I'm feeling physically. I wonder what pure suicidal depression not connected to anything else really feels if someone can explain that to me.

People find this place as a safe haven and they get comfortable and it becomes a habit. I see some users with thousands of posts treating this site as some sort of suicidal facebook, I feel really bad for them and I hope I don't get too comfy here and forget what I am here for. In essence, none of us wants to be here.

 

[Its almost time]

Suicidal Facebook hahaha made me lol that cheers

 

[GeorgeEastman]

It's fun to know there are other people with reason out there.

I believe it's reasonable to want to kill yourself. All the idiots I see everyday outside of here don't share that belief. And I think they're stupid as hell. It's no damn fun being around idiots all day.

 

[SirChuxAlot]

Why do I feel like I can relate so well to this video, mentally?

 

[Sickman75]

But maybe not all are suicidal one day fine the next that's how I am. I probably use this place as crutch because I don't have any friends and I don't have anywhere else to go, so I come here. I told myself don't post as much so I'm going to stick to that idea for a bit...maybe. I haven't spoken my energy yet, the shit that needs to be released like some of the people here have. I surely wish I could.

 

[ShadowOfTheDay]

Make the bathroom cold. Turn on the fan. Leave only a single dim light to diffuse, as if barely there — maybe a flickering candle.

Stay in the here and now; nothing exists on the other side of that door.

Slowly and deliberately, strip off each item of clothing, one by one. Focus on each movement of each action.

Draw yourself a bath. Go all out. Make it the best bath you possibly can.

Get in. Lie there in the heat, enjoying the comfort. Close your eyes. Wrap your arms around yourself to make the warm embrace literal.

This is the world everyone else knows.

Now, still lying still in the perfect bath, pull the drain plug.

Sit there as the water slowly recedes, as the warm water turns to cool air on your skin.

Listen to the gurgling thirst of the drain, as your bath gradually transitions to the past tense.

Sit motionless, as you feel the water being sucked down the pipes. You're half way now, but there is still some water left, still some warmth you can feel.

After the last of the water runs swirling down the drain's rim, sit there for a while. Sit there cold and wet and naked.

Keep still. Let yourself shiver. Don't attempt to warm yourself.

This is what depression feels like.

It feels like everything good has all drained out, leaving you cold and naked and alone.
-unknown

Oh, this is too accurate.

 

[Partial-Elf]

From what I understand, there are a lot of different manifestations of depression varying in both length and presentation of symptoms. For me, it manifests itself as:

• A feeling of near complete overwhelm
• An inability to complete even minor tasks
• An inability to focus on anything longer than a minute or two at a time
• Feelings of deep self loathing and regret
• Difficulty/refusal to take care of myself, even including pressing health concerns
• Complete loss of interest in activities I normally find rewarding
• Complete inability to visualize a future that would be even vaguely happy or rewarding
• Dramatically increased consumption of food and alcohol
• Dramatically increased need for sleep
  
• Difficulty socializing, frequent feelings of animosity and even hatred towards friends and family
• Near complete withdrawal from friends and family
• Difficulty presenting appropriate facial expressions when happiness is called for
• Near constant thoughts of death and suicide, up to and including developing a plan and practicing that plan

What's strange is that I can recognize these feelings as symptoms of depression, but they don't feel any less "real" or authentic. The thoughts don't feel invasive, they feel like a naturally arising part of me (which... I guess they are). For me, episodes vary in intensity and length. But they normally last for a good month before I bust out and get manic (type 2 bi polar diagnosis here)

 

[SirChuxAlot]

But maybe not all are suicidal one day fine the next that's how I am. I probably use this place as crutch because I don't have any friends and I don't have anywhere else to go, so I come here. I told myself don't post as much so I'm going to stick to that idea for a bit...maybe. I haven't spoken my energy yet, the shit that needs to be released like some of the people here have. I surely wish I could.

We share similar lifestyles. I moved out of state from all my previous friends and since then haven't met anyone I can really relate to around here.
Never feel like you have to close yourself off from here though, I joined for the same exact reason and so far, I love it here compared to Reddit where no one really cared. You also never know who here might be able to offer you some good advice or even maybe make your day better!
If I was truly being honest here, this is the most active I have been on a forum since the IRC and chat rooms.

 

[SirChuxAlot]

From what I understand, there are a lot different manifestations of depression varying in both length and symptoms. For me, it manifests itself as:

• A feeling of near complete overwhelm
• An inability to complete even minor tasks
• An inability to focus on anything longer than a minute or two at a time
• Feelings of deep self loathing and regret
• Difficulty/refusal to take care of myself, even including pressing health concerns
• Complete loss of interest in activities I normally find rewarding
• Complete inability to visualize a future that would be even vaguely happy or rewarding
• Dramatically increased consumption of food and alcohol
• Dramatically increased need for sleep
  
• Difficulty socializing
• Near complete withdrawal from friends and family
• Difficulty presenting appropriate facial expressions when happiness is called for
• Near constant thoughts of death and suicide, up to and including developing a plan and practicing that plan

What's strange is that I can recognize these feelings as symptoms of depression, but they don't feel and less "real" or authentic. The thoughts don't feel invasive, they feel like a naturally arising part of me (which, I guess, they are)

You must be my long lost brother, I share those same symptoms excluding food / alcohol consumption.

 

[Sickman75]

We share similar lifestyles. I moved out of state from all my previous friends and since then haven't met anyone I can really relate to around here.
Never feel like you have to close yourself off from here though, I joined for the same exact reason and so far, I love it here compared to Reddit where no one really cared. You also never know who here might be able to offer you some good advice or even maybe make your day better!
If I was truly being honest here, this is the most active I have been on a forum since the IRC and chat rooms.

I know exactly where your at because I'm there too
I must have like this sign on me that says don't be this guy's friend or take advantage of this guy he's an easy target. Deep down I want friends but really in reality I don't want anyone around because I like just having me to worry about

 

[itsallover]

People find this place as a safe haven and they get comfortable and it becomes a habit. I see some users with thousands of posts treating this site as some sort of suicidal facebook, I feel really bad for them and I hope I don't get too comfy here and forget what I am here for. In essence, none of us wants to be here.

Lol that line gave me a good laugh. I gotta build up the guts to try again after failing last time. It's a really strange feeling like I should be dead and supposedly happy I'm still here but I'm not at all

 

[ForestLove]

Nobody wants to be here at the very first place.

The reasons why I'm here is to seek advice and it provides an outlet for me to vent and express my thoughts and feelings which I can never do it in real life without any judgement. In real life, pple will NEVER understand what i have been through and understand how i feel. They will always blame and judge you.

I also feel a bit more comfortable here which I shouldn't.

 

[jackass]

Nobody wants to be here at the very first place.

The reasons why I'm here is to seek advice and it provides an outlet for me to vent and express my thoughts and feelings which I can never do it in real life without any judgement. In real life, pple will NEVER understand what i have been through and understand how i feel. They will always blame and judge you.

I also feel a bit more comfortable here which I shouldn't.

I am sorry you are here. You are spot on with your observation, but try not to stay here for too long, it is a worse fate than both living and death. We have to make a choice no matter what. Good luck!

 

[Cookiedough8956]

I like this place only bc i can share how i feel with other like-minded people.
Try stating ur actual feelings and thoughts to irl ppl- fucking game over for you.
And no one here shoves that whole pro life b.s in ur face

 

[dysfunctional]

From what I understand, there are a lot of different manifestations of depression varying in both length and presentation of symptoms. For me, it manifests itself as:

• A feeling of near complete overwhelm
• An inability to complete even minor tasks
• An inability to focus on anything longer than a minute or two at a time
• Feelings of deep self loathing and regret
• Difficulty/refusal to take care of myself, even including pressing health concerns
• Complete loss of interest in activities I normally find rewarding
• Complete inability to visualize a future that would be even vaguely happy or rewarding
• Dramatically increased consumption of food and alcohol
• Dramatically increased need for sleep
  
• Difficulty socializing, frequent feelings of animosity and even hatred towards friends and family
• Near complete withdrawal from friends and family
• Difficulty presenting appropriate facial expressions when happiness is called for
• Near constant thoughts of death and suicide, up to and including developing a plan and practicing that plan

What's strange is that I can recognize these feelings as symptoms of depression, but they don't feel any less "real" or authentic. The thoughts don't feel invasive, they feel like a naturally arising part of me (which... I guess they are). For me, episodes vary in intensity and length. But they normally last for a good month before I bust out and get manic (type 2 bi polar diagnosis here)

I second that

 

[dysfunctional]

I do have shit that is messed up in my life, but my depression/bipolar mix has taken on a life of its own. If not I could've fixed my issues by now.
In addition to the list above, some of the main effects for me are:
- having no sense of routine or order. The days just flow from one to another.
- having agitated energy but never knowing what to do with it. Literally feels like forgetting how to live.
- inability to feel satisfaction from anything at all.
- racing terrible thoughts (the one thing meds have helped with).
- extreme metabolism and hormone changes that initially resulted in me losing 20 lbs of muscle ( I was fairly muscular and lean)
- complete lack of confidence or self worth. If someone honks at me in traffic, I would've flipped them of or whatever before. Now I'm like "yeah I know I'm a piece of shit".
- slowing down of physical movement and decreased coordination. I used to be highly athletic.
- long term memory loss
- just never feeling comfortable in the moment. If I'm lying down, I feel like I should be standing up. If i'm standing up, all I can think to do is lie back down. If I'm with people, I want to be alone. If I'm alone, I want to be around people.

Basically way beyond feeling sad or angry about something. Previous to this, I could get down on something, work to fix it, then feel amazing relief. This is just a constant feeling that can't really be changed.

 

[odette]

I've been diagnosed with major depression, but I don't think that's what it is because the symptoms don't seem to fit me. What I feel is a desperation for something but I don't know what.

Imagine some kind of technology was invented so that you could keep someone alive without them ever eating, but they still experience hunger as if they are starving. They grow up and they have never eaten. They have never seen food, tasted food, smelled food or even heard of the concept of food. They constantly feel that starvation and they know they are desperate for something but they have no idea what it is.

That's how I feel. I am highly motivated, absolutely the opposite of depression. I will do anything to satisfy this hunger but I have no idea what this hunger is for.

 

[Xaphous]

I don't believe I am welcome here at all but I have no where else to share my misery of suffering, no form of expression. I am already permanently banned from other suicide forum

 

[Redt2go]

I don't believe I am welcome here at all but I have no where else to share my misery of suffering, no form of expression. I am already permanently banned from other suicide forum

What's the other suicide forum

 

[Raggas]

Yes there are unscrupulous users here. Some who gawk at us or maybe some psychologists who come here out of curiosity.

 

[JustAboutDone]

I don't believe I am welcome here at all but I have no where else to share my misery of suffering, no form of expression. I am already permanently banned from other suicide forum

What would make you think you were not welcome?

I think people use the site for a whole spectrum of reasons. Some just to get clarification on a method, others to bounce ideas around with people, safe in the knowledge they don't have to over-explain or worry about not making sense due to brain fog because people will understand.

Some have depression or suicidal feelings that wax and wane so they can be up one minute and down the next, which is where I think the 'off-topic' section is good. It's a sort of low key area for slightly 'better' moments, maybe, where 'better' might be being that you still can't leave your house or interact irl as anxiety is out of control. Or it may be the middle of the night for some users who can't sleep. I don't see why users can't use a forum for fun if that makes them feel better about ctb in the same way that discussion of suicide makes others feel better. I don't know why people would want to feel judgemental of other depressed people?

 

[NotWorthLiving]

I have my opinions. I do believe that some users treat the site as a suicidal facebook. recently there has been an influx in posts from certain users and (correct me if I'm wrong, I haven't been active much recently) but I do not see much in the way of these users needing this as a method of coping and serenity as I do, this is where i fond myself most at peace knowing every time i log in, i am 1 step closer to ctb as i am constantly looking to refine my escape route so it is fool proof. I do understand that venting about this kind of stuff here is probably the best place for it as no one here is legally obliged to report someone else and the anonymity helps that but it does seem like some people are here just for fun

 

[Noitu x Love]

I'm here to get knowledge on the euthanasia method. I think that most here are in it for the attention.

 

[Thisisme373]

I can't lie that some posters I've seen on here (only 2 or 3) appear to just be show off attention seekers in my opinion, it's not cool when people are here as they are truly in such hell that they want to kill themselves and others are using this site to get attention to gratify there ego's, go do that shit on another forum, depression, disabilities, anxiety, intense suffering, diseases etc ain't no fuckin joke.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

Came here to research methods when I was actively suicidal..
Now I know about the means to end it but not ready to go through, still I think about suicide all day long so I end here every time because there are not many places where I can openly share my desire to die.
Sorry if that's wrong.