J

Jolene40

Specialist
Oct 6, 2018
370
I feel even worse when it's beautiful outside. It 're affirms all that I am missing and all that I want to do but my disgusting diseased body won't allow. I can't even sit in the sun any more without feeling like acid is being poured over my head and inside my face sinuses and lungs. This overwhelming feeling of loss makes me want to die more than anything now. Yet I desperately cling on hoping there may be some improvement and I may experience a normalish day one day soon.
 
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P

Punished

Member
Jun 17, 2019
27
I'm so sorry you're having this hard time. Some days seeing the sun does make me feel better, but often when I am already depressed seeing the beautiful weather just makes me feel defeated, like "here's a chance to go outside and enjoy myself, but I have no energy or motivation to do it, what a waste." Also, I have terrible seasonal allergies so of course when I do work up the energy to get outdoors, I get hay fever or hives or migraines. No where near the pain you're describing, but I understand feeling line even that little bit of joy of sitting outside is out of reach.
 
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D

deathenvoy

Experienced
Mar 29, 2019
215
All my depression episodes started at summer.
 
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T

TimeToDie

Mage
Jun 13, 2019
521
Under the darkness & arctic chill of winter of really wanted spring to come. Well, now summer is here and yesterday was the longest day of the year but all that sun & mild weather does nothing to make me feel better. Back in winter I told myself I would start walking once spring came, yet I was too disabled by mental & physical problems to get out of the house, and many days to even get out of bed at all. Just watching TV is a monumental accomplishment for me.
 
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Meretlein

Meretlein

Moderator
Feb 15, 2019
1,199
Cold and rainy days are the best. Especially when i'm all alone.
 
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inconsequential

inconsequential

Enlightened
Jun 1, 2019
1,011
I'm so sorry that you go through this. The sunshine is one of the few things that make me happy— I can't imagine it being painful. Hugs to you.
 
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S

srk003

Member
Feb 10, 2019
17
Yes I prefer the rain for the most part. Everyone seems to be overjoyed when it's hot and sunny (as hot and sunny as it gets in the UK). I don't like the heat especially at work. It's OK at the beach but I don't go to those places these days.
 
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Xaphous

Xaphous

hikikomori
Nov 11, 2018
550
I prefer sunny weather just so I can sit outside and smoke with the sun on my face. I can also hate good weather because I am a loner so it's very depressing to be always alone. I think wind is the worst though, being in public with wind on your face and blowing my hair to a mess makes me self conscious as hell.
 
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Boonks

Boonks

Lowlife
Mar 2, 2019
236
YES 100% Very few people can understand this
 
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Dartz

Dartz

Give Me The Dirt
Jun 29, 2018
613
I like the cold, rain and snow. Summer weather just feels wrong.
 
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B

barny

Member
Jun 17, 2019
80
I used to like the summer (although not humidity). Now I hate it. I hate the long evenings. I would rather it be dark then light. maybe not wet, but cold and dark is fine lol. can't sit in the sun now, just want to be in the shade and its still too bright.
 
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Egddios

Egddios

Specialist
Oct 27, 2018
395
I really like and miss swimming in the ocean. That was probably the best part of summer months for me. Now, the only peace I find is when I manage to sleep through the night. And nighttime in general, as soon as the sun starts to go down, I feel more comfortable.
 
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lotus11

lotus11

Specialist
May 18, 2019
322
nahhh mate im the opposite I fucking love summer. I am automatically happier as soon as the weather is good. I actually moved my life from living in Scotland to living in Spain largely for this reason.
 
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Ἡγησίας

Ἡγησίας

Student
May 20, 2019
191
The sun and the warm weather is the only thing that attenuates my suicidal thoughts.
 
Midnight

Midnight

Beyond solace
Jun 30, 2018
624
Yes i hate summer ... In colder months i can hide in hoodies,hats,jackets and whatnot. Tbh i like fall/early winter most. In summer people are outside till late at night so my late-night wandering is now filled with people instead of being alone. Also it's light outside for waaaay too long.
 
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Boonks

Boonks

Lowlife
Mar 2, 2019
236
Today was a particularly gorgeous summer day I avoided successfully. Deep down I yearn to be a part of the hustle and bustle in the city and yet my insecurities and trauma overwhelms me and turns a beautiful day into anxiety and panic until it becomes a very trigger and something I must avoid. If I go out and experience anxiety it'll result in depression. If I don't go out I stay safe, anxiety free, but depressed because now I'm this hermit hikikomori...and thaaaaat creates anxiety because a hikikomori can't exist without an external source providing for them...what if my disability money comes to a screeching halt, which it so often does? What if my parents die? I'd be completely alone and I'd go crazy. I have no education. I have limited work experience, I haven't held a job for longer than a year and a half. Every day I'm getting older. What am I working towards? How will I support myself when the anxiety paralyzes and disables me? From here it looks as if I'll turn maniacal. Homeless. And alone. And I'll just wither away, helplessly, suffering a slow death, a meaningless existence, a cruel, slow death, by the elements.
 
Conflicted Cat

Conflicted Cat

Experienced
May 23, 2019
256
Yeah, it does. Give me darkness, heavy rain, and thunderstorms, might even go for a walk in it.
 
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dreamsofdestruction

dreamsofdestruction

Everywhere I look is chaos
May 9, 2019
340
I don't really like high temperatures, but I'm glad there's more daylight currently. Last winter my depression got so bad I was starting to feel really down coming home from work when it's already dark and not being able to take walks or ride my bike in the daylight. Because those used to be the only things to lift my mood a little, albeit temporarily.

Lately that hasn't worked very well anymore either, but with less daylight I'm sure it would be even worse.
 
joshe

joshe

Wanderer
Jun 1, 2019
112
It depends, rainy, horrible weather sometimes makes me feel better
 
D

Donewith_

Elementalist
Sep 28, 2018
876
When its very sunny, it irritates me. It used to irritate me when i was a kid too. its not just feeling like.. 'i don't like it'.. i just want to get away from it. it worsens my mood, so i keep calm so that others won't notice.
 
ladolcemorte

ladolcemorte

Experienced
May 5, 2019
286
100 times yes. There is actually a theory that some people have seasonal affective disorder (SAD) in the summer rather than winter. I think I have this. Even when I was a kid I didn't like summer.

What makes it worse is that everyone else is happy with the weather. it is as if enjoying sunshine is mandatory. You can't go anywhere without some random person (a cashier, a cab driver, someone in an elevator) saying "isn't this a beautiful day?" Then you either have to lie, or tell the truth and listen to the other person's shock.
 
J

JoeFailure

Mage
Apr 29, 2019
574
I hate them now because I used to love them. I hope one day I can enjoy them again and that my life will turn around. Who knows.
 
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pane

pane

Hollow
Apr 29, 2019
358
Up until quite recently during dark, rainy afternoons and evenings I'd crawl into bed, bury myself under the covers, two of my cats would often jump on the bed and settle in with me and I'd listen to the rain hitting the roof for an hour or so. It didn't actually make me feel good but at least it anesthetized me and helped me to forget the pain for awhile.

Sadly not even that does much for me anymore, one of the reasons being that I had to have one of the cats euthanized in April because he had a cancerous mass in his abdomen and had completely stopped eating.
 
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C

CursedForDisaster

Student
Apr 1, 2019
187
I enjoy it if people aren't around
 
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secondtimesthecharm

secondtimesthecharm

Member
Jun 14, 2019
62
It does now, simply because summer used to be my favorite time. I LOVED summer, and I had a million amazing plans for this one, but my life fell apart within the last month and now the beautiful weather outside just reminds me of what could have been.
 
Numbtopain97

Numbtopain97

deader than dead
Aug 10, 2019
443
Yes, whenever it's sunny out I feel more shitty that all I'm doing is laying in bed all day...like I need to be outside in the sun enjoying life. I guess thunderstorms match my mood better.
 
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