I like to be a mass poster. Posting on here gives me some meaning. Which might be a little bit sad. I am at place 22th of members with the most posts. I think if we also consider the amounts of words in this calculation I might in the top 15. I know it is worth nothing. And it is stupid to feel good about it. But strangely I do. People will judge me for it.
For me my posts are like a very long suicide note documenting the extreme injustice and pain that led me to this decision. Nowhere else on any other platform I could do that. Maybe on X but I would get harrassed and trolled and people would make fun of me which might would drive me to commit suicide. There is a bullying culture on X even when it was Twitter. I like my posts and I try to do good with them. Many people told me they are distracting them from their problems. People called me thoughful and eloquent.
Someone once replied to me jokingly: "I did not know we were scoring for high scores." I think in itself a high post count is not something bad. But I think it comes with some responsibilities being a mass poster in this forum. I try not go get into heated debates or I try to avoid getting aggressive when I am on here. We are all pretty mentally unstable.
Then there is also the absurditiy component people might judge me for that. But me noname223 is in (probably) the biggest suicide forum on this planet among the 20 members who provide the most content. At school everyone thought of me as promising young academic. Lmao. Thoughful threads on SaSu are way better than actually engaging productively in society and earning a lot of money in the economy living a happy life. Who wants that?
The post count should not be a status symbol as strangely as it sounds. It does not mean the content you provide had a high quality. It does not mean you are special. But it can mean a lot to you as a person because you share a history with this forum. There was so much shit that we went through. I had the chance to meet incredible people with incrediblely sad stories. I have changed within these 4 years. It is incrediblely difficult to remain human when you go through severe agony 24/7 for years. It changes you as a person. I think there are some good but mostly bad aspects. I wish I could have been resilient like Victor Frankl but me. I just broke. I am a broken human being. A shell from my former self. I have forgotten how happiness feels like. How it feels not be overwhelmed by sorrows.
How about you?
For me my posts are like a very long suicide note documenting the extreme injustice and pain that led me to this decision. Nowhere else on any other platform I could do that. Maybe on X but I would get harrassed and trolled and people would make fun of me which might would drive me to commit suicide. There is a bullying culture on X even when it was Twitter. I like my posts and I try to do good with them. Many people told me they are distracting them from their problems. People called me thoughful and eloquent.
Someone once replied to me jokingly: "I did not know we were scoring for high scores." I think in itself a high post count is not something bad. But I think it comes with some responsibilities being a mass poster in this forum. I try not go get into heated debates or I try to avoid getting aggressive when I am on here. We are all pretty mentally unstable.
Then there is also the absurditiy component people might judge me for that. But me noname223 is in (probably) the biggest suicide forum on this planet among the 20 members who provide the most content. At school everyone thought of me as promising young academic. Lmao. Thoughful threads on SaSu are way better than actually engaging productively in society and earning a lot of money in the economy living a happy life. Who wants that?
The post count should not be a status symbol as strangely as it sounds. It does not mean the content you provide had a high quality. It does not mean you are special. But it can mean a lot to you as a person because you share a history with this forum. There was so much shit that we went through. I had the chance to meet incredible people with incrediblely sad stories. I have changed within these 4 years. It is incrediblely difficult to remain human when you go through severe agony 24/7 for years. It changes you as a person. I think there are some good but mostly bad aspects. I wish I could have been resilient like Victor Frankl but me. I just broke. I am a broken human being. A shell from my former self. I have forgotten how happiness feels like. How it feels not be overwhelmed by sorrows.
How about you?
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