Ha! Gotcha, you clicked.
Here is a short story from the Annals of Underscore...
My upstairs back window has a good view of the hill and field behind my house, where some locals are making allotments. There is often someone working there and I notice their progress daily.
Today I glanced out the window to see if there was any activity and I saw...what appeared to be a bloke taking a dump on a tree. Trousers around his ankles, doing some sort of...er...anal gymnastics, possibly wiping his arse. Charming.
We all get caught short sometimes. Not the first time I've gone au naturelle. But why couldn't he use the copse of trees where he could get some privacy? He was defecating in open ground, the middle of the field, next to a fecking footpath FFS, in plain view of the houses below.
It was strangely mesmerising.
Next time I went upstairs again, I couldn't help watch what else he was doing.
There are drainage problems on that bit of the field. There is a standpipe that leaks at the top of the hill, that shouldn't be there, but is very useful. The owner of that plot has been terracing the hill and putting in drainage measures. He used a mini digger to make the terraces and so cut through the colluvial subsoil and solid clay geology below. Now these layers outcrop as stripes in his cutting, because it's on a hill. This means the water from the standpipe accumulates on the clay and soaks through the subsoil. So the drainage ditch and pond at the bottom of his plot are useless.
The bloke was a young chap, I'm assuming maybe the owners son. He spent all morning (when he wasn't creatively defecating) lollygagging (yes, I've been waiting months to legitimately use that term). He would casually mattock a bit of clay, then stand around looking puzzled, followed by a half hour break to wonder why the fuck he was doing this when he'd clearly rather be doing something else.
Poor chap hadn't got a clue what he was doing as the whole project is doomed to failure due to the geology.
NB. my brother and I snaffled a water butt from the abandoned allotment down the road to donate to the new guy and my brother dropped it with him this afternoon. I couldn't approach him today as I just had the image of his son taking a dump in the middle of the field.
Here is a short story from the Annals of Underscore...
My upstairs back window has a good view of the hill and field behind my house, where some locals are making allotments. There is often someone working there and I notice their progress daily.
Today I glanced out the window to see if there was any activity and I saw...what appeared to be a bloke taking a dump on a tree. Trousers around his ankles, doing some sort of...er...anal gymnastics, possibly wiping his arse. Charming.
We all get caught short sometimes. Not the first time I've gone au naturelle. But why couldn't he use the copse of trees where he could get some privacy? He was defecating in open ground, the middle of the field, next to a fecking footpath FFS, in plain view of the houses below.
It was strangely mesmerising.
Next time I went upstairs again, I couldn't help watch what else he was doing.
There are drainage problems on that bit of the field. There is a standpipe that leaks at the top of the hill, that shouldn't be there, but is very useful. The owner of that plot has been terracing the hill and putting in drainage measures. He used a mini digger to make the terraces and so cut through the colluvial subsoil and solid clay geology below. Now these layers outcrop as stripes in his cutting, because it's on a hill. This means the water from the standpipe accumulates on the clay and soaks through the subsoil. So the drainage ditch and pond at the bottom of his plot are useless.
The bloke was a young chap, I'm assuming maybe the owners son. He spent all morning (when he wasn't creatively defecating) lollygagging (yes, I've been waiting months to legitimately use that term). He would casually mattock a bit of clay, then stand around looking puzzled, followed by a half hour break to wonder why the fuck he was doing this when he'd clearly rather be doing something else.
Poor chap hadn't got a clue what he was doing as the whole project is doomed to failure due to the geology.
NB. my brother and I snaffled a water butt from the abandoned allotment down the road to donate to the new guy and my brother dropped it with him this afternoon. I couldn't approach him today as I just had the image of his son taking a dump in the middle of the field.
