The thing is I suffer tremendously on a daily basis. It's horrific 10/10 anguish and I'm completely hopeless when it comes to recovery. However I somehow still manage to stay in touch with quite a lot of old friends who know me from just a year ago when I was a super upbeat and popular guy. So I somehow still profit from my past self's social achievements. And whenever I pop a benzo which makes me minimally more functional and able to meet someone I immediatly start clinging to life again instead of seeing it as a process of letting go. That makes CTB even more dificult bc I have all these ongoing relationships distracting me from my goal of ending my life. I imagine that withdrawing from your social circle might make this easier. On the other hand it makes the weeks/months/years leading up to the act even more lonely and miserable. I'm interested in your thoughts about this paradox.
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ThatGuyOverThere
David Benatar Enjoyer
- Apr 25, 2024
- 80
Friend have that kind of effect on people, we humans rely on other people as motivation to continue, we are hard wired to need the companionship of others. Though this can be defeated if one want's to, but that is a hard prosses that takes years of isolation and learning to deal with you're own thoughts.
So yes you are less likely to feel suicidal with a friend group, because you feel a primal need to survive for there benefit, not for your own. It's just remaining survival instincts form our hunter gathering days.
So yes you are less likely to feel suicidal with a friend group, because you feel a primal need to survive for there benefit, not for your own. It's just remaining survival instincts form our hunter gathering days.
nihilistic_dragon
Student
- Aug 6, 2024
- 188
I know exactly what you mean. Humans are social creatures, so it is only natural.
But even when I feel that surge of hope/energy after hanging out with someone nice, it is only momentary. The sad reality kicks right back in.
But even when I feel that surge of hope/energy after hanging out with someone nice, it is only momentary. The sad reality kicks right back in.
Yeah it's like short vacation from hell, they go back about their buisness and I go back to misery.
kunikuzushi
sause
- Jan 24, 2023
- 222
I only have one friend irl that knows a lot about me. But I have a bad habit of making a lot of acquaintances who I spend time with regularly, and I think it really does make ctb more difficult
You always want to squeeze out just a few more nice hours with them.
Yes, generally you are describing having support which makes life more worth living. That's a good thing that people value you and you have people that support you and you start wanting to live more.
On the other hand, it's very easy for people to commit suicide if they don't have any support.
You should reach out to your friends and other supports more because that's an option for you.
I am thankful for the support but sadly my problems are so far advanced that I don't have hope of recovery and try to muster up the courage for cbt. My friends let me kling to the old times, my old self that's gone for ever.
nihilistic_dragon
Student
- Aug 6, 2024
- 188
Looool yes, exactly! And I am pretty good at wearing the happy mask, so most of them don't even know how dark my thoughts really are.
Formula is= You know your true thoughts. That it can't get better?
Then I pop that benzo and woooohooooo
It's funny to laugh about the person and things I used to do but it's not my life now. You definitely aren't alone I'll tell you that.
But if you're not as much of an idiot as me you can get off the benzo and probably ā¦live a normal life maybe (idk just trying not to make things worse
Then I pop that benzo and woooohooooo
It's funny to laugh about the person and things I used to do but it's not my life now. You definitely aren't alone I'll tell you that.
But if you're not as much of an idiot as me you can get off the benzo and probably ā¦live a normal life maybe (idk just trying not to make things worse
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BlazingBob
I'm still here b/c of my dogs
- Oct 28, 2021
- 590
I'm extremely isolated because I'm disabled and just don't have the energy to socialize. I used to be a teacher and was always doing social things until I got sick. Aside from bill collectors my phone never rings. When you're sick people move on. Being so alone definitely makes planning ctb easier. It would be a lot harder if I had an actual social network.
Yes I became chronically ill too in a short timespan. It makes everything so much more difficult when you miss your old healthy self.
Lookingtoflyfree
Experienced
- Jan 11, 2024
- 236
So well put. I have autism so social anything is extremely tough, but occasionally over the years I'll meet someone and we'll briefly be friends or have a relationship. They all go away. The autism dragon scares them and I am just back to being completely alone - if I go to a store, that's the social interaction for the day. I've tried to message people but they all just act like I'm dead and never contact me back. I get it now.
Finding out people you thought were friends saw you as a work buddy or just an easy fuck is worse than a breakup. I don't expect everyone to like me but the few people I did? I see I was just a hole and nothing more.
For me I say minimize any interactions with friends, and find places to get just enough social connection to keep going while you plan your CTB. My ideal would be to find ONE friend who has similar plans to end it. I also try to go to events and occasionally will talk to people to get enough 'social contact' to feel somewhat functional while I work on my escape plan, or maybe go to talks or some kind of not weird hippie church so I can top up my social battery and run home.
I tell myself I am an alien just preparing for my journey back to my home planet to console myself. I'm not lonely, I just never belonged here. I did really, really try and make it work, but it's time to go back home and off myself and feel my freedom, finally.
Temporal_Anchorite
wanting outta this bitch
- Sep 23, 2022
- 120
As of now, I literally have no one. If it weren't for me going into the office 5 days a week, I would be completely socially isolated. And even when I'm at work, I don't interact with a single soul.
Does it make it easier to CTB? 100%. Problem is, I'm still a little bitch who's afraid I might fuck up blowing my own brains out.
Does it make it easier to CTB? 100%. Problem is, I'm still a little bitch who's afraid I might fuck up blowing my own brains out.
I'm sorry. Yeah the fear of failure makes an already miserable situation even worse. I honestly can't believe that I'm still unable to act, after all the horrors I've been through. Somehow the worse it gets the more difficult it is for me to seriously attempt.
Props for.your Rabbits profile pic though. Great stuff. Inland Empire used to be my favourite movie.
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