Discussion Does it have to be impulsive?

[Miserable]

I'm pretty sure I want to die. I'm tired of my life and don't have much hope. But its always easy for me to think "what if" and try to stick around a little longer. For someone who isn't physically ill and in constant pain, I feel like its rationally hard to ctb. I used to have a helium kit set up and now I think I need to do it again, precisely for the reason I was semi-forced to get rid of it; if I have I can do it impulsively in a moment of madness. I think maybe people need to think about that. Between a survival instinct and the irrational possibility of hope, maybe waiting for the moment of utter despair, even though it will pass, is the right way to go.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I think maybe people need to think about that. Between a survival instinct and the irrational possibility of hope, maybe waiting for the moment of utter despair, even though it will pass, is the right way to go.

I am thinking about it.......

I have considered for some time but still had much unresolved when I made attempts in such moments and failed (partials, a poor exit bag with propane). Fortunately, these were methods I could back out of without injury when the SI kicked in.

So I continued in my process, and realized there were some things I hadn't yet considered which my semi-impulsiveness would have left unaddressed.

I continued in my process and considered them.

I finally came to the conclusion that it is outside of my control to impact the the things I considered, so a more impulsive action would not have left things worse.

It's a relief to know my semi-impulsiveness would have not had worse impacts, but I also have benefitted from the time to process the decision more deeply.

Regarding "the irrational impossibility of hope," reminds me of the impulse to return to an abuser, called slot-machining, making an investment in hope that has repeatedly proven does not pay off.

Good ponderings in the post. Enjoyed the challenge to think.

 

[Dwnwrdsprl]

I went through periods of being 'pretty sure' and then they passed and I was glad for the parts of life I was there for afterwards. However, I now know I want to die and the feeling has not passed for over 6 months now. I personally, don't believe it's the right time to do it impulsively but, 'the right time' is extremely subjective.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Sometimes I think that if I don't do it impulsively I'll never have the guts to do it. But I don't know if ctbing when you get home after a bad day is a good idea although you had the ctb idea for long time in mind.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

If you think it'll succeed and you think you've planned well enough, it could be done impulsively. Suicide is mostly done with at least a little bit of impulse. Like a push.

 

[jusbug]

I've got the rope with slip knot ready, i don't know exactly when i am going to kill myself but i do know when the exact moment to CTB comes i will know it and will not let myself down, i made peace with my death, i am ready.

 

[Dylan]

I've tried partial several times. I'd say I can feel myself passing out 40% of the times I attempt it, but my survival instinct always kicks in.

 

[k75]

I think it should never be impulsive. It should be well thought out and you shouldn't have any doubts about doing it. I think if there are doubts, there's always some sort of hope left deep inside you, and you should listen to that. Plus, impulsive attempts often fail.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

I'm struggling with this right now.

I can't decide whether or not to buy the means to keep in the house or if that's too risky when my ideation rears its ugly head.

 

[TheEndof]

I'm pretty sure I want to die. I'm tired of my life and don't have much hope. But its always easy for me to think "what if" and try to stick around a little longer. For someone who isn't physically ill and in constant pain, I feel like its rationally hard to ctb. I used to have a helium kit set up and now I think I need to do it again, precisely for the reason I was semi-forced to get rid of it; if I have I can do it impulsively in a moment of madness. I think maybe people need to think about that. Between a survival instinct and the irrational possibility of hope, maybe waiting for the moment of utter despair, even though it will pass, is the right way to go.

I'm in the same boat. I know I will likely not have the guts to do it unless I am going though a moment of intense pain.Though I find that it takes very little to set me off into complete despair nowadays, so I don't think it will take much in the end. It's not that I am unsure or that there is rational hope either, which makes it all the more frustrating. As calm as I am now, I know ctb is the right thing. It's just going through with it that has proven to be quite difficult.

 

[Rhyme]

As k75 said, I also think it should never be impulsive. You should be in a calm mood and mind when you finally make the decision and CTB. I also think; for most people; even a calm and planned attempt is scary as hell. It's the end of everything you know for certain, and off to the next stage, whatever that may be. With lots of methods it just takes a few moments of courage, and that's scary in its own right. It is quite literally the most important decision one can make in their life.

Impulsiveness is difficult though. I had a rule I got from another website that if I ever get the urge, I'll wait a week and if I still have the will I'll do it then. On a real nasty day once I broke the rule and instead flipped a coin. In hindsight, that was a massive mistake and you should never leave such an important decision to chance. But when you're in the depths of despair it's hard to see clearly.