Venting Does it get better? Not always.

[Storyteller]

So I can't help but coming back to the Tantacrul video about this site and read through the comments. The majority agrees with him and everyone, even who have been through tough times says "it's gonna get better". Is it?
I wish they try to think and at least rephrase it to "it's gonna get better if put an effort into it" since obviously you have to do a lot considering how damaged you are may it be mentally, physically or materialistically wise (or a mix). But if your state is severe: you have depression along with others mental problems which makes things more difficult, you physically incapable, have a harder time to fit in socially or broke and such, than how, HOW can you improve your life? You'll be struggling and you'll be struggling a lot.
So reasonable solution would be ask for help, right? It can be family, friends, your partner...unless they are helpful. But what if not? What if you don't have trustworthy friends nor a partner, what if your parents are hateful and treat you poorly to say it lightly.
Then turn to therapy. Wouldn't it be a Russian roulette? You can end up with a bad professional who wouldn't be able to help you at all or even make it worse. Or how about that doctors are humans too, so it can be a hard job for them to do (referring to that their mental state can deteriorate). They can't help everyone, because every case is unique and some really find it impossible to enjoy life. They wouldn't be able to treat you for long because recovery can take a lot of time. Would they even bother to have you for that long or they after some time prescribe you medication and let you go because you are not the only one with problems.
People advocating for life should be able to see things in bigger perspective and not just say generic stuff, it doesn't help. Advertise seeking for help, but check the sources and stuff if they are really helpful so we wouldn't be the one suffering the consequences of poor choices. We already had enough.

 

[orca87]

This is so relatable.

I improved my life significantly during the last year. I put all the effort in and was surprised by my own energy and discipline.

I did this no matter how I felt. And I felt bad.

However, I reached a point where I can't enjoy my successes anymore because whatever will happen never will replace what I've lost, no matter how hard I try, no matter what might or might not still come.

I cannot accept where I am at in life, no matter how hard I try to accept or to improve

Its over

 

[FuneralCry]

There is simply no point to reading that pro life garbage, it just won't achieve anything. The fact is that in this world everybody deserves the right to die no matter the circumstances, if people love life so much then that is fine for them, they can enjoy being tortured by old age but it's really repulsive to force those beliefs onto other people and invalidate all of the suffering that exists here in this world.

Some people are trapped in hopeless situations and many others just don't want to stay here no matter what, this is reality and people should just accept it. Not everyone has to stay alive just because some people want to, there is absolutely nothing wrong with suicide, when to leave this world is a personal choice that can only be made by the individual.

 

[Storyteller]

This is so relatable.

I improved my life significantly during the last year. I put all the effort in and was surprised by my own energy and discipline.

I did this no matter how I felt. And I felt bad.

However, I reached a point where I can't enjoy my successes anymore because whatever will happen never will replace what I've lost, no matter how hard I try, no matter what might or might not still come.

I cannot accept where I am at in life, no matter how hard I try to accept or to improve

Its over

I'm sorry to hear that you couldn't be happy after all. Hopefully you can find peace in the end

 

[orca87]

I'm sorry to hear that you couldn't be happy after all. Hopefully you can find peace in the end

Thanks. I hope so, too.
Part of me is still waiting for that wonder of "you never know, maybe something good will happen"… feels like brainwash

 

[Storyteller]

There is simply no point to reading that pro life garbage, it just won't achieve anything. The fact is that in this world everybody deserves the right to die no matter the circumstances, if people love life so much then that is fine for them, they can enjoy being tortured by old age but it's really repulsive to force those beliefs onto other people and invalidate all of the suffering that exists here in this world.

Some people are trapped in hopeless situations and many others just don't want to stay here no matter what, this is reality and people should just accept it. Not everyone has to stay alive just because some people want to, there is absolutely nothing wrong with suicide, when to leave this world is a personal choice that can only be made by the individual.

Agreed. We want freedom from unnecessary suffering. You don't help when you stop us. I for instance feel like I'm worthless and just being a nuisance to people, so that's why I want to ctb. It would help me stop feeling horrible and others from taking unbearable baggage in form of me.

 

[Disappointered]

I didn't watch that idiot's video but the answer to the common question "does it get better" is almost always, no.

 

[lethargic]

Thing is, for most people, things always *do* get better. This truth is evident by itself - there are people who break up from a lifelong relationship, people who lose limbs, people who even lose their own beloved children to death. And yet, they always seem to build themselves back up, slowly but surely, and eventually move on with their lives.

So when most people say "it gets better" -- they genuinely are incapable of understanding otherwise. How they and us experience life is radically different because our mood baselines are, I can imagine, perpetually and always lower. A healthy person's mood on an average day is "alright", a depressed person's mood on an average day is dogshit. An average person is doing just okay on most days, but you have to fight tooth & nail to feel 'just okay'. We got fucked by biology, and this is a major disconnect on why a lot of non-depressed people are simply incapable of understanding depression for what it is. I don't blame them either, because how could they understand? We are wired differently.

 

[ablationaaa457]

I wonder if there's a certain selection bias in the whole "it gets better" statement. There's a good chance that many of those for whom it didn't get better simply don't have the chance to share their story for various reasons. Lethargic does also make an excellent point with how the brains of depressed people are simply wired differently. I also like their graph because there's a cyclical element to it; it may get better, but sometimes it may also go worse, which feels more realistic than people just parroting the phrase "it gets better".

Personally I think that it is fine for people to advise for professional help, but they should also recognize the potential pitfalls of therapy and understand that it's not some magic cure-all pill. And of course, you are right in that someone's own family and "friends" (I put friends in brackets here because those sort of people aren't true friends) may very well be detrimental. Blanket statements and advice are fine to make if it's from a stranger, but they do not have the right to get offended if someone points out their inaccuracies.