Discussion Does it frighten you that you might not CTB?

[Forever Sleep]

It frightens me that I may never have the courage to actually go ahead with it. Then, I wonder what life will throw at me instead. When will my health start to falter? How long will I be able to keep and do my job? Will I be able to get another job? I doubt either will be enough to amass much of a pension. When will the money run out? What will I do then?

It all seems horrific. I suppose it just cements in my mind that I can't let it drag on that long. One way or another, I'm going to have to make my escape.

 

[zulcywulcy]

It frightens me that I may never have the courage to actually go ahead with it. Then, I wonder what life will throw at me instead. When will my health start to falter? How long will I be able to keep and do my job? Will I be able to get another job? I doubt either will be enough to amass much of a pension. When will the money run out? What will I do then?

It all seems horrific. I suppose it just cements in my mind that I can't let it drag on that long. One way or another, I'm going to have to make my escape.

used to think the same a few years ago but now here i am, about to attempt in less then 8 hours. Hope it gets better for u

 

[zekeyaeger]

Yes, this is my fear too. I have all the resources for CTB and yet SI fucks me over. Like a part of me that is not rational at all and just has a "hope" for a better existence.

 

[Forever Sleep]

used to think the same a few years ago but now here i am, about to attempt in less then 8 hours. Hope it gets better for u

Thank you for your well wishes. I hope that you are able to find peace with whatever decision you come to. I'm sorry life brought you to this point.

 

[Namelesa]

It does scare me that I am trapped here by my parents and that I may have to continue my suffering with no way of being able to ctb until maybe my parents die but my sister or other siblings could just trap me instead. I worry life is just going to make me feel more and more empty as time passes. Why can't I just have the freedom of being able to die when life becomes too much for me?

 

[NoPoint2Life]

Sooooo much. It's it's like I am afraid of so many things in the future and at the same time I'm also in denial if that makes any sense. I dread what's to come, but I don't know if I'll ever have the courage to ctb.
I was half asleep before I started reading this thread, but it actually made me anxious.

 

[HereWeGo!]

It frightens me that I may never have the courage to actually go ahead with it. Then, I wonder what life will throw at me instead. When will my health start to falter? How long will I be able to keep and do my job? Will I be able to get another job? I doubt either will be enough to amass much of a pension. When will the money run out? What will I do then?

It all seems horrific. I suppose it just cements in my mind that I can't let it drag on that long. One way or another, I'm going to have to make my escape.

I can really relate to that. I want/need to CTB pretty soon because I'm at the moment away from work because of my mental state. But I feel I'll never be able to come back to work again. SI is really a bitch.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Fucking terrified

It's all on me. Just as no one was able to help me in life, no one can help me with this.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Yes, this frightens me a lot. People tend to be afraid of death but, in my case, I'm afraid of life. I'm afraid of the future that I'd have to endure in this hellscape. I want to be free and I want to get rid of this fear that I have regarding life. I'm terrified of living longer in this life all because I can't ctb

 

[CatLvr]

Nope. Not at all. I will know when it's time. Until then I will do exactly what I have done all my life -- try to help those I can and make the best of what is a kinda screwed up thing called life.

used to think the same a few years ago but now here i am, about to attempt in less then 8 hours. Hope it gets better for u

I hope you find peace quickly and painlessly as possible. If you have second thoughts, don't feel like a failure. Just come on back. We will be here for you.

 

[Opera]

Genuinely I fear it. I hate I have SI and don't have SN currently, and not having a painless way to go is making me so anxious and scared. I want to have a way out.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Sooooo much. It's it's like I am afraid of so many things in the future and at the same time I'm also in denial if that makes any sense. I dread what's to come, but I don't know if I'll ever have the courage to ctb.
I was half asleep before I started reading this thread, but it actually made me anxious.

I'm so sorry for making you anxious before bed.

 

[JustA_LittlePerson]

I'm terrified someone will convince me to stay. I'm scared of dying. But what I used to fear most was me going on like this and becoming something worse. The thought of someone likeme having children for example disgusted me. Like really disgusted me. It's repulsive really but now I don't find it that bad. It's scary

 

[NoPoint2Life]

I'm so sorry for making you anxious before bed.

Don't worry about it, I go to bed way too early anyway so hopefully this will keep me up a bit later!

 

[Defenestration]

It frightens me that I may never have the courage to actually go ahead with it. Then, I wonder what life will throw at me instead. When will my health start to falter? How long will I be able to keep and do my job? Will I be able to get another job? I doubt either will be enough to amass much of a pension. When will the money run out? What will I do then?

It all seems horrific. I suppose it just cements in my mind that I can't let it drag on that long. One way or another, I'm going to have to make my escape.

I think all thé same.
I know its hard

 

[L'absent]

Bah... I have no fear and no survival instinct. It annoys me every day that I have to spend here in this world with all its absurdities and idiotic people who think that life is who knows what beautiful and exciting thing. As soon as I finish everything I will disappear forever.

 

[TheHolySword]

Mortified of living, terrified of dying. Too weak to live, don't have the strength to die. Life's a funny thing. At this point I cannot even imagine a life where I live, I don't know what I'll do if I don't CTB. I destroyed my life to get here, if I don't die then I'm not gonna have a life worth living.

 

[Forveleth]

I don't fear it because I know if life gets bad enough it will push me over the edge. It happened twice and I'm only here because my attempts failed. I used to fear the future and what could happen but then I realized that I have an instant out the moment things get too bad.

As a gamer, the thought "Finger on the Eject Button" from Disco Elysium has kind of become my life philosophy. I'm here until the day I've had enough and I won't worry about what happens after that because I'll be gone.

Finger on the Eject Button

Finger on the Eject Button is a thought in Disco Elysium. Who doesn't toy with the thought of suicide sometimes? Or, like, most of the time? Okay, maybe some people don't – like the happy scientist girl named Marie, or Jean-Marc, the superstar whom everyone loves. But you -- when the going gets...

discoelysium.fandom.com

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

they made it extremely difficult to kill yourself if you want to or need to . they made it a crime for anyone to help you so you are on your own and have do it in secret with risky diy suicide methods and hope no one finds you . and you have to defeat si.

it would be a million times easier and more reliable if i could call someone over to shoot me in the head. it could be a friend or someone i pay but only if it would still be legal to help you with suicide. it's not legal it's a crime to help anyone with suicide .

it was legal until they passed laws to make assisted suicide a crime.

They stole our right to move away from excruciating unbearable pain

everyone needs to have a guaranteed , painless , easy , quick, immediate way out of this hell called life if they choose to whenever they choose to . but they stole that most important right and to move away from extreme pain. also they stole the right to own your own body to do with it what you want like kill it if you want to no you can't they're saying they own us and they do because we are not free if we cannot leave anytime we want to when we want to in a guaranteed , painless , quick , easy way. the tech has been there for a long time . but they made everything guaranteed and painless crimes that could get you out of this evil prison hell nightmare.

here in the U.S. guns are legal so it's ridiculously easy and guaranteed for a person to kill another with a gun .

it would be like setting up a real estate transfer or electrical repair or mobile notary service.

Ever Deeper Honesty

How to reduce/prevent/eliminate suffering, and get ever-deeper freedom/peace/love/bliss, and “That”.

www.everdeeperhonesty.com

 

[Trakehner]

Very much. My goal is to die next year, but I currently have no access to a reliable method. Should that not change, I will suffer indefinitely and for no good reason. Life has no meaning.

 

[ScaredOfMachines]

I am terrified to fail again. I have obtained my SN and plan to use it after Christmas, but I'm not sure what I'll do if I live through it. I have nothing to look forward to, and everything around me is slowly collapsing in on itself.

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

I'm not sure if I would use the word frighten in my case. In fact, I am not sure what word to use here at all.

But yes, I relate. I wonder how much more my life can deteriorate. I wonder how much more suffering I can endure without going completely insane. I wonder what will happen if I don't get hold of N or SN now and it becomes impossible to get that stuff. I wonder how much more shittier the world around me can get. I wonder so many things.

So yes, I guess I am not frightened. I just wonder.