serah
Student
- May 6, 2020
- 177
I joined this site almost two years ago, when I was at my lowest in my recent years. I was constantly thinking about suicide and was actively planning ways to ctb. It was terrible, in the midst of it all my family had found out I had been cutting once again after "stopping" about 5-6 years ago. I felt like I hit rock bottom, and was just slowly making my way out of it. Still felt suicidal but I began taking medication and opened up to friends who were willing to listen.
Here I am about 4-5 months after and I now feel so fucking pathetic for thinking my life was starting to improve. After on and off cuts here and there I'm back to doing it daily and obsessing over how deep I can go. I feel like shit around friends and feel as if It'd be better if I wasn't here at all. Where the fuck did I go wrong, I was starting to feel good and now I'm contemplating trying to live a meaningful life since I feel I'll be dead in the next couple of years. I just feel so fucking frustrated. Should I just ctb if the rest of my life will be a constant yo-yo between feeling better and then depression ruining my life.
Here I am about 4-5 months after and I now feel so fucking pathetic for thinking my life was starting to improve. After on and off cuts here and there I'm back to doing it daily and obsessing over how deep I can go. I feel like shit around friends and feel as if It'd be better if I wasn't here at all. Where the fuck did I go wrong, I was starting to feel good and now I'm contemplating trying to live a meaningful life since I feel I'll be dead in the next couple of years. I just feel so fucking frustrated. Should I just ctb if the rest of my life will be a constant yo-yo between feeling better and then depression ruining my life.