Does having SN give you peace of mind?

[rs929]

I would like to know, from those of you that bought SN but have not yet decided to use it, what was the effect on your psyche after finally having it delivered. Did you feel relieved to have a way out at hand, or you feel at unease having it so close to you?

This post was worded in a different manner before and it got deleted, hope it is okay now. I just want to gather experiences and testimonials.

 

[sadalways]

Not really feeling any different, worse or better. It's like having any other lethal item in the house for me.

 

[ForeverCaHa]

Mine arrived today and if anything it's confirmed my commitment to this plan. If things worked out a bit differently I'd be using it this week, but with other things going on I need to wait a few more weeks.
I have had moments of "oh geez there's a box of poison in my drawer" but those thoughts have been pretty short-lived. Mostly just impatient now!

 

[Sbetto]

I have had SN since December 23, 2024, still sealed in its original packaging. In the first few weeks, I thought I had made a mistake buying it and wanted to get rid of it, thinking I no longer wanted to CTB. Now I'm glad I have it. I feel relieved knowing I have an easy and painless way out compared to other methods. Day by day, things keep getting worse and will continue to get worse if I wait for a miracle, but I know that won't happen. Now I'm proud of the choice I made on the day of purchase, even though I acted impulsively at the time. I'm happy to be able to use it whenever and wherever I want, and soon I will. I'm so tired of all this.

 

[zawmbite]

i don't currently have SN and i won't be able to get it for a while, but i imagine having it would ease my emotions at least somewhat

 

[Saturn_]

It gave me peace of mind until I actually tried acting on it and attempting suicide. So I guess I was always just cruising by off a false sense of security. I still want to die, but don't think I could ever attempt using that stuff again.

 

[Valhala]

I have read many posts of forum members in which they wrote how the arrival of SN gave them some kind of peace and tranquility. That is quite true, the feeling that you have such a relatively fast and relatively peaceful outlet is certainly something that calms you down, especially because day by day it is becoming more difficult to get to SN. The restrictive policies of many governments in terms of traffic of SN make procurement more and more complicated and I would not be at all surprised if SN becomes unavailable one day, almost like N.

 

[rs929]

It gave me peace of mind until I actually tried acting on it and attempting suicide. So I guess I was always just cruising by off a false sense of security. I still want to die, but don't think I could ever attempt using that stuff again.

I'm sorry you went through that. It must have felt really awful. Sometimes when I entertain the idea of suicide I wonder if I'm just losing my time because I might be not be capable of going forward with it

 

[Saturn_]

I'm sorry you went through that. It must have felt really awful. Sometimes when I entertain the idea of suicide I wonder if I'm just losing my time because I might be not be capable of going forward with it

It's okay friend, it's not your fault. I just believe the most realistic and pragmatic answer here is that suicide is always going to be scary and difficult to approach, as you are literally defying your most basic and driving instinct to survive, and that it should be treated as your very last resort. The truth is, you always will be struggling with this idea until the very end. Living and dying are equally as taxing on the psyche. I hope you won't end up peering over the very edge of life like I did. It's whimsical and reassuring to suggest that you don't have to have anything to do with life if you don't want to, and that you could train yourself to have that kind of courage. But instinct is probably the one thing you can never take away from a person. I hope your struggle with being alive becomes more bearable than your struggle with finding death. I don't know what you're dealing with in life, I just came back to this forum, but my DMs are open. I want to at least try and be there.

 

[FrenzyReality341]

I think its good to have, especially as its getting harder to get. I mean if DMC went down then it gets much harder to get.

 

[Crash_Bash_Dash]

When I feel hopeless and disturbed and tired of my life and condition I feel pretty good for having it sitting there in the cupboard but when actually thinking of using it I get terrified and think "That would end it all... Even the path to recovery if there's a way. And how about preparation for it and loved ones? ... etc." and then just hit my head on the wall (figuratively) and forget about it. My mind tries it all to bargain me for not using it.

It is really like a double-edged sword there for the psyche: Very effective for fighting back the hopelessness with the sense of relief that there is a possible relatively peaceful way out when it's used properly but also hard to handle for your mind when you start to consider everything that comes up when you really use it (all the preparation, readiness, confidence you need for jumping into unknown (death and what comes after that) that need to be there in place when attempting to use it) and that will make you frustrated and distressed every time you think about it when you don't meet those standards.

 

[Dante_]

I have an easy and painless way out compared to other methods.

I'd call it "Moderately" peaceful, never made sense to call it painless when it doesn't account for individual reactions, conditions etc..

 

[Sbetto]

I'd call it "Moderately" peaceful, never made sense to call it painless when it doesn't account for individual reactions, conditions etc..

I know, you're right, but I prefer SN 10,000 times over other more brutal methods where SI prevails more, like hanging or jumping into the void.

 

[Dante_]

I know, you're right, but I prefer SN 10,000 times over other more brutal methods where SI prevails more, like hanging or jumping into the void.

Yeah can't disagree there, it does fit a particular niche, everyone has what they prefer to deal with regarding the method, it's level of discomfort and ease of implementation.

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

It gives me some piece of mind in the sense that I have a means of suicide that's relatively simple and shouldn't be too painful.

On the other hand, the thought of drinking the gross saltwater and all the uncertainty of what comes next is scary, and I'm sad that I'll be dead.