Discussion Does everyone take comfort in knowing they control their life by being suicidal

[issyishere]

Hey guys! Hope some of you remember me. I'm back! So anyway I've been struggling with really bad OCD and I fear losing my mind or going crazy. It's gotten so bad it's debilitating, just this morning I was curled up in bed nauseous from anxiety that I was losing my mind. I visited this forum and holy shit is this a cure. I feel at ease knowing I can leave this world anytime if it becomes too much. I ordered SN a year ago I kept in a hidden cool area. I feel really at ease right now and was wondering if this site is therapeutic for anyone else in the same way?

 

[darksideofthebright]

Welcome back! I'm so sorry to hear that you have been struggling so much. That really sounds so difficult. I hope things will start to get more tolerable for you soon!

I think the best part about SS for me is that I'm able to talk to people here about my struggles with suicidal thoughts without being judged or misunderstood. There's something sad but comforting about knowing that there are people who can genuinely relate to your stories. Talking to those who understand your struggles is so much better than talking to those who will just tell you the same generic off-the-book things like "Life will get better", "Time will heal all", "You have so much to live for", etc.

Also, knowing that I've secured a ctb method as a safety net to fall onto when things gets out of hands also allows me to focus on other things in life. So yes, SS will always have a special place in my heart.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Yes you feel trapped if you are suffering or will suffer and there is no way out .So having a way out of that trap gives one hope that you will not suffer in the future.

 

[issyishere]

Yes you feel trapped if you are suffering or will suffer and there is no way out .So having a way out of that trap gives one hope that you will not suffer in the future.

Absolutely this. I felt like the walls were closing in and I was doomed to live a horrible life. Ever since i've come back I feel at ease knowing I'm still in control. People who hate on SS do not know what they are talking about. Suicidal ideation literally calms me down more than weed and antidepressants combined. I've pretty much settled I'm leaving in the coming months and I'm the most at ease ever in my life.

 

[LonelyDude15]

Being able to talk about suicide openly and having an option on me are both very calming in my opinion. I also like the anonimity of the site, it allows me to to express more taboo opinions without having my name or face attached to it

 

[AutoTap]

Yeh, I like knowing that if things get to bad I go. I also like being able to talking on this forum because well can't say most things that need to be let out in therapy or will end up in psych ward

 

[RepressedMind]

Death used to be a big relief for me, almost comforting, because at any point I could just end my life and all my problems would go away with it.

 

[enter.the.void]

For me, death is the ultimate escape from this dystopian nightmare called reality. Its comforting to have a final exit if things get worse with all this covid-1984 madness; with all this mandatory vaccination, total surveillance and social alienation.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Definitely, it's just nice to know that I have my SN lying in waiting even if I don't plan to use it for at least a couple years. It's like having an emergency fund for natural disasters imo.

 

[Kat!]

This reminds me of a great plot from the movie "No Country For Old Men".
Besides the regular plot, there is a very vague, but confronting message behind the film. Our main character, Anton Chigurh, plays by a set of moral (or immoral) principles.
It is in his decisions that I personally believe he is at odds with fate, and that he is going down every path he can, despite the odds, controlling every situation he can, as best he can. Instead of letting fate control him, or guide him, he uses fate in his actions, and oddly seems to know what may or may not happen.
In this I feel a very familiar feeling, that I control my destiny. So yes, I definitely share this feeling. Because at the end of the road, I will finally be happy.

 

[clocktower]

welcome back! i really relate to your post, my OCD has completely consumed me and life is terrifying every day. i'm glad you can get some comfort out of being in control! unfortunately i don't have a method available to me right now so i don't feel that control, although just fantasising about CBT and browsing the site does help. it's just nice to feel like i'm not crazy for once. wishing you well.

 

[Sakura94]

I visited this forum and holy shit is this a cure. I feel at ease knowing I can leave this world anytime if it becomes too much.

I think a lot of us feel this way. We've been powerless for so long we're getting total control over the one thing that belongs to us the most.