Venting does appearance matter?

[dump224477]

Hello, first time putting up a thread, but i need someones opinion on this (and kind of need to vent). I've been in a online relationship for 1yr< and we plan on meeting up soon. I'm very hesitant because of my body, i'm short and overweight, i also have a very bad relationship with food and my eating habits are horrible. Lately i've relasped due to my body and i feel so alone since i cant tell my boyfriend either of those. It sounds so stupid thing but my weight has been taking over my life, ive been overweight my entire life and its making me very suicidal that i still have not lost the weight. im embarrassed, ashamed, and constantly want to harm myself. my boyfriend says he's accepting of everything about me but, hes made fun of overweight people before, so thats one of the main reasons im terrified of meeting up with him. I have shown him pictures of my face but never of my body, he calls me perfect and he knows how insecure i am and says he doesnt care about looks anyway, but i think otherwise (purely based on overthinking). I don't want to go into major detail, but i would really appreciate it if i could PM someone about this conversation, just seriously need to vent.

Also, sorry if im putting this in the wrong thread topic, i mentioned SH and suicide so im assuming.
Thank you if you read,

 

[Pancake]

I had someone I loved dearly. I fell in love with them because of their personality, but their looks left much to be desired, until it didn't. They were also overweight, but I loved them so much that it began to feel lecherous even to look at them. I don't think it's the case of me getting used to how they look. I loved them for who they were which made me adore how they looked as well. Them just being themself was the most attractive thing they could ever do and it continued to smite me to no end.

I hope you'll allow me to grieve a little, this person is no longer with me and it pains me a lot. I hope you find happiness together and I hope this eases your worries.

Also, there's a drop-down menu on the left side of the thread title. Before you post the thread*

 

[Amakishiyo]

Depends on the individual but really you should be honest before you meet up or it could end in even more disappointment and sadness. For some people only personality matters and looks, especially being overweight are things that can be changed too, some can't overlook that and it's fine too to have preferences, but you both should just be honest with each other, especially if you have never met before, else it's set out for disaster.

 

[Memoka]

You fear being rejected. Ok
What u can do about it?
1. Its not your decision. Let your partner decide it.
2. Its not your decision. Let your partner decide it.
3. Its not your decision. Let your partner decide it.
That simple, yes. Apperience matters a lot. But person much more than.
He can help with weight loss even if u want it. So i think.
Take care.

 

[dump224477]

I had someone I loved dearly. I fell in love with them because of their personality, but their looks left much to be desired, until it didn't. They were also overweight, but I loved them so much that it began to feel lecherous even to look at them. I don't think it's the case of me getting used to how they look. I loved them for who they were which made me adore how they looked as well. Them just being themself was the most attractive thing they could ever do and it continued to smite me to no end.

I hope you'll allow me to grieve a little, this person is no longer with me and it pains me a lot. I hope you find happiness together and I hope this eases your worries.

Also, there's a drop-down menu on the left side of the thread title. Before you post the thread*

Thank you for telling me how to do it!
Im very sorry about what happen to your loved one, this helped me calm down about my insecurities but i have to remember everyone is different. Wishing the best for you

Depends on the individual but really you should be honest before you meet up or it could end in even more disappointment and sadness. For some people only personality matters and looks, especially being overweight are things that can be changed too, some can't overlook that and it's fine too to have preferences, but you both should just be honest with each other, especially if you have never met before, else it's set out for disaster.

Hmm, i plan on losing enough weight to be in the "normal weight" bmi, but ive also been saying that for years… but i still believe its possible!

You fear being rejected. Ok
What u can do about it?
1. Its not your decision. Let your partner decide it.
2. Its not your decision. Let your partner decide it.
3. Its not your decision. Let your partner decide it.
That simple, yes. Apperience matters a lot. But person much more than.
He can help with weight loss even if u want it. So i think.
Take care.

it would be lovely to ask for his help on weight loss, im just far too ashamed.
Thanks for the reply!

 

[redbathingduck]

I can understand that it's really scary and that the fear of rejection is there, but I think it would be good to be honest with him before you meet up irl. If you have been in a relationship with this person for over a year I think it would be good to talk about your insecurities like this with him. Regardless of how it goes it could avoid a potentially awkward situation when you might not be the person he expected you to be because of you hiding your self. I hate to say it but appearance and attraction does matter for people so I think it would be best to be up front with him, as hard as it may be. People are cruel and insensitive and make jokes about sensitive topics insulting others, but I think for a lot of people they don't really think of what they're joking about or how that could affect someone and that doesn't necessarily mean he wouldn't accept you for who you are. Not really an excuse but I think it's good to give people the benefit of the doubt sometimes, especially someone so close to you. Sorry if this was just incoherent rambling

 

[dump224477]

I can understand that it's really scary and that the fear of rejection is there, but I think it would be good to be honest with him before you meet up irl. If you have been in a relationship with this person for over a year I think it would be good to talk about your insecurities like this with him. Regardless of how it goes it could avoid a potentially awkward situation when you might not be the person he expected you to be because of you hiding your self. I hate to say it but appearance and attraction does matter for people so I think it would be best to be up front with him, as hard as it may be. People are cruel and insensitive and make jokes about sensitive topics insulting others, but I think for a lot of people they don't really think of what they're joking about or how that could affect someone and that doesn't necessarily mean he wouldn't accept you for who you are. Not really an excuse but I think it's good to give people the benefit of the doubt sometimes, especially someone so close to you. Sorry if this was just incoherent rambling

Thank you for the reply!
I definitely will say something about my weight before we do meet if i fail to lose it.
Rambling is awesome btw

 

[Viranamari]

Unfortunately, it's really his choice. If he has a prejudice against overweight or underweight people then so be it. There is nothing that you can do to change his opinion. As important as appearance is, personality takes the first priority. However, your fear of being rejected is completely valid. Perhaps you can consider telling him your weight before you meet up. In the end, it depends on him. But at the same time, you shouldn't feel embarrassed of your weight. Hope this helps.

 

[dump224477]

Unfortunately, it's really his choice. If he has a prejudice against overweight or underweight people then so be it. There is nothing that you can do to change his opinion. As important as appearance is, personality takes the first priority. However, your fear of being rejected is completely valid. Perhaps you can consider telling him your weight before you meet up. In the end, it depends on him. But at the same time, you shouldn't feel embarrassed of your weight. Hope this helps.

Thank you, trying to tell myself i can be loved no matter what weight i am

 

[Myforevercharlie]

:) If I hear one more person tell me " you've got a pretty face, I like your personality, BUT, you need to loose weight, I swear I'm going to kick them. I'm always honest about not having a figure like Cindy C. in the 90:s, with that , I'm short so I look a bit like a female Michelin puppet.

Dear @dump224477 you are who you are. Even if you would grow a foot, and lost a lot of weight, would the inside you be different?

A little sidenote to this, about online dating. I do believe you can call in love online. But you won't know for sure until you have met. It's not only appearance. Apparently people " recognise ' their partner by smell. If someone's natural odor isn't attractive to you, it doesn't matter if you/ he/they look awesome. It won't work.

Wishing you much love

 

[FuneralCry]

It probably does to a lot of people, more than it should do, as many humans are so incredibly shallow. You just cannot rely on humans in this world as so many of them are just so cruel and insensitive.

 

[theboy]

It is hard to say but yes: Appearance matters

Sorry, in 1 year he doesn't know what you look like? You haven't sent him pictures?

 

[dump224477]

:) If I hear one more person tell me " you've got a pretty face, I like your personality, BUT, you need to loose weight, I swear I'm going to kick them. I'm always honest about not having a figure like Cindy C. in the 90:s, with that , I'm short so I look a bit like a female Michelin puppet.

Dear @dump224477 you are who you are. Even if you would grow a foot, and lost a lot of weight, would the inside you be different?

A little sidenote to this, about online dating. I do believe you can call in love online. But you won't know for sure until you have met. It's not only appearance. Apparently people " recognise ' their partner by smell. If someone's natural odor isn't attractive to you, it doesn't matter if you/ he/they look awesome. It won't work.

Wishing you much love

Geez, really needed this right now.
Your words are very much appreciated, currently in the worst conditions and struggling to accept myself, this makes me feel better. i hope he still does see me the same way once i show him

It is hard to say but yes: Appearance matters

Sorry, in 1 year he doesn't know what you look like? You haven't sent him pictures?

not full body pictures

It probably does to a lot of people, more than it should do, as many humans are so incredibly shallow. You just cannot rely on humans in this world as so many of them are just so cruel and insensitive.

does it matter to you?

 

[FuneralCry]

does it matter to you?

I don't think that human beings are attractive in any way no matter what they look like. So therefore, apperance means nothing to me, and anyway I've always wished to avoid other people. For me personally, apperance is completely meaningless as we are all just destined to decay from age and die anyway. Nothing ever lasts in this life.