Does anyone’s family or friend want you to die?

[Nerdyartist85]

I don't mean assumptions you've made; I mean verbally expressed it.

My mother once told me, "If you're going to try to kill your self, you better do it right."

Gee thanks mom. Anyone else can relate?

 

[Lunaemoth]

Not me... that's really crappy I'm sorry. Although, I admit I wish my mom would tell me to die. I could let go of some guilt and not worry about her stopping me. But I understand that's a really horrible thing for a mother to say. I'm sorry she said that to you.

 

[Kyrok]

I've expressed it many times to my wife & best friend (who is also my boss). Spring 2017 was exceptionally bad for me as I was both completely overloaded, having accepted FAR too many contracts and was in really bad pain from my scoliosis. My friend is amazingly understanding, accepting the legitimacy of my reasons. My wife expected me to pull out of it - as my depression is cyclical. All in all, their knowing has been good for me.

 

[Nerdyartist85]

Not me... that's really crappy I'm sorry. Although, I admit I wish my mom would tell me to die. I could let go of some guilt and not worry about her stopping me. But I understand that's a really horrible thing for a mother to say. I'm sorry she said that to you.

As bad as this is going to sound; I'm use to it. My parents have been verbally and mentally abusive to me since I was a child. They both have been manipulative and made me feel I couldn't make choices for myself, that I had to be their best friend / therapist when their marriage went to hell (and it often did), and they convinced me that I had to be dependent on them because I couldn't be an adult in their eyes.

Everything was my fault, but yet they never wanted me to move out when I got engaged. "Oh you can stay here forever; we prefer it this way" they would tell me daily.

 

[Xaphous]

I don't have any social contact with anyone except my own mother. When I said to others I want to kill myself to siblings, all older than me it was just like 'well go on then'. I know all my family don't care, whenever I see them we just grumble a 'hi' to each other, then that's it end of conversation, then maybe a 'bye' as they're leaving. They don't care I've suffered and been isolated my whole life, in fact it's a great excuse to project their anger and hatred on to me.

 

[Cromulus]

The other night my sister screamed in my face to kill myself over and over and that everyone would be better off and happier if I did it.

 

[MsM3talGamer]

They haven't told me to die as such. However, when I was a child my psycho dad would often threaten to kill me. He brainwashed me with the idea that I should die from a very early age. He would scream at me that he was going to kill me, strangle me, break my neck, etc.

 

[anelakapu]

A doctor at a psych facility i was sectioned in diagnosed me as borderline within 5 minutes of meeting me and said "dont you think its time to shit or get off the pot" in regards to killing myself. One time, specifically after being told to shit or get off the pot actually, i told my mom i was gonna go walk in to traffic and she was just like 'ok' lol , there's actually so many experiences of how little i matter, ive lost the ability to be upset or keep count. I think one of the reasons ive had such a hard time killing myself is because of how much people actually want it or how little a difference it would make if i were dead or alive. But now my taking up space is actually doing harm to people who dont deserve it, so its time to go.

 

[gingerplum]

I don't mean assumptions you've made; I mean verbally expressed it.

My mother once told me, "If you're going to try to kill your self, you better do it right."

Gee thanks mom. Anyone else can relate?

I think maybe your mom was just being glib, and speaking in generalities, not about you.

I've said that; what I mean is, a half-baked attempt to kill yourself could leave you a vegetable, a cardiac cripple, blind, a quadriplegic, with half a face, etc, etc.

No, I don't want to see you, or anyone kill themselves unnecessarily, but if you're gonna do it, yes, you better do it right.

 

[Xaphous]

A doctor at a psych facility i was sectioned in diagnosed me as borderline within 5 minutes of meeting me and said "dont you think its time to shit or get off the pot" in regards to killing myself. One time, specifically after being told to shit or get off the pot actually, i told my mom i was gonna go walk in to traffic and she was just like 'ok' lol , there's actually so many experiences of how little i matter, ive lost the ability to be upset or keep count. I think one of the reasons ive had such a hard time killing myself is because of how much people actually want it or how little a difference it would make if i were dead or alive. But now my taking up space is actually doing harm to people who dont deserve it, so its time to go.

That's depressing, I know that even though we feel like dying, when people are just cold hearted and encourage it it's still an awful feeling. You deserve affection just like anyone else. It's totally normal and human that a small or even big part of us wants others to care when we tell them how we feel. Some people can just be so cold.

 

[Nerdyartist85]

I think maybe your mom was just being glib, and speaking in generalities, not about you.

I've said that; what I mean is, a half-baked attempt to kill yourself could leave you a vegetable, a cardiac cripple, blind, a quadriplegic, with half a face, etc, etc.

No, I don't want to see you, or anyone kill themselves unnecessarily, but if you're gonna do it, yes, you better do it right.

Yeah no...my mother means everything she says. I was trying to talk to her about my feelings of depression and some of my dark thoughts. Then she commented on the suicide. They would use the mental hospitals and doctors as threats instead of showing concern, but never fell through with their threats. When I finally did go to therapy, they refused to come to family counseling and made me stop going after a month.

She's always said that I was a waste of space and that I couldn't be her child because I (A) fuck thing up too much, or (B) acted more like my aunt (her sister) who did whatever she wanted and let me have a little more freedoms. I think if she had the chance to abort me, she would have; she's never said that, but the way she talks to me sometimes I wish I had been too.

 

[gingerplum]

Yeah no...my mother means everything she says. I was trying to talk to her about my feelings of depression and some of my dark thoughts. Then she commented on the suicide. They would use the mental hospitals and doctors as threats instead of showing concern, but never fell through with their threats. When I finally did go to therapy, they refused to come to family counseling and made me stop going after a month.

She's always said that I was a waste of space and that I couldn't be her child because I (A) fuck thing up too much, or (B) acted more like my aunt (her sister) who did whatever she wanted and let me have a little more freedoms. I think if she had the chance to abort me, she would have; she's never said that, but the way she talks to me sometimes I wish I had been too.

Ouch. I'm so sorry. I was trying to give your horrible mother the benefit of the doubt when she clearly doesn't deserve any benefits or any doubt. She sounds awful; being a mother is a privilege she didn't deserve.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

My mom seems concerned for me on the surface but has this awful way of phrasing things, to the point where I start doubting what she wants for me. First off, she's a health nut and has a terrible fear of aging. She's one of these people who tries to do everything right, walk 10 miles a day, juices, uses the most expensive face cream etc.

When I tell her how sick I am and that no doctor knows what to tell me, she goes off and says things like "you WANT to die, don't you?! You're just going to lay there and let your blood congeal and your muscles atrophy" blah blah blah. The way she puts it is really graphic and medical in nature, almost like she's relishing the chance to go "I told you so! I said you'd have a heart attack before you're 40!" I am sick of her acting like it's a choice for me to feel as badly as I do. As if I can will myself out of this, or that I am able to fight my health problems and mental health issues all by myself. People like her have no clue what it's like to have things happen to you that are well and truly beyond your control.

 

[Evan Horoszko]

No one has ever told me to my face ( for people here who have, you don't deserve it) but I feel like others don't want me around. I feel if I do, people will just be like "rip", "we were so close" when they know I wasn't. I just become another story and a way for people to feel sorry for them because their son or friend committed ctb.

 

[Buddyluv19]

Ouch. I'm so sorry. I was trying to give your horrible mother the benefit of the doubt when she clearly doesn't deserve any benefits or any doubt. She sounds awful; being a mother is a privilege she didn't deserve.

For me, this is one of the most important posts I have read because it is a 'mother' acknowledging that another 'mother' could be awful. It's so frustrating in this culture where women use motherhood as some sort of 'badge of honor'. 'I'm a mother so I'm entitled to be respected' BS. A mother can be a devouring narcissist just like anyone else can! And the worst part is, these tramps can hide it REALLY WELL.

Nerdyartist - I understand! I believe you. I've lived that hell!

 

[gingerplum]

For me, this is one of the most important posts I have read because it is a 'mother' acknowledging that another 'mother' could be awful. It's so frustrating in this culture where women use motherhood as some sort of 'badge of honor'. 'I'm a mother so I'm entitled to be respected' BS. A mother can be a devouring narcissist just like anyone else can! And the worst part is, these tramps can hide it REALLY WELL.

Nerdyartist - I understand! I believe you. I've lived that hell!

My mother tried to play that card... "You should respect me because I'm your MOTHER!!" .

Really? Hamsters reproduce, it's not that much of an accomplishment. I used my mother's behavior as a how-to guide of how not to parent. I treated my kids with respect and showered them with affection; I really had no discipline problems with them.

Turns out they're both happy, well-adjusted kids with lots of friends, both on their way to full college scholarships. Funny how that works.

 

[Buddyluv19]

Yeah no...my mother means everything she says. I was trying to talk to her about my feelings of depression and some of my dark thoughts. Then she commented on the suicide. They would use the mental hospitals and doctors as threats instead of showing concern, but never fell through with their threats. When I finally did go to therapy, they refused to come to family counseling and made me stop going after a month.

She's always said that I was a waste of space and that I couldn't be her child because I (A) fuck thing up too much, or (B) acted more like my aunt (her sister) who did whatever she wanted and let me have a little more freedoms. I think if she had the chance to abort me, she would have; she's never said that, but the way she talks to me sometimes I wish I had been too.

I totally relate to this. I feel badly for you. My mother is a narcissistic witch. She was able to hide it for s long time - what with our cultures 'deference' to mothers! No one wants to believe that mothers can be 'awful'. Fortunately, my mother has been 'caught' as none of her kids want to be around her! She's still able to play the 'victim' with 'new friends' that she's roped in to her story. She had to move away from our home town to do this. Peace to you.

 

[Buddyluv19]

My mother tried to play that card... "You should respect me because I'm your MOTHER!!" .

Really? Hamsters reproduce, it's not that much of an accomplishment. I used my mother's behavior as a how-to guide of how not to parent. I treated my kids with respect and showered them with affection; I really had no discipline problems with them.

Turns out they're both happy, well-adjusted kids with lots of friends, both on their way to full college scholarships. Funny how that works.

Both of my sisters did this. The eldest sister was the most abused and she didn't even invite my mother to her wedding. She closely controlled any access of my mother to her children. My other sister didn't trust my mother before she had her son, but once he was as born, she REALLY GOT how horrible it had been. She told me that when she looked at her newborn son and cared for him, it all came back to her how she had been abused. It took her having her own child to really see it!

 

[Buddyluv19]

Both of my sisters did this. The eldest sister was the most abused and she didn't even invite my mother to her wedding. She closely controlled any access of my mother to her children. My other sister didn't trust my mother before she had her son, but once he was as born, she REALLY GOT how horrible it had been. She told me that when she looked at her newborn son and cared for him, it all came back to her how she had been abused. It took her having her own child to really see it!

So both of my sisters used my mother as an example of 'how not to parent'. Unfortunately, I was so traumatized and 'roped in as mother's little savior', that I was too busy and afraid to have children! Good thing, I guess.

 

[Smilla]

After my first suicide "attempt" at 13 my Moms first words to me were "how could you do this to ME" through clenched teeth.

This is a woman who made me her therapist at the tender age of 8, telling me all about her sex life and who would threaten suicide herself or say things like "I can always leave you know"

Seems lots of us here had lousy parents.
My Mom had the "excuse" of being a young widow but, really, there is no excuse for abusive parents like these—only misery and a lifetime of suffering.

 

[Buddyluv19]

After my first suicide "attempt" at 13 my Moms first words to me were "how could you do this to ME" through clenched teeth.

This is a woman who made me her therapist at the tender age of 8, telling me all about her sex life and who would threaten suicide herself or say things like "I can always leave you know"

Seems lots of us here had lousy parents.
My Mom had the "excuse" of being a young widow but, really, there is no excuse for abusive parents like these—only misery and a lifetime of suffering.

I'm so sorry Smilla. I understand being put in the role of 'therapist' for your mother. I got that role, and unfortunately, I was very good at it for a long time - until it destroyed me.

 

[Smilla]

I'm so sorry Smilla. I understand being put in the role of 'therapist' for your mother. I got that role, and unfortunately, I was very good at it for a long time - until it destroyed me.

Thank you. And I am sorry for you too. Hugs

 

[Lizzie S.]

Yes, I have said it before but my mom has told me to kill myself multiple times. She has also told me she was going to throw me out of a moving car before.

 

[Miss clefable]

After my first suicide "attempt" at 13 my Moms first words to me were "how could you do this to ME" through clenched teeth.

This is a woman who made me her therapist at the tender age of 8, telling me all about her sex life and who would threaten suicide herself or say things like "I can always leave you know"

Seems lots of us here had lousy parents.
My Mom had the "excuse" of being a young widow but, really, there is no excuse for abusive parents like these—only misery and a lifetime of suffering.

Can I relate to the therapist thing

 

[Buddyluv19]

Thank you. And I am sorry for you too. Hugs

You know, the thing is, I'm really mad at myself. My sisters had warned me to stay clear of my mother for YEARS! How could I be that stupid - that needy - to continue to take care of her emotional needs! I'm really mad at myself! But, I have to add, that a friend reminded me to remember the fact that I was 'dependent' on this bitch for many years. In other words, I was well trained! For me, at this point, this is of little consolation - but I hope it makes someone feel better. Peace.

 

[Buddyluv19]

Ok, I feel bad because I got off of the thread question in sub-quotes. So in answer to the question: "Does anyone's friend or family want you to die".

Answer: I can't be certain if they 'want me to die'. It's really irrelevant because I am 'already dead' to most of them. Actually, it would be a positive thing if someone 'wanted me to die' because that would mean I am actually cared about.

 

[Final Escape]

My mom seems concerned for me on the surface but has this awful way of phrasing things, to the point where I start doubting what she wants for me. First off, she's a health nut and has a terrible fear of aging. She's one of these people who tries to do everything right, walk 10 miles a day, juices, uses the most expensive face cream etc.

When I tell her how sick I am and that no doctor knows what to tell me, she goes off and says things like "you WANT to die, don't you?! You're just going to lay there and let your blood congeal and your muscles atrophy" blah blah blah. The way she puts it is really graphic and medical in nature, almost like she's relishing the chance to go "I told you so! I said you'd have a heart attack before you're 40!" I am sick of her acting like it's a choice for me to feel as badly as I do. As if I can will myself out of this, or that I am able to fight my health problems and mental health issues all by myself. People like her have no clue what it's like to have things happen to you that are well and truly beyond your control.

Mom sounds creepy :(

 

[Final Escape]

Both of my sisters did this. The eldest sister was the most abused and she didn't even invite my mother to her wedding. She closely controlled any access of my mother to her children. My other sister didn't trust my mother before she had her son, but once he was as born, she REALLY GOT how horrible it had been. She told me that when she looked at her newborn son and cared for him, it all came back to her how she had been abused. It took her having her own child to really see it!

That's pretty wild. She had to revisit the trauma.

 

[Buddyluv19]

That's pretty wild. She had to revisit the trauma.

That's right! And the great thing for my sister is - it worked! I'm sure it was very difficult for her. There has been a lot written on how devoted children become to any parent - including abusive parents. I guess it's kind of like the 'survival instinct' - we don't want to admit/accept that the one who was 'supposed' to care for us really tried to destroy us on some level.

Anyway, sorry for the long response but I want to get back to 'trauma resolution'. I've dealt with this myself with my mother but did not succeed because I couldn't (or wouldn't) do the critical thing that my sisters did - they completely cut my mother out of their life. In the end, it's my fault - but it hurts like hell anyway.

 

[dreznik87]

They have not said it directly to me, but I wish they would. As that saying goes "actions speak louder than words" or whatever it is.
The way I am treated I am made to know I am a burden, my death will not only bring me peace but also directly improve the quality of others lives.
No one will ever say it directly to me, they do not want the guilt of thinking they were what made me end it. I dunno if I'm even making any fucking sense to be honest.